


Dirk Gently and The Waking Sea of Reality

by Fae_Fiction



Series: Dirk Gently Case-Fics (linear connected timeline) [2]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Autistic Dirk Gently, Bisexual Todd Brotzman, Case Fic, Cinnamon Roll Dirk Gently, Dirk Gently Being Dirk Gently, Dirk Gently Whump, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, Drug Abuse, Drug Withdrawal, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Dirk Gently, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I try to keep is light as possible while still handling it accurately though, M/M, Minor Farah Black/Tina Tevetino, New case, Nonbinary Character, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), References to Drugs, Sequel, Todd Brotzman is a Good Boyfriend, but its all connected, dghda case fic, everything is connected, jic that's triggering for you, like really weird, like the author might be crazy... weird, new assisfriend, season 3... or 4 since I already did that, shit's bout to get weird
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 62,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27449017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fae_Fiction/pseuds/Fae_Fiction
Summary: It's been four months since Dirk solved the Oneiroi case and human existence, (yes, Dirk solved the case of human existence) and they were beginning to get used to the idea of maybe, possibly, living a normal life. Not that they wanted that, of course. But they had stopped Blackwing so maybe the universe was fixed and no more weird stuff would happen...Wrong!Get ready for a tale of goats, a boat, drugs, and lots of other random stuff. I told you this one was weird.
Relationships: Amanda Brotzman & The Rowdy 3, Dirk Gently & Mona Wilder, Dirk Gently & The Rowdy 3, Farah Black & Todd Brotzman & Dirk Gently, Farah Black & Todd Brotzman & Dirk Gently & Mona Wilder, Farah Black & Todd Brotzman & Dirk Gently & Original Character(s), Farah Black/Tina Tevetino, Original Female Character/Original Nonbinary Character, The Beast & Dirk Gently, Todd Brotzman & Original Nonbinary Character, Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Series: Dirk Gently Case-Fics (linear connected timeline) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2006077
Comments: 52
Kudos: 9





	1. Premature Celebratory Donuts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit everyone... it's finally here. Book two of my Dirk Gently universe continuation.

We’re back at it again and this time it’s much more wild, intense, and bizarre. And like every case, nothing seems connected, until it is. Got it? _Great._

Now… where did we leave off?

It was a normal fall morning in Seattle. Well, truthfully, every morning is normal, everything is normal. Much like the ordinary, it’s what you choose to focus on that makes something odd or normal. 

This morning was odd in the sense that it was, arguably, arbitrarily, normal. And normal was something that Dirk, Todd, and Farah were getting more and more used to. 

With a lack of cases throughout the summer, things were getting suspicious. And at first, they welcomed it. It was very much needed before Todd recovered because he was worried he was going to have to be running for his life on his crutches or have Dirk carry him, the latter of the two he wouldn’t mind but the problem was it’s hard to run for your life when you are carrying another human. But no, the universe gave them a break. And while it was welcome, it still felt off. But slowly they became more accustomed to the idea of a “normal” life considering that Blackwing was no longer a problem looming over them. They even began to wonder if they were going to live a “normal” life now that Blackwing was gone. Maybe the universe was fixed?

So, this morning was normal. That was a specific choice of words, “this morning”. Notice how I didn’t say “today”? We’ll get back to that later, for now, let’s check in on our favorite couple on this fine, “normal”, fall, morning.

Todd awoke feeling chilly, as usual, all of the blankets were stolen. He looked out the window beside his bed that shown the classic grey Seattle sky. And now came his favorite thing about mornings, he rolled over to see Dirk smiling at him through sleepy eyes.

“Good morning, darling.” Dirk brushed his fingers through Todd’s hair.

“Dude, you’ve gotta stop stealing the blankets.” He pretended to be angry but he couldn’t help smile. “I’m freezing”

“Well come over here then.”

Todd rolled his eyes and shuffled next to Dirk before he wrapped the blankets he stole around them both, pulling him in as tight as he could.

The proper warmth Todd had been missing engulfed him the moment he entered the cave of the pile blankets Dirk _insisted_ all had to be in bed with them. And still, almost every morning, they all ended up on his side of the bed despite them having plenty to share. The cozy, toasty feeling combined with Dirk’s also warm arms around him made it a struggle to keep his eyes open. And eventually, he didn’t fight it. “ _Ugh_ ,” he grunted, “I don’t want to get up.”

“Me either, but work. It’s already 7:30 and I haven’t had any tea.”

“We can be a little late, not like anything happens anymore anyway. We just sit around doing nothing all day, let’s get a headstart on doing nothing.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

They lied like that for a moment. Silent. Content. Dirk’s head rested on Todd’s shoulder, he buried his nose in his neck, losing all self-control as he tenderly pressed his lips against his skin.

Todd flipped over and smiled at Dirk, stroking his cheek with his thumb lovingly, eyes shingling like the moon. “I love you, you know that?”

“I’m wildly aware… and I love you too.” Todd chuckled at Dirk’s response before pulling him into a sweet kiss. 

The heart fluttering tenderness of each other's lips, and the warmth of each other's arms sent them into a state of euphoria that they would never get sick of. That feeling of being safe, being loved, being at _home_ in their embrace. Knowing that they could be free to love, knowing they wouldn’t be hurt by Blackwing anymore, knowing for once... everything would be alright.

They were perfect for each other. The universe brought Todd, Dirk, and brought Dirk, Todd. 

The universe?

_The universe…_

_THE UNIVERSE!_

Dirk pulled back suddenly. “Todd,” He said in a monotone voice that made it practically impossible to tell what was wrong. If something was wrong. Was something wrong?

“Dirk…” Todd echoed back as Dirk shot out of bed. He waited for any indication that could provide him with more clues as to the situation. Dirk ran to the kitchen and put a pot on the stove, Todd following behind. “Dirk…” raising his voice slightly, beginning to worry. Dirk only began _wordlessly_ -he was never wordless- making tea if something was big. Wrong, right, didn’t matter, he needed tea. Something to neutralize the situation. But he didn’t respond to him. Time for the big guns, “What’s happening, angel?”

There it was. 

Dirk snapped out of his tea haze midway through pulling two mugs out of the cabinet. “Something.” Still monotone, almost as if Dirk didn’t know. As if he were waiting for the answer himself.

“What?”

“You asked what’s happening,” He grabbed the already brewed coffee pot and poured Todd off a cup. “I answered. _Something_ is happening.” 

He darted for the fridge grabbing the creamer that Todd insisted he didn’t like but after four months living with him, Dirk knew the truth. Todd hated black coffee, he just liked the aesthetic, he would never make creamed coffee for himself though. Dirk had even made it a point to wake up first when he can so Todd can’t argue and give himself what he deserves. And every time he sees Dirk is the one to make his coffee, he smiles.

“What do you mean, ‘ _something_ is happening’?”

Dirk handed him the mug with the spoon in, unmixed, no time to waste, Todd can stir his own coffee. “Be a dear and turn on the TV for me? The news. I don’t care, any channel, let the universe choose which one you land on first.”

Todd didn’t question any of this, just followed instructions bewilderedly.

He sat on the couch and flipped through channel after channel while Dirk stumbled through the kitchen trying to decide which tea would be best for this of most important days.

“I’m not seeing anything. All commercials.” He yelled over his shoulder.

“ _Um…_ Just start flipping through them. I’ll tell you when to stop.”

“But you aren’t even-”

“Just do it, please?”

Todd rolled his eyes and changed channels rapidly for a minute or two before Dirk said from behind the couch, “Stop.” 

Dirk joined him, Todd curling up against him, head on his chest, as he wrapped his tea-less arm around him. 

“Ok, you’ve got your tea, the situation is neutralized,” he looked up at him, “What’s happening?”

“I got a hunch. And not the normal mundane, ‘do this, do that’, hunch. A _case_ hunch.”

Todd nearly spat out his coffee at the word “case”. “Did you say ‘case’?”

“Yes, love,” he smiled down at him with pure excitement in his eyes. “ _Something_ is going to happen today!”

“Fucking finally!”

“I know!” He bent down for a short, celebratory kiss.

“What do you think it’s going to be?” The look of stupid-flighty-bullshit radiating his entire being. They were back, baby! “What does the news have to do with it? Is there a conspiracy where the reporters are all a bunch of aliens? Do they have a weather-controlling machine? Is there a cult? _Is there a cult of weather-controlling alien news reporters?!_ ”

“I’m not sure. I just know something happened this morning and that something will lead to a case and the news has an important detail for us.”

“A case, Dirk,” he muttered under his breath. “A new case.” Repeating himself to make sure it was real, letting it sink in.

“I know!” Dirk reached for the remote from Todd’s hand and began turning up the volume. “Now shush, commercials are over.”

The news sting played as the camera switched to a close up of a woman who you could tell had no personality. “And we’re back.” A woman sitting in an armchair said. “Weren’t those goats adorable?”

“Absolutely.” A man in a suit in the armchair that faced the woman said. “You could say, they were... the GOAT...”

The woman let out an obnoxious laugh, throwing her head back dramatically. “Oh, Micheal, you crack me up!”

“You’re too kind, Linda.” He said before turning back to the camera. “Now with the mood lightened, we, unfortunately, have to turn it down again with some rather depressing story. We turn the camera to you, Jeramy.”

“Thank you, Michael.” The man said. “After a long period of testing for conformation, two new deaths have been added to the total for the Nova epidemic body count.”

Dirk and Todd’s hearts dropped to their stomachs. Not in hearing the of deaths, no, but the cause of death, knowing that whatever they were about to hear would most likely be important to their next case. 

“The families of the deceased at first did not wish to go public with the cause of death but decided to use their deaths as an example. Mother of 20-year-old Margaret says, ‘Not many people are public with the cause of death when it comes to this. If more people come forward we can end the situation.’ As always we emphasize the importance of understanding where it comes from. And the gravity of the situation is that we don’t know where it comes from or what’s in it. All we know is that Nova isn’t constant in the way it is produced, the amount it takes to overdose varies greatly. Remember-”

Todd took the remote from Dirk’s hand and turned the TV off. “Hey, I wasn’t done with that.”

“I don’t need to hear any more of that depressing bullshit. If you want to get high, use the safe drugs damn it. How are people so stupid?”

“That’s a bit of a paradox don’t you think? The word dru-”

“You know what I mean… You think our next case is gonna be a Nova bust?”

“Highly doubt it. But we’ll have to get to the office to be sure.” Dirk smirked.

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get ready.”

* * *

Dirk and Todd arrived at the agency with a box of premature celebratory donuts and coffee for Farah. As Dirk leaned down to unlock the door he was surprised to discover it was unlocked. He looked over to the parking lot and realized he failed to notice that Farah’s car was there.

With a large grin, he burst through the door in the most dramatic Dirk way possible. “LOOK ALIVE FARAH!” 

She whipped her head around from her desk, a very confused look on her face. “What the hell-“

Todd set down the coffee and donuts on the front desk, Farah leaped for the cup with her name on it, misspelled with two ‘r’s. “You gonna tell her, Dirk? Or do you want me-“

“We’ve got an incoming case! I can feel it! _Something_ is going to happen.”

“We aren’t sure exactly _what_ -” Todd added.

“I had a hunch…” Dirk smirked and Todd nodded enthusiastically. 

“And not just any hunch…” He leaned in for emphasis. 

Farah stood silent, sipping her coffee loudly, eyes darting back and forth between the two of them before she said, “This is going to be stupid, isn’t it? Like the gum,” Dirk frowned. “Or the rabbit-” Todd went to raise a finger before Farah cut him off again, “If you’re going to barge in here dramatically saying ‘We have a case!’ with lattes and donuts the hunch better be a good one.”

“But that’s the thing!’ Dirk laughed and they resumed bouncing off of each other.

“His hunch was- wait for it…”

“Watch the news!” He paused, mouth open like it was the most amazing thing he had ever said, waiting for a reaction from Farah that didn’t come.

“Watch the news?” She gave them a very annoyed look. “This is more stupid than the rabbit.”

“I know, it sounds stupid, BUT-” Todd added with a signature eye-roll.

“When I turned on the news, guess what the story was-” Dirk waited. And waited. And waited. Farah growing more annoyed with them with each millisecond that passed he stared waiting for some sort of guess. “Nova deaths.”

This was the turning point, things were getting interesting. Farah nearly dropped her coffee and her mouth flew open. “Nova?”

“Nova,” Todd said. And while the topic was serious as can be, the mood in the room immediately shifted from mild, morning frustration to complete excitement and enticement and became full of wide-mouthed smiles.

“The news story was really Nova?” 

“It really just so was.” Dirk nodded. 

“This is going to be awesome!” Todd beamed. “A drug bust, Farah, a drug bust. This is big!”

“We can’t be sure.” She said and was met with disappointed frowns. “Could have just been an intense desire to watch the news, not a hunch.”

“You don’t know hunches. This was a hunch.”

“But what makes this hunch different from your other hunches? Why does this one mean all of a sudden… case? Did the universe say we were getting a case today?”

“Well…” He made an odd, indescribable, Dirk face. Breathing in through closed teeth.

“He hasn’t had a hunch since he solved Oneiroi,” Todd interjected.

“Oh shit.” 

“And while the universe didn’t say _explicitly_ that we were getting a case today, it was heavily implied. That’s sort of how this _whole_ thing works.”

“Again, need I remind you of the gum? You get like this during slow patches. You think anything and everything is a case.”

“Are you... _doubting_ my holistic-ness?”

“Yeah, are you doubting his holistic-ness?”

Farah shook her head, “Oh my God you two. All I’m saying is, don’t get your hopes up for a case that hasn’t appeared ye-”

And before Farah could finish someone burst through the door, that all too familiar look of desperation on their face, chest rising and falling very rapidly, tears in their eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo.... first chapter of a new novel and I am beyond excited.  
> I've had it ready for a few days now but I really wanted to make some art to accompany it... which I did... but I can't figure out how to put it on here so here's a link to my NEW Tumblr!: https://sacred-alge.tumblr.com/post/634199607596941312/brotzly-mornings-my-first-time-doing-digital-art
> 
> AND
> 
> If you want a perfect, chaotic, DGHDA inspired playlist/soundtrack for this book, click here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/68k03snaMiiSVA4BVZv6Zq?si=oKlJJtu3QmCJWWFdQVROPQ


	2. You're Making A Face, One I Know All Too Well

Dirk was right. Not that it was in question that he was wrong, he was never wrong. He would like to make it abundantly clear that he was _always_ right, even if it seems like he is wrong. And I can’t technically argue with that point, because he was never wrong. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t wrong sometimes, he’s wrong a lot... A startling amount of the time actually... But when it came to hunches, he was never _technically_ wrong. It always came back to what he had said. 

Even that gum on the sidewalk he thought was important made its way into their day because right after he saw it, he was so distracted texting Todd that someone bumped into him and he fell to the sidewalk and it ended up in his hair. They thus spent the rest of their day with a whiny Dirk who refused to let Todd just, _cut it out_ , no, he would not just _cut it out_. That’s absolutely preposterous. There had to be some sort of magic-gum-hair-remover-serum or machine. No? Are you _kidding_ me?! Humans have spent so long with this struggle and they manage to create the most useless of devices but when it came to something as common and as absolutely annoying as this they had nothing?

So while Dirk would like to point out he was never wrong, I’d like to put emphasis on the word “technically”.

Because the person who just barged through the door was integral to the case. A _case_. A _new_ case. Just as Dirk had predicted.

They stood in the door, arms outstretched, holding them open with their two arms in a wide stance, regaining their breath. 

They could be described as eccentric. The type of person who you walk into a room and immediately you recognize that _they_ had been there. No, not in a bad way. Not at all. In the best way possible. They were the type of person you call after a breakup and they bring you Chinese food, ice-cream, weed, and a bottle of your favorite alcoholic substance, not just wine, their poison of choice was whisky. Another immediate teller of the type of person they were. 

Their hair was pixie short, fiery, and curly. Their excellent fashion sense was apparent with their checker-print skater skirt, purple turtleneck sweater and white bomber jacket combo paired perfectly with tights and combat boots. A long silver pendant of a skeleton key sat on their swelling chest that angrily sucked in air from the exhaustion of their sprint of desperation. A folder in one of their hands. A spare sapphire blue, 99¢, paper folder that cracked white in spots and was taped together in a hasty attempt to save it. It was the type of folder that you expect to be clearly taken from an old box that once sat in a parent’s attic labeled, “middle school stuff” but traveled to college with them in a new box labeled, “memories”. It had the once middle-school appropriate label, “English” but it was recently scribbled over and replaced with the words “Cydney Case” sloppily written in broad, black sharpie. Their magnificent emerald eyes glistened with tears that streamed down their beach of a freckled face.

They were indeed the type of person who could make your day with a smile. But the consequence of that was if they were upset, everyone in the same building as them would feel it too. And this was a distinct feeling.

They were making a face. An unmistakable one. The face of someone desperate, lost, and completely and utterly scared and confused. And being the type of person they were, this was felt in everyone. 

But despite this feeling of dread and doom, Dirk, Todd, and Farah all exchanged looks of complete amazement and excitement. A full-blown conversation taking place in the span of only a few seconds and only through blinks and brow movements. Most of the “talking” came in the form of “I told you so” from both Dirk and Todd to Farah. Dirk’s face suddenly moved from that sentence to, “Right, they need help!” He turned to the person in the door.

“You’re making a face.” Dirk inched forward, the stranger’s arms dropped to their sides, confused with a slight feeling they should be offended at that statement but couldn’t shake the feeling that this person was who they needed to be talking to. That this strange and slightly rude Brit could solve all of their problems while simultaneously adding a million more new and more terrifying ones.

“A face I know too well,” Dirk continued. “ Your life just became strange in a way it has never been, everything changed, and you don’t know what to do. You’re lost, scared, and completely confused. All of a sudden, in a strange way, somehow, you found this place.” 

“How did you-”

“My name is Dirk Gently, this is my detective agency, hence the sign.” He pointed at the wall behind him. “That’s Todd, my lovely assisboyfriend. And that’s Farah, she… helps.” She shot him an annoyed look to which he smiled at before turning back to the stranger. “How can we help you?” 

“I don’t know! I don’t know any of what’s happening and it’s all frankly terrifying.”

“Well, then you’ve most certainly come to the right place. Weird is our specialty, we’ve heard everything.” He guided them to one of the couches in their office space. “Can you start by telling us your name?”

They sat down and sniffed, “My name’s Robyn. I use they/them so I’d really appreciate it if you used those.”

“Of course, using them was _never_ in question. Basic human decency. Plus, we’re all queer here.” Todd held out the box of donuts offering them one. “Like he said, I’m his boyfriend and Farah over there is gay too. You’ll like working with us.”

Robyn smiled and took a blueberry one, perplexed as to their appearance as no one ever considers ordering their favorite. Call it a hunch on Dirk’s part. 

“Now comes my favorite question,” Dirk’s eyes filled with an inquisitive sparkle. “I don’t think I even have to ask it, but I _love_ asking it… Are you a clue, an accomplice… or an assistant? That is to say, have you noticed an acceleration of strangeness in your life as of late?”

“Yes.”

Everyone screamed internally as their faces lit up.

“An assistant!” Dirk extended his hand for a formal shake as a welcome-aboard. “Welcome new assisfriend!”

“Assis- I haven’t even told you what happened yet. I’m sure you won't want to take the case-”

“We take any cases we can get,” Todd said as he sat down next to Dirk on the couch facing Farah’s desk.

“Alright then, tell us what happened,” Dirk said. “Take notes, Farah?”

“Got it.” She walked over to her desk to begin typing when they were ready.

“Ok… my best friend is missing. She has been for a week but the police say it’s a runaway or suicide or something. There aren't any clues, nothing strange. She just came out of her room one day with a backpack and left. She didn’t say anything, no goodbye, nowhere she was going.”

“Very strange indeed,” Dirk said. Making a mental list of possibilities.

“She was blank, expressionless, a shell. She wasn’t herself.”

“This is right up our alley,” Farah said.

“I almost believed them, maybe I should believe them even more now.”

“Why’s that?” Dirk asked with a tilt of his head to the side.

“Her little sister died yesterday, they just announced the cause of death this morning-”

“Nova.” She and Dirk both said at once.

“How did you-”

“Her sister wouldn’t happen to be named Margaret, would she?” Todd asked.

“Yes! How did you know?!”

“I’m not holistic like Dirk, I do get visions in cases though-” he hastily added, getting distracted before he came to the startling realization, “SHIT Dirk! We have a case! I have to stop taking my meds!”

“Not on my watch. You will take your meds whether you like it or not. We can make it through on my hunches.”

“But-” Dirk quickly raised a finger to Todd’s lips, telling him to stop.

“No. You will take your meds.” He stared him in the eyes, making it clear there would be no arguing. He cared about Todd too much to see him suffer without need. Even with need.

“Last case we didn’t have much to work on-” He said the second Dirk’s finger lowered.

“Last case we weren’t technically hired. We will have more information. You will take your meds, end of discussion.” 

“All of this talk of meds and visions and I don’t know what… holistic? What does that even mean?!”

“I get hunches that are always right.” Dirk turned back to Robyn. “The world is strange, very strange. The universe is broken and thus odd things happen. And not odd as in ‘life is weird’ odd, odd as in magical, psychic, supernatural or comic odd. So the universe sends people like me information to help fix things.”

“That’s a LOT to take in…”

“You’ll get used to it pretty quickly,” Farah said.

“So… you think you can help? Will you take the case?”

They all exchanged looks of excitement before they all said, “OF COURSE!’

“Thank you! You have no idea how much I miss Cydney.” They handed Dirk the folder. “When can you start?”

He sifted through the contents of the flimsy blue folder. It was filled with photos, her phone number, her social media, her address. Places she went to a lot like clubs or restaurants. A full list of classes. They provided a list of possible contacts and their phone numbers, social media, and addresses. Everything that Robyn thought would be useful. It was useful. 

Dirk smiled and stood up abruptly. “Immediately. Do you think we could come by and search for clues?”

“Sure. Anything to help me find her sooner.”

* * *

The apartment was small-ish. Still bigger than Dirk and Todd’s studio which had been only a slight upgrade since Todd moved upstairs. 

There was a small center room, kitchenette barely separate from the living room but this was made up for in the two separate bedrooms.

“Her room’s through here.” Robyn led them through the cozy grey living space into the hurricane that was once Cydney’s room.

Books lie scattered around and open on the floor and bed. Clothes had been thrown carelessly about. Papers erratically splayed throughout the room. 

“Sorry about the mess. I was searching for any clues myself. Have at it.”

Dirk immediately began searching through the various books, Todd assisted. Farah gathered the papers. 

“Odd.” Dirk’s brows furrowed, perplexed. He turned his head to Robyn who was leaning up against the doorway. “Did you write the file wrong? Because these are all books about ancient Greece. I thought she was an _American_ history major.”

“Oh she was, I found it all weird myself.” They answered.

“They’re all about mythology, culture, and architecture,” Todd added, staring at a particular book. One that Cydney must have considered very important as it was dog-eared all over and filled with highlighted sections. “Look at this.”

Dirk and Farah leaned over his shoulder, Robyn stood upright and walked over.

“Plato?” Farah asked.

“That’s what the cover says,” Todd replied. 

Dirk took the book from Todd and began flipping through the pages, intently focused and analyzing its possible connectedness. He didn’t get an answer from the universe but none-the-less decided to ask, “Mind if we take this?”

“Go ahead. You’re the detectives.”

“This is very interesting,” Dirk said. Analyzing the highlighted sections in the book, most of them had to do with his philosophies and moralities. Some having to do with his stance on religion and mythology. “Did Cydney ever express a love- or interest in Greek… stuff. Like history or mythology… mythology. OH! What if, like the Norwegian gods, the Greek gods are real?!”

“What?!” Robyn had enough crazy bullshit for one day.

“Ignore him,” Farah assured them, “He says he’s met Thor.”

“I HAVE! And frankly, I’m a little offended, and I’m sure Thor is _more_ offended, that after all of the idiosyncratic situations we’ve been in you don’t believe in him. And you don’t believe that I’ve met him.”

“It’s ok, Dirk… let it go.” Todd patted his shoulder.

“Anyway… to answer your question, Cydney never really was interested in this stuff. Imagine my surprise to discover this shit.” They gestured to the mess.

Farah held up a brochure for a cruise to Greece. “Do you think this is where she went?”

“Doubt it. We’re poor as fuck.”

“I think…” Dirk grabbed the blue folder that sat next to him and sifted through the papers. “I think we should go to that club. Hunch.”

“Well if it’s a hunch then we should definitely do it,” Todd said.

“That should be it for now.” Dirk shot up. “We have calls to make... the folder. We’ll be in touch.”

“That’s it?” 

“Yes. Thank you for letting us here.”

“Of course. I should be thanking you for taking such a ridiculous case.”

“Ridiculous is our specialty.” He smiled and tilted his head before he came to a shocking realization. “THAT SHOULD BE OUR NEW SLOGAN!” 

“I think that’s pretty clear from our current one,” Farah said.


	3. There's No Arguing

The agency wasn’t far from Cydney’s and Robyn’s -at least that’s what Dirk told himself- so they walked back. It was a nice day, and the fresh air was good. Plus they were a little out of shape and a new case meant more running. So more exercise helped.

At least that’s what Dirk said. This didn’t convince Farah though, she decided to drive back. That’s ok, she didn’t have to be there. Todd wanted to too but Dirk insisted he had to be there. So, defeated, he walked with Dirk. 

But they had to walk. Something important was going to happen outside and they wouldn’t see it otherwise. 

He didn’t know what. But he needed to be there.

He didn’t know why. 

Until he did. 

Because waking down the street, holding hands, of course, he couldn’t shake the feeling they were being followed.

But it wasn’t bad.

No. 

It was good.

It felt…

Friendly.

Friendly? Why would being followed feel friendly? 

He didn’t know why.

Until he did.

_ ARF! _

“Todd, did you hear that?” Dirk stopped in his tracks.

_ Arf! Arf! _

__ “Is that a-” Todd responded before turning around. “Yep. It is.”

A medium stature grey and tan dog with a puffy appearance, triangle ears, and a wagging curly tail looked up at them with its tongue hanging out of its mouth.

“TODD IT’S ADORABLE!”

“Yep, it is. Let’s go.” He began walking, but Dirk’s grip on his hand stopped him, he stood rigid, still staring at the Elkhound with heart-eyes.

_ This is going to end badly _ , Todd thought.

“Todd, it’s a stray.” He pouted, heartbroken as his mind flashed a slideshow of this poor soul digging through the trash for food, walking sadly in the rain before being frightened by lightning and hiding under a bench, shaking and whimpering, and cuddling to filthy rats for warmth in the cold Seattle winter nights while  _ All By Myself _ by Céline Dion played in the background.

“Yep, stray dog. It’s a city, we have those. Let’s go.” He tried to walk again but Dirk still stood fixed to the magnificent creature before him. 

“This dog is important.”

“ _ Dirk… _ ”

_ ARF! _ Said the dog. It’s a dog. What else would it say?  _ Woof, woof, motherfucker _ ?

“This is why we had to walk, we had to see the dog.”

“Dirk.” He firmly tugged on Dirk’s hand.

Dirk firmly tugged back. “Todd.”

Todd sighed, “Do I even need to ask what you’re going to ask?”

“This dog is important, we-”

“It’s a dog, Dirk. How important can it be?” He immediately regretted his statement.

“Rapunzel. Of course this dog is important.”

“Come on, Dirk.” Todd made a particularly risky move in letting go of Dirk’s hand, forcing Dirk to walk with him.

But this, of course, like everything else, backfired. 

The universe would have its way.

Because when Dirk frowned and reluctantly began walking, the dog barked again. And they turned around to see it had followed them.

“TODD LOOK! It wants us to be its daddies!” He excitedly turned to Todd with his hands on his shoulders.

He could feel his strength vanishing. Each second that passed he was looking at him he lost the will to fight. “Stop making that face, you know I can’t resist that face.”

“I’m not making a face! YOU’RE -uh- making… a… face.”

“Dirk.”

“Todd, we have to take it in as our own.”

“In our tiny dingy apartment? There’s no room.” Maybe reason with him, maybe a legitimate reason will make him drop it.

“An apartment that can fit two grown men can’t also fit a dog? In what world?” Shit, that didn’t work. “Please, Todd.” 

“There’s no arguing with you, is there?”

“I’m afraid not… please?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

_ No- _ yes- _ no _ -yes _ -no _ -yes _ -no _ -

_ WUF, ARF! _

“It doesn’t want to see it’s daddies arguing.” He frowned.

“Oh my god, Dirk.”

“Please.” He paused and tried to make a serious face. “I’ll cut you off.”

Todd rolled his eyes. “You always say that, but then you’re the first to crack.”

“Damn it, you’re right… but PLEASE!”

Oh no, he was slipping. All reason flooding into the abyss. This was it, he was about to- Todd sighed and lifted his head to the sky, seriously about to regret what he would say next.

“Fine.”

“ _ REALLY?! _ ”

“Yep.”

Dirk hugged Todd very quickly and tightly before planting a million tiny kisses all over him. The dog ran in happy little circles around them. “Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!”

“Ok, ok, ok, calm down, Dirk. I’ve gotta call Farah.”

He pulled out his phone and put it to his ear, Dirk still hugging the side of him.

“Hey, Farah.” His voice defeated.

“What’s up? Did something happen?” She responded, completely worried by Todd's tone of voice.

“You could say that. There was this dog-”

“Oh no.” 

“Yep.” He looked at Dirk, smiling despite the fact that he had lost, as he leaned down and pet the dog in front of them.

“Did you-”

“Could you call the leads in the folder for us? I’ve got to go to the vet I guess.”

“You did. Oh boy. Good luck with that.”

“Thanks, probably going to need it.” 

He hung up and leaned down next to Dirk, kissing the top of his head as he rubbed their new dog all over, talking to it in that voice we all make when talking to dogs.

He looked over to Todd, “Norwegian Elkhounds are good hunters and are very brave. She’ll be helpful on cases.”

“How do you- never mind.  Got a name for her?”

“I was thinking… Bean.” Dirk looked back up at Todd. 

“Bean? Seriously?"

"What? It's cute."

“Sure Dirk.” He gave Dirk that classic look that only he received. 

That look of, “no matter how annoying he is, I’ll go to the ends of the earth for him.” That look of, “he’s mine, I’ll do anything for him despite all of his bullshit.” That look of, “I’ll never get tired of this.”

That look of, “I love you, you know that?”


	4. Something Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go listen to "Something Human" by Muse, this chapter will make a lot more sense. Or don't, that's ok too.  
> "More Muse?" you may ask, "Why is it always Muse?" and to that, I say, "I'm the author, I like Muse, it's brilliant and it always fits this show's situations... so shut up!"  
> Anyway.... yeah, more Muse. Am I sorry? No.
> 
> (Also Todd says, "new album that came out a few days ago", just a reminder that this book takes place in 2018, November of 2018 to be exact.)  
> (Also, also, as of posting this, it is November 15th. Todd's cannon birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TODD!)  
> (Also, also, also, I was planning on making a chapter where Dirk finds out it's Todd's birthday and does a whole bunch of cute stuff, but that happens in chapter 8, and I'm a bit behind... so yeah... be expecting that soon)

Bean was healthy, she had no owner, so after a few vaccines, she was theirs. 

Dirk was, no need to say this, beyond excited. 

She was a good dog, strangely well behaved for a stray. She was quiet and calm. She followed Dirk around everywhere. Todd even asked if she might be a holistic dog, which Dirk responded to by saying, “Don't be ridiculous,” but he couldn’t shake the feeling too.

So they got everything they needed and spent the rest of the day on the couch with her until it was time to get ready for the club. 

Todd dug through some boxes in the back of their coat closet that was filled to the brim with colorful leather jackets.

“Have you ever been to a club, Dirk?” He said, not moving his head. Focused on finding some stuff from his band days that would be suitable.

“No, I don’t think I have.” He responded from the bed with Bean laying on top of him.

“It’s a lot like The Sound of Nothing. Except some people are already under the love spell, it’s louder, darker, smells like sweat and almost everyone is drunk.”

“Sounds lovely.” He remarked sarcastically without a hint of sarcasm in his voice. “I don’t see why you have to make such a mess.”

Todd turned around to see he had, indeed, made a mess. Piles of shoes and spare coats that laid on the floor to make room for Dirk’s collection. We all have that one closet. Important cardboard boxes in the back and random shit piled on top and in front of it. 

“We have to blend in, look like regulars. I’m looking for my old band stuff.”

Dirk perked up immediately. 

He had only seen new Todd, and part of him really wanted to see what old Todd may have looked like. 

He had started painting his nails again but that was about it. He wanted to see full punk Todd. He wanted to see… what’s that thing he likes again? His favorite album of theirs… “Three Sweet Avengers”? Avenge era? No, that’s not right. No matter. He wanted to see “avenge era” Todd. For a soft ball of sunshine, he found the image of his boyfriend with red eyeshadow and black x’s over his eyes oddly alluring. He wasn’t exactly sure why the first look that came to mind was Francis Lero’s, Francine Iroh wasn’t even Todd’s favorite. Gerold Wayfinder was. Something about Dirk and George both being cinnamon rolls?

He had been learning more about alt and punk, and he actually liked it. It was something they bonded over.

Every once and a while, Todd would play “ _DESTROYA_ ” to annoy him. And sometimes, it backfired. The drums didn’t send Dirk recoiling, in fact, it did the exact opposite. And if you know what I mean, you know what I mean. And either reaction resulted in a happy Todd.

“And that means no button-downs,” Todd continued. “Found it!”

He sifted through the box's contents. Lots of black. Mostly black. Glimpses of silver metal studs caught the light. And every once and while some colored ties or belts or… things… made their way into view.

Todd pulled out what he considered to be an acceptable outfit and grabbed an old eyeliner pencil from the bottom of the box.

Dirk tried to distract himself and grabbed his Mexican Funeral shirt and a pair of blue jeans he saved for lazy Sundays. Plus he wanted a full reveal.

After Dirk was dressed he turned around to see Todd clad in a pair of ripped jeans and a plain black tee with distressed holes on the shoulders and hem, his belt with a line of silver pyramid studs. 

“Been a while,” Todd walked into the bathroom and began doing his makeup. “Like what, 7 years?”

“7 years…” Dirk practically gawked at Todd when he turned around to reveal the smudged line of eyeliner that made his large blue eyes look even more large and even more blue. 

“What? Is it on my nose?”

“Uh-um…” He stuttered, lips flapping like a goldfish. “No. Nope!”

“What is it?” He began quickly rambling. “This is nothing like what I used to wear, but is it too much? I knew it was-“

Dirk leaped forward and ferociously kissed him. Doing oh-so-unfair things with his mouth. 

“Hot…” Dirk murmured into his lips and Todd chuckled.

“Ok-ok-ok,” Todd pulled back. “We’ve still got a case.”

“Right.” Dirk cleared his throat, “Case.” And he walked over to the mess of a coat closet and took one of his jackets. He paused for a moment before, what he thought, he innocently suggested an addition to Todd’s outfit. 

“It’s cold out. Want to borrow one of my jackets?”

Todd knew what the sight of him in Dirk’s clothes, especially his jackets, did to him. 

“Sounds like a good idea to me.” And he liked feeling cozy in the slightly too big jackets that claimed him as Dirk’s. 

* * *

They met at the crappy club with its crappy music and its crappy people and its crappy smell. That's all Todd could think at least. 

It reminded him of the old days. Wearing his old stuff didn’t help with that.

But it was for a case.

He had to be here.

“Why are we here again?” Farah yelled over the loud, pulsing, music that resonated through the club as they walked in.

“Hunch.” Dirk and Todd yelled back.

“Right, but like… what are we looking for?” 

“Nova I think,” Todd said.

“Margaret died, Cydney is missing, Nova makes sense,” Dirk added.

“Ok. We should split up. Cover more ground.” Said Farah.

“No, Dirk’s first time, he needs someone with him.” And frankly, Todd didn’t want to be alone here. Not while his mind swam through the past.

“Ok. Text me if you need me.” Farah waved and walked off. 

Dirk smiled.

“Why are you smiling?” Todd furrowed his brows.

“This looks fun. It could be at least.”

“Trust me, it’s not fun. You have to be a real asshole for this to be fun.” He tried making excuses. Excuses for his excuses.

He told himself maybe it could be, all of that was in the past after all.

It’s just, this reminded him of the past. 

He didn’t like digging into the past. Not that he had to, definitely not that he wanted to, but just being there brought up the memories. 

Swallowed whole by the shame of his past actions.

He feared if he was reminded of the fun his past self would resurface.

He didn’t want it to. No one should ever want it to. 

But he couldn’t afford it anymore. It could never happen because he was the happiest he had ever been in his life and he wasn’t letting some stupid club ruin it. 

No. 

He couldn’t risk it. No. This wasn’t fun. It wouldn’t be fun. Never fun. 

No, nope, never.

“Todd? You’re staring into the distance,” Dirk said in his ear. “Do you see something?”

He shook back to reality.

“It’s nothing.” It wasn’t nothing.

“Doesn’t seem like nothing.” _Shit_. “What’s wrong, love?” _Double shit_.

He sighed, no use in hiding things from Dirk.

“It’s just… this is all very-”

“Ah- I see. Let’s go dance, ok?” 

“What? No- I can’t risk-”

Dirk cut him off using his favorite method, a kiss.

“That isn’t Todd,” he pulled back. “That isn’t you, that was someone else and he isn’t coming back.”

“But-”

Dirk kissed him again briefly.

“He isn’t coming back. And especially not from dancing with me. So… dance with me.”

The song changed. The universe must have been paying attention because this new song playing was perfect for them. It was a slower song, not the type of song you expect to be played at a club but what can I say? The universe has good taste.

Dirk held out his hand, Todd rolled his eyes and took it. Dirk smiled as he pulled Todd deeper into the heat of the crowd of moving bodies on the dancefloor.

A synth-y beat began and Todd immediately knew what song this was. 

_My circuits have blown_

_I know it's self-imposed_

“The new Muse album?” He groaned. “It only came out a few days ago and I already hate it. They went to shit after _Twilight_ , you know.”

_And all I have shared, and all I have loved_

_Is all I'll ever own_

“ _Twilight_ would do that to anyone,” He laughed. “But I like their new stuff. Space Pop-y.” 

“Of course you do. But I miss the space _rock_ , Matt doesn’t show off his skill anymore.”

_But something has changed_

_I feel so alive_

“Just shut up and dance.” Dirk chuckled.

_My life just blew up, I'd give it all up_

_I'll depressurize_

The lights moved with the beat. 

_Oh, oh, oh,_

But despite the pace of the song, the sheer volume of the space carried the pulsing bass and drums through their bodies like a wave of pink electricity. Enough to set their hearts racing.

_Ten thousand miles left on the road_

Todd nervously swayed to the music, Dirk danced like no one was watching. Mainly because he wasn’t watching anyone.

_Oh, oh, oh,_

Dirk opened his eyes and noticed Todd’s disposition. He frowned.

_Five hundred hours 'til I am home_

He sensed the change approaching in the music, and in the right moment, pulled Todd in by the small of his back.

_I need something human, human_

An electric wave, like a sonic blast growing outward from them. A moment meant for them and them only. A moment of pure comfort and bliss. 

_Human, human_

The human touch of Dirk’s love. A reminder of how far he’s come.

_Let's face all our fears_

_Come out of the shade_

“I’m here,” Dirk said. And despite the noise of their surroundings, the softness of his words carried through the little space between them and were only accentuated through his eyes. 

_Let's burn all the money, absolve all the lies_

_And wake up unscathed_

And at the word “lie” Todd reflexively shuddered, blocking out all other words, his mind spiraling into the deep, dark, trench of his past. And he was suddenly aware of where he was, he was at a club. Dancing. Dancing at a club. A shitty club with shitty people. Shitty people like him. He was a shitty person. A horrible person. He didn’t deserve the angel in front of him. The angel who was holding him so close, trying to make him forget his guilt. He could never forget his guilt, he could never-

_The big picture's gone_

_Replaced with visions of you_

“Todd love,” Dirk kissed his forehead. “Stop spiraling.”

“I never said-” And then he realized how he stood still and ridged, chest rising and falling rapidly.

_Now life can begin, I've cleansed all my sins_

_I'm about to break through_

“You’re a good person Todd, you aren’t that person anymore.”

_Oh, oh, oh,_

He stared at his feet, still distracted by his dark thoughts, unable to accept anything other than what he thought was true. 

_Five thousand miles left on the road_

“Look at me,” Dirk said sternly.

_Oh, oh, oh,_

Todd looked up. 

_Two hundred hours 'til I am home_

“You’re here now, with me, and you’re good.”

_I need something human, human_

“Haven’t you been listening? I’m back here, I might as well be a horrible person. This is how it started.”

_Human, human_

“What? No- never mind. We aren’t talking about that. You’re good. Need any more proof? You’re good to _me_ , so good.”

_And I need the touch_

The music slowed as Dirk held a hand to Todd’s face, rubbing his jaw with his thumb lovingly.

_And something human, human_

“It’s ok. Let’s forget about that shit and dance, ok?”

_Human_

Todd nodded as the music picked up again, this time to it’s fastest pace yet.

_Oh, oh, oh,_

The fleeting trill of the piano sent their hearts fluttering.

_Less than a mile left on the road_

That and the feeling of their bodies pressed together, moving in time with the music. Swaying, jumping, hands sliding over one another. A feeling of enchanted bliss.

_Oh, oh, oh,_

A feeling they would never get used to.

_I will be crawling through your door_

A feeling too good to be true.

_I need something human, human_

But it was true.

_Human, human_

It’s euphoric. Knowing that they had each other. 

_And I need your love_

The music slowed to almost a complete stop as they swayed in each other's arms.

_And something human, human_

Dirk was his reminder of how far he’s come, he felt like he was decent. Not anywhere near the recognition he deserved, but he was working on it. He was getting better. He didn’t feel like shit all the time. He finally felt-

_Human_

He wasn’t sure how long he had been kissing Dirk when Farah came and yelled at them, he just knew that the song had changed, at some point, he wasn’t sure how long they were into the new one or if multiple songs had played. 

But that’s not the point. Farah was back and she had very important news.

“What the fuck, guys?! I’ve been texting you!”

“Sorry, we didn’t see them,” Todd responded. 

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

“So, what’s happened?” Dirk asked.

“I’ve found a Nova seller! We have to follow him!”


	5. "Rooby Roo" It

Now, I bet you’re wondering all sorts of things right now. Like, “What’s the deal with Bean?” Or “Where is Cydney? Is she dead?” Or most importantly, “What is this case all about?!”

Well, I can’t give you the answer to any of those. Then we wouldn’t have a book!

But I think there is one last question on your mind, one I can answer; “What’s the deal with Nova? What the fuck is it?”

And that, dear reader, is a fantastic question. 

What the fuck is this shit?

Nova was created by… actually no I can’t answer that one. Not yet. You’ll find out soon enough.

Ok, let’s try again. Nova is made from… damn it, I can’t answer that one yet either!

Third time’s a charm.

Nova is a drug that primarily alters the mind into a state of euphoric bliss. Much like MDMA. But unlike Molly, Nova has some killer side effects. And when I say killer, I mean  _ killer _ . Not unlike our favorite drink, the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster. It will leave you feeling like you’ve had your brains bashed in by a gold brick wrapped in a lemon slice once the high wears off. Not fun. 

Here’s how it works:

Nova is packaged in little vials with twist-off caps. You snort it like a nasal spray. Simple.

The chemicals in Nova at this time are unknown to the public and to health officials, but not unknown to the makers of it of course. And they will remain unknown to you for the time being. 

What they do know, what you will know? 

Nova supplies dopamine and serotonin to the brain, just like any other drug. But some other substance used in it makes the mind more suggestible, more malleable, and it can make you trip as well, see and hear things. 

And when coming off of the high, it is very unpleasant. Cue the Gargle Blaster feeling. 

You feel like you’ll puke your intestines out. Light, sounds, shapes, and reality fold and contract in a tesseract, crushing your body like Waktin from Star War. Your head might as well explode. Your entire body is in excruciating pain.

And the only way to relieve this... is by taking more.

But here’s the thing. It’s not out of your system fully yet, so when you add more, the amount builds and builds. And even as it wears off, it sticks to itself, it grows and grows, lingering and refusing to wear off the more you take. And this is what leads to the easy fatal overdose we see so prevalent. Like what happened to Margaret.

This is why we have a pandemic on our hands.

So if this case could lead them to taking down the makers of Nova. They would gladly do it. Spoiler alert: They do. But not in the way you think.

Farah had just seen that distinct vial out of the corner of her eye. She turned and saw a thin, tall man with curly blonde hair and large glasses holding the vial leaning up against the brick wall, taking some money from a couple who were in for a rude awakening. 

She took out her phone and snapped a picture of him and texted Dirk and Todd. Nothing.

_ Goddamnit _ ,  _ I’m going to lose him! _

__ She texted them again. Nothing.

And he was gone.

She called them. Both rang out and went to voicemail.

She was just going to have to find them.

The bar? Nope.

Around the edges? Nope.

On the dance floor? Better not be. That would take forever.

“DIRK! TODD!”

Or not. 

There they were, made easily visible by the two colorful leather jackets. Distracted from the case. Making out.

She sighed and rolled her eyes before stomping up to tap Dirk on the shoulder. He jumped back. 

“What the fuck, guys?! I’ve been texting you!”

“Sorry, we didn’t see them,” Todd responded. 

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

“So, what’s happened?” Dirk asked.

“I’ve found a Nova seller! We have to follow him!”

“Oh shit! Let’s go then!” Todd said.

And it wasn’t long before Farah spotted him again. 

“What’s the plan?” Todd said, leaning over to Farah, keeping an eye on their suspect.

“Not sure exactly,” She shrugged. “Follow him until he leaves? And then follow him after he leaves?”

“Yes,” Dirk added, also staring at their perp. “But how will he not see us?” 

“Keep a distance?” Farah said. 

“Well, obviously.” Dirk scoffed.

“Don’t give me that, especially not from you.”

Dirk’s brows furrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ok, everybody chill.” Said Todd. “We need an actual strategy.”

Dirk suddenly gasped and raised a finger in the air, “What if…” and he lowered it with a frown. “Actually, I’ve got nothing.”

“Todd’s right though,” Farah added. “Three people look suspicious.”

“More suspicious than a drug dealer?” Dirk laughed.

“True.” She said. 

“Let’s just wing it,” Dirk suggested. “Rooby Roo it, follow the guy, and if he looks our way move out of sight.”

“Did you just say, ‘Rooby Roo’?” Todd laughed.

“Yes, the show with the detective dog.”

“That’s not- oh boy.”

“Oh shit, he’s moving.” Farah pointed at the man.

It went on like that for quite some time. A few hours possibly.

They followed the man as he made his sales, and when he turned around it went a little something like this:

Farah would see the man turn around and push them all onto the dance floor.

Or this:

Standing next to the bar, he turned around and Dirk and Todd looked at the counter before Dirk spotted something that made him laugh.

“What?”

Dirk smiled and picked up a pair of abandoned necklaces. “Glow sticks.”

They both giggled as Dirk put one around Todd’s neck and the other on his.

Or this:

The man would turn around and they would hide out of the way. Poorly, but effectively. 

Or this:

Todd would see him turning and panic slightly before Dirk passionately kissed him. A very effective technique of blending in he said. And he was right, it was effective. But something made Todd and Farah think he just wanted an excuse to kiss Todd.

Farah would roll her eyes and pull out her phone like she had just received a text.

Or this:

“Oh  _ shit _ !” Dirk would whisper as he dove out of the way like a batter sliding on to home base. 

Confused, Farah and Todd would look at the floor before realizing what was happening and then pretend their “drunk” friend had passed out or something without making too much of a scene… less of a scene than it already was… It was very much already a scene. 

And it was this final turning of events that the man realized he was being watched, sort of. He didn’t really know he was being watched, he just felt like it was a bad idea to stay there.

So he made his way out of the club. 

Creeping behind him they followed him to his small, silver, Sedan, which thankfully,  _ thank you universe _ , was very close to their own car. 

Farah slid into the driver’s seat and turned it on, Dirk in the passenger’s and Todd in the back. 

As the man pulled out of the parking lot, she waited for a car to come between them before following him. 

“Maybe this isn’t a good idea.” Dirk bounced his leg up and down.

The light turned red right after the man turned left.  _ Damn it _ .

“It’s going to be fine,” Farah assured him with a pat on the shoulder.

“This is what we do,” Todd added.

The light turned green and she quickly turned, thankfully able to find the car again. 

“It’s just, following a drug dealer’s car to an unknown location? Sounds dangerous to me.”

“When are we  _ not _ in danger, Dirk?” Todd laughed.

“This morning. Yesterday, the four months after Oneiroi. The eight months after Wendimoor.”

“It will be fine.”

They drove for a while, fifteen minutes probably before the dealer’s car made its final few turns and parked on the street across from a large fenced area. Many cars all in the same area. Most likely other dealers in the operation. They were dealing with a cartel.

It was a brick warehouse, medium in size. A very, very, very tall fence surrounded it. It had a rather large loading area. Almost to the size of a Walmart parking lot. 

But in this large paved area didn’t sit any cars or trucks.

No.

That was too obvious. 

Too expected.

Too boring.

The lot in front of the warehouse was covered in a hundred or so free-roaming goats.

“What the fuck?” They all said as they watched the man get out of his car and unlock the gate.

Farah pulled out her phone and took a picture of the place and made sure the location was on.

“Let’s come back tomorrow. Hopefully, no one will be here during the day.” She said.

They all agreed as they drove off into the night. 

Still in complete shock and utterly perplexed as to the purpose of the goats.


	6. Goats?

I have something I need to get off my chest. 

I’ve been lying to you.

Sorry.

This case… it’s not exactly your normal case. Back to the whole “normal is normal and isn’t normal because odd is normal and normal is odd but odd is also odd and isn’t odd at the same time and frankly the English language and human nature is a bit of a _bloody mess_ isn’t it?!” thing and what was I saying? Right… not a “normal” case.

Normal for Dirk _is_ odd as a default and is therefore normal by default as a result- and I’m doing it again…

A horse in a bathroom, an impossibly stuck couch, a kitten-shark, just the Bofuki Nepoo themselves, a giant life-like mechanical worm… yes, that’s all very normal. All fine and dandy! Very _not_ fine and dandy! 

What I’m trying to say is, this case isn’t a simple drug bust. It’s much bigger.

What if I were to tell you that the name “Dirk Gently” had been the center of not only one prophecy? No, that would be absolutely _ludicrous_. He was, in fact, the center of five prophecies, but that’s for another day. For the purposes of this story, this prophecy is the second prophecy that has to do with the ending of a world. 

See, the Mayans were not far off in their estimation of Earth’s end in 2012, they were only six years off. _6_? That’s a specific number. Triple that and you have the devil’s number.

Coincidence? 

Yes. 

No. 

Probably? Possibly? Scratch that, definitely a coincidence. Only… everything is connected. 

What if it was the devil’s number because it was triple the amount that the estimation of the world’s end was off due to the devilish act of stupid drunkenness due to fermented cocoa beans.

Yes, that’s how the estimation was made. It seems a lot of existence’s problems were born from drunken mistakes. So, no. Definitely not a coincidence. 

The apocalypse was set for November of 2018. And it was up to Dirk to stop it. 

But he doesn’t know that yet. 

What he does know?

“There are bloody _goats_ at this warehouse!”

It was the next day, around noon or such and they stood facing the goat covered warehouse parking lot in the daylight. 

“So it wasn’t a dream, I wasn’t drugged… there are _goats_ at this warehouse!” Dirk continued. “You know we have to do something illegal, right?”

“Eh,” Todd shrugged. “They won’t call the cops on us for breaking into where they probably make the drugs.”

“I brought a lockpick,” Farah said. 

“Excellent assisting.” Dirk smiled with a pat on her shoulder. 

With Bean in toe, yes they brought Bean- _Of course, she had to come with, Todd. She’s an assis-pet!_ Dirk insisted- they picked the lock and opened the gate.

The goats all ushered around them, attempting to chew on their clothes but Bean growled at them, sending them running. 

“Good girl, Bean!” Dirk said and she jumped with a happy yap. Todd just rolled his eyes with what can only be described as a very Todd smile. “Now, be quiet, we don’t know if anyone is here.”

Upon closer inspection, they realized that this warehouse was very old. Some windows were blown out and the wooden doors were rotting.

“Spooky” Dirk muttered under his breath with an excited smirk. “Big spooky fan, me.” 

“You don’t strike me as a spooky fan.” Todd turned to him, confused. 

“Well, if something seems spooky, it’s usually because it will turn out to be strange. Big strange fan, me.”

They crept along the sides of the building, remaining out of sight from the windows until they dropped to the ground and peeked through the shattered glass.

It was all one room from what they could see. And no one was in there.

Dirk got up and ran to the door, Bean following closely behind.

“Dirk!” Todd and Farah angrily whispered for him to come back before he did something idiotic and rash. Too late.

“Farah! Todd!” He smiled over at them, pointing at the door. “The door is unlocked!” And he opened it and went inside.

“Damnit Dirk if you get yourself killed-” Farah began before mumbling to herself and storming after him. 

“If you get yourself killed,” Todd followed, “I will bring you back from the grave, kill you myself for being so stupid, and then bring you back again.”

“You would never do that.” Dirk pointed out.

“Nope. But I hope I scared you away from getting yourself killed.”

Dirk turned to him and held his face in one hand and gave him a brief kiss before whispering sweetly, “You’re very scary, darling. So scary.”

“Hate to interrupt whatever that is,” Farah said as she gestured vaguely, “But we’ve got a warehouse to search.”

“Right.” Dirk clapped.

“ _ARF_!” Said Bean.

The space was strangely empty, no shelves, it didn’t look like a normal warehouse. No, instead it was more of a garage, split into levels but all one room.

In the front was sort of a lounge if you could call it that. 

Lining the walls, two medium bookshelves sat, and hanging on the walls was a rack of guns. Slightly in front of this sat a few folding chairs and a beat-up couch, the type you see outside of dumpsters. You know, the baby-puke yellow-green ones with stuffing and springs poking out and mysterious, suspicious stains galore. Under this set of uncomfortable seating utensils were a few crooked, torn rugs. And in front of this sat not a tv, but a whiteboard with a few things written on it in a strange set of symbols like another language, one none of them had seen before. 

Towards the back, on a slightly elevated platform, hidden out of view by curtains… well, we’ll get to that later.

Farah made her way to the whiteboard and Dirk, and thus, Bean followed. Todd made his way over to the bookshelves.

“What are these?” She said. Her face very, almost unnecessarily, close to the whiteboard. Looking for who knows what at that distance.

“Do you see something?” Dirk asked, also face millimeters away from the board. “Is there some sort of-strange, microscopic or miniature alien organism? If so, why can’t I see it? Can you see it, Bean?”

“Ok, we get it, I was unnecessarily close to the board.” She rolled her eyes and wandered over to the other side before coming back and flipping the board over.

“Oh my-” He said. “Do you have x-ray vision, Farah?”

This other side of the board? It was extremely frightening, to say the least.

Because on this board were pictures of hundreds of people, each marked. Some had red X's over them, others had a black checkmark, some were blank. 

And a few of the pictures were recognized. 

Among the red X group was Margaret and a few other deceased Nova users they recognized, among the blank group were a few familiar faces from the club that bought Nova from our perp, and in the black checkmark group were Cydney and our perp.

Farah pulled out her phone and took a picture of the board. 

Todd examined the shelves. One of the shelves held more books about all things Greek and the other was much more intriguing. 

Rows upon rows of manila folders. 

He pulled out one, “Holy shit,” he said, flipping through the papers. “This is all info on somebody. _GUYS_!” 

Dirk and Farah perked up and went over to him.

“Oh my God,” Farah said in seeing the contents of the folder before pulling out another one. “This is all info on the people on the board.”

“Think we should tell the police?” Dirk asked.

“That we broke into a warehouse?” Todd replied, “I don’t think so.”

“Let’s check out what’s behind the curtain!” Dirk bounced off, Bean followed. 

“Damn it, Dirk!” Todd ran after him and his jaw dropped after running up the three steps and pulling the curtain open. “Holy shit.”

This was it, “I think… I think this is where they make the drugs,” Dirk giggled excitedly at his new discovery.

He was right. 

In the corner sat two crates, one full of empty vials and the other of full ones. In the center was a very large, very complicated distilling machine that looked like something out of _Breaking Bang Theory_ , Dirk thought to himself. And in the other corner? Something most interesting. Vats of something.

He wandered over to them, gabbing Todd’s hand and pulling him with. 

Their eyes widened, “FARAH?!” They both yelled.

She was halfway up the steps when they yelled for her, “I’m right here, no need to- Woah.”

“Yes, yes, this is where they make the drugs,” Dirk said, motioning her over with an arm behind his back, still staring at the vat. “But I think I found the main ingredient.”

She approached them and when she saw what they saw, her eyes too widened.

The vats were filled with a very strange, very strange indeed, blue-green pulpy goo. 

Dirk reached out.

“Dirk, don’t-” Todd sighed, it was too late, his finger was submerged in the goo. 

He put his finger to his face and sniffed at it with a concentrated face, “Odd, doesn’t smell like _anything_. It smells like the opposite of everything, like the smell of emptiness and nothingness, the smell of absence of smells.”

“What does that even mean?” Todd chuckled.

Dirk turned to him with a large grin, “I haven’t the faintest idea,” he said before giving in to his own laughter. 

_CRASH!_

“Bean, was that you?” Dirk looked over his shoulder to see her at his feet. 

_CLANG!_

“Now I know that wasn’t you.” He looked back at the group, “So what was that?”

They stood silent for a moment, doing that silent talking through faces thing, exchanging fast-paced glances and turning of heads. The conversation went something along the lines of this:

“Damnit Dirk, you must have set something off.” Todd raised his brows with a stern look. 

“I did no such thing,” He pouted before turning his head to Farah. “Help me out,” with a passive-aggressive jerk of his head towards Todd.

“I’m with Todd on this one,” She rolled her eyes before leaning her chin ever so slightly to her chest with wide eyes. “If not, then we better get the fuck out of here.”

Dirk jerked his head forward once rather like a chicken and swung his arms out to his side, “Stop it! I didn’t do _anything_.” He turned his head quickly to Todd on his right and then quickly to Farah on his left before looking straight with a goofy smirk and a slight tilt of his head. “Now, let’s go investigate said sounds.”

Todd strongly shook his head, “Are you kidding me? We have to get out of here.”

Todd was right. They needed to get out of there. Because from behind them, very, very close behind them, they heard a voice. A low feminine voice.

“Night, night, pretty boy.” The voice said as three arms reached around them with cloths soaked in chloroform. 

“You were riiiiighht-” Dirk slurred before their worlds faded into darkness.


	7. Like Gasoline Into A Building Already On Fire

It was black.

“Were you followed? How do they know about this place?” The same voice from earlier boomed from the other side of the warehouse.

“I-I don’t think so.” A man stuttered. 

“I told you to lock the damn door, Donovan!” The woman said.

Dirk shot his eyes open. He was facing a wall, not very helpful. He tried to stand up but he quickly realized he was bound to one of the foldable chairs, his hands tied behind his back and his chest tied to the chair, his feet bound together. _How do I always manage to get caught up in situations like these?_ He thought.

He wiggled right fingers and felt Todd’s distinctly calloused fingertips. He wiggled his left and assumed it was Farah on the other side. _Thank God._

“Todd? Farah?” He whispered.

“Dirk?” Todd whispered back with excited relief in his voice.

“What other eccentric Brit would it be, Todd?”

“Would you two shut up? I’m trying to listen in on their conversation.”

“Hello to you too, Farah,” Dirk said.

“It’s fine-” The woman clearly lied, “It’s fine, just… don’t let anyone follow you when the shipment comes in.”

_Shipment? What shipment?_

“What shipment?” The man asked, dumbfounded.

“Damn it, Donovan, you really are stupid!” They heard a slap, presumably from the woman, and a grunt, presumably from the man. “At the docks tomorrow at midnight? _The_ shipment?”

“Oh yeah, _the_ shipment.” He had a very stereotypically idiotic voice.

“Looks like we’re going to the docks tomorrow,” Farah whispered.

“If we get out of here, which I highly doubt,” Dirk whined.

“We’ll figure something out,” Todd reassured him, grabbing what he thought was his hand. Very clumsily, they were tied up after all. It was less of a hand-hold and more of an affectionate brush of fingers. “Got any ideas, Farah?”

“Yes, actually, but we need them to be gone. And I need you to shut up!”

“Now,” said the woman. “We’ve got prisoners. I’m sure the supreme leader wouldn’t be pleased to hear that you practically let them walk in.”

_Supreme leader? What the bloody hell were they dealing with?_

“Look, I was high, ok? It went weird in my brain. It went weird and made me think weird and do stuff wrong. I do drugs.”

The woman sighed, “I know Don, we _make_ the drugs.”

He let out a gasp of realization, “Right, I forgot. I do drugs.”

_This guy is stupid._

“Why did they even choose you?”

“Because I do drugs, that's how this thing works, remember?”

“I remember, I’m not stupid like you.”

“Normally I would take offense to that, but I honestly feel like I deserve it. Not sure why, maybe it’s the psychic link.”

“ _Psychic link?!_ ” Dirk gasped. The two went silent. “Oh, bugger did I say that out loud?”

Bean ran up to his feet. It was important to note -since you couldn’t see her- that Bean wasn’t tied up or cadged. She simply pouted on the couch, worried about her new daddies -mostly Dirk but she was slowly becoming more fond of Todd- and their friend.

It was silent for too long. Despite it only being a few seconds.

The only sounds were footsteps on the concrete floor approaching them. Slowly growing from quiet, then getting louder and louder until Dirk was face to face with the woman they heard. 

“Look who’s awake, It’s pretty boy, short stack, and their sidekick.”

“I’m not their sidekick,” Todd insisted stubbornly. 

“Wasn’t talking to you, short stack.”

“Oh, you’re going to get it-”

“And I am definitely not their sidekick,” said Farah. “If anything I’m the most competent out of all of us.”

“Sounds about right-WAIT...” Dirk realized something. Something oh-so-obvious like it was staring him in the face, well it was staring him in the face but that isn’t the point. The point was, he recognized the woman. He recognized her from a picture in a crappy blue paper folder. “You’re- you’re Cydney Scott…” He breathed.

“How do you know who I am?” Fury behind her hazel eyes. 

“I’m a det-”

“Don’t answer that,” Farah said sternly.

“Then how will you convince me not to kill you?” She leaned in, all too close to Dirk. Very much in his bubble and he was not a fan of it. 

“I don’t want to die!” He squeezed his eyes shut, leaning his head back as far as possible. “I’m going to tell her.”

“Don’t tell her,” Todd insisted.

“Well do you have any better idea, darling? Because I don’t and I really do not feel like dying today.”

“Seriously, we don’t know what we’re dealing with,” Farah said.

“All the more reason to tell her, we don’t know what we’re dealing with, self-defense 101.”

“Baby, I’m beginning to think you don’t know what self-defense means,” Todd shook his head.

“You’re just figuring this out?” Said Farah.

“Did you… did you just use a pet name?” Dirk smiled. “I thought you didn’t _do_ pet names.”

“Well, I can’t exactly use your name right now.” He defended himself. “And-”

“I liked it. That wasn’t so hard, now was it?”

“I guess not-”

“Will you two shut UP!” Farah yelled. “We’re being held hostage by a person who wants to kill us!”

“We might not be in danger, they didn’t tie up Bean,” Todd added. “She could be bluffing.”

“I assure you,” She stepped back to reveal the man they followed last night holding a gun. “I’m not bluffing.”

“My name is Dirk Gently, I’m a detective hired to find you by your best friend Robyn.”

“Robyn?” Her face softened.

“Yes, and I found you. Dirk Gently has done it again! So if you would be so kind as to untie us and come back-”

“I’m not going back,” her face returned to its stone-cold glare. 

“Then at _least_ let us go.” 

“I’m not doing that either.”

“That doesn’t seem very fair.”

"Well, what do you think is _fair_? It doesn't seem fair for me to just ' _let you go_.' That's not how this works, it's not supposed to be _fair_."

"Well, you can't just keep us here."

"I think I can."

"BEAN GET THEM!" Dirk yelled to the dog staring up at him from his feet.

She cocked her head to the side with a questioning whine.

Cydney laughed.

"You think your dog can fight off two humans?! Ridiculous!"

"She's-she's a uh, holistic..?" _Think! Think, Dirk Think. Bean has to be threatening to them somehow!_ "She has rabies!"

"Doesn't look like it."

"She's a puppy-shark!"

"What the hell does that even mean?" _Right, that's only threatening to us..._

"The-THE GOATS!" _The goats had to be important!_ "The goats are afraid of her!"

The man named "Donovan" burst out into a fit of laughter,

"The goats? Afraid of a dog?! That's hilarious! You're hilarious!"

"What even is the deal with the goats?" Todd interjected.

"What's the _deal_ with them?" He scoffed, "They're goats, man! They wouldn't be afraid of some dog."

"They sure did seem afraid of her earlier," Dirk said.

"They probably have some plan. They just want you to think that."

"I'm not sure goats are capable of thinking like _that_ ," Todd's brows furrowed.

"How..." Don approached Todd rather rapidly, " _DARE YOU_ ," He grabbed Todd's hoodie with both hands, pulling his nose to his, spitting the words onto his face with an infuriated grimace that would have Satan himself pining for this man's wrath. "INSULT THE GOATS!"

"What's the deal with the goats?!" Farah asked. Donovan let go of Todd and made his way over to her.

"They are the most intelligent beings on planet Earth and all shall quiver in their glory!"

"Ok," Dirk said slowly. "So we've got a mad man we're dealing with, that much is clear."

"I am NOT-"

"Let them think what they want to think about the goats," Cydney said in a calm voice meant to quell the man's anger. "We know the truth."

"Permission to kill them? The goats deserve vengeance," He said.

A hurried flood of "NO-NO-NO"s came from all three of them.

"NO," Cydney commanded. _Thank God._

"Well then what will we do?"

"I don't know," she pondered.

And then Todd had an idea.

A horrible, horrible, idea.

One that just might be crazy enough to work.

One that would only work if he gave up everything he ever promised himself a long time ago. Everything that mattered to him. Everything that made him the Todd of the present.

Fake an attack.

He hated the idea of him doing this.

He was good at it, however. He had to be.

He was saving their lives, right?

Would Amanda forgive him?

Would Dirk forgive him?

Would _he_ forgive him?

He probably wouldn't. He already hated himself, what was this? It was like dumping only one can of gasoline into a building already engulfed in flames. It didn't really matter.

He was saving their lives, right? That gives him an excuse... doesn't it?

Well now, he didn't have to ask himself this question any further. His body made up his mind for him.

Because the stress of asking himself the question gave him one. A real one.

And all anyone in the warehouse heard was the screaming. The horrible, horrible screaming.

"TODD!" Dirk cried.

"What's happening?!" Don and Cydney both yelled.

Todd just screamed.

Bean ran over to Todd, nudging his knees with her nose. Whimpering in fear.

" _PLEASE!_ LET US OUT! HE'S HAVING AN ATTACK!"

And then Todd started choking. Gasping for air.

"OH NO! FUCK! PLEASE HE'S GOING TO GET HURT IF YOU DON'T LET ME HELP HIM!"

"How do we know this isn't just some elaborate escape plan?" Cydney questioned. And oh, this did not help at all. Just the accusation sent Todd shaking, more than he already was. The chair violently rattled under his writing.

And Dirk knew how much of a trigger this was for him, and it set him flaming. His eyes blurred from the welling tears. "How dare you! NO! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU! LET ME OUT!"

A cue from Dirk's anger sent Bean growling and barking at Cydney and Don. They backed up with their arms up.

And while hearing Dirk defend him made his heart flutter, hearing Dirk defend him for what almost was an elaborate escape plan hurt. Knowing that he almost hurt needlessly. And it didn't help. Nothing helped. That was much was obvious. But it still, it still was awful. It always was.

What was this specific attack?

Bugs.

Like the filthy person he was.

It started with hundreds of rather large beetles crawling under his skin, the bulges of skin moving convulsing under his clothes. And then he realized they were in his stomach too. Smaller ones. But still uncomfortably large.

They emerged from his stomach, climbing up his throat and crawling out of his mouth. And that was when he started choking.

"Please, please please please," Dirk's voice a low, breathless whisper. Pleading, begging for them to let him help Todd. "Please, if this continues he'll hurt himself. He could _die_. Don't let him leave me, please." Hot tears spilling over his face. "Just let me give him his medicine."

And it was Cydney who broke first.

"Ok," She said softly and approached Dirk, ignoring Bean's angry yaps.

"It's ok, Bean, she's agreed to help." And she backed off, perfectly understanding Dirk somehow.

Cydney fumbled at Dirk's rope, she jerked her head over to Todd to tell Don to undo him. Reluctantly, we all know how he feels about Todd at this point, he obeyed.

It felt like forever waiting for him to be free. Todd's coughs and the feeling of him shaking next to/behind him the only thing his mind was capable of focusing on. And it killed him see-er-hearing him like that.

And when he was finally was free he ran to Todd's side as he fell out of his chair and onto the floor, writhing around, gasping for air.

Dirk cried over him, holding him in his lap as he shuffled through his pockets looking for his pills.

"It's going to be ok, love. You're doing great. Just stay with me, can you do that?"

His mouth gaping open, his tears leaking out of the corners of his wide eyes that looked back up at Dirk. He barely moved his head, but it was a vaguely recognizable nod.

Dirk found them relatively quickly and very easily opened it despite his clammy hands. He put the pill on Todd's tongue and forced his mouth shut. Todd couldn't breathe.

"Please, you can do this," he sobbed. "Just swallow them for me, you can do it."

It was a struggle, but a success.

And within a few moments, the attack subsided and he was able to breathe normally again.

"It's ok, it's ok," Dirk kissed his sweaty forehead and ran his fingers through his hair. "It's all ok now."

When he was able to move again he sat up and hugged Dirk, clinging onto him for dear life, crying.

"It's ok, you're ok," Dirk held him in his arms, cradling his head, rocking them back and forth.

And they sat like that for a few moments. Todd crying and Dirk whispering comforting words of encouragement in his ear as he held him.

They didn't even notice Farah beside them until she reached out and rubbed Todd's back.

"They're letting us go," she said.

"That's odd," Dirk responded. He pulled back and looked up at Cydney and Don. "Thank you, thank you so much."

Don scowled.

"I know what it's like," Cydney said. "The way you look at him... just... don't come looking for me anymore. Tell Robyn I said 'I'm sorry, but I'm not coming back.'"

Dirk helped Todd to his feet before saying, "You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Ok. I guess... that's your choice," He nodded. And they began walking back to their car. And he couldn't help feeling that something was off, something was wrong, this wasn't the end of the case.

But I guess you knew that already.


	8. Nightly Routine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little trigger warning for this chapter:  
> It goes deeper into the effects of Nova on a personal level (Tina's experience with it) and has very minor parallels to addiction so watch out for that. I think this is the most graphic I go into the effects of Nova so you shouldn't have to worry about that in the future. I'll put a little warning before the section.

They were apparently out for quite some time because when they left the warehouse it was already dark.

They went home. It was a long day and they could follow up on the people on the board tomorrow. They had until midnight tomorrow after all. 

Farah unlocked the door to her apartment and let out a long sigh as she shed her jacket, not minding where it ended up. Until she did mind, as much as she tried to ignore her jacket on the floor it sat there mocking her at her laziness. 

She walked back over and picked up the jacket, moving it to the coat rack that sat next to the door. _See? Wasn’t that hard._

She dug through the fridge in her kitchenette, pulling out her leftover spaghetti. Thankful that she just so happened to have something that required no effort ready waiting for her. 

As she waited for her food to be done in the microwave, she pulled out her phone and texted Tina, smiling at the almost immediate response.

She pulled up the video chat that immediately followed instantly and smiled at seeing her beautiful girlfriend’s face, a much-needed distraction from all of the shit today.

“Hey, babe!” Tina said. “What’s up? Other than seeing sexy moi of course.”

They both giggled.

“You would not _believe_ the day we’ve had,” Farah rolled her eyes.

“Oh RIGHT! New case! Dish.”

“Well, for starters, we almost died-”

“Don’t you dare fucking die on me.”

“I’ll try. Anyway, Todd saved our lives by having an attack, something I never thought I’d say.”

“Oh my god, is he ok?”

“Nope, it was a bad one, he himself almost died from it. Dirk’s taking care of him though, he said he has a hunch it’s going to be a long night for them so I’m on standby.”

“Holy shit.”

The microwave beeped and Farah held up a finger as if to say, “Hold that thought.” Tina nodded before Farah put her phone down and grabbed her food. She quickly picked up her phone afterwards and propped it up on a small aloe plant pot that sat on the breakfast bar before sitting down.

“You know how we were looking for an MP?” She asked before taking a bite of her spaghetti.

“Yeah… oh my god you found her! Already? That was quick. Dirk’s getting better at this. Or is it just you, you brilliant badass, you,” She blew an air kiss to the camera.

Farah reached up and pretended to grab it and blew one back. “We found her, except she’s not coming back. Turns out this thing is much bigger than we thought.”

“Right, the Nova connection.”

“Well, we think she’s the head of the Nova ring.”

“Bullshit, Nova’s only been ‘round for two months. Let me tell you,” she shook her head dramatically, “Not a pleasant experience.”

“I remember.” 

_**TW:**_ On one visit Tina and Farah went to a gay club, much to Farah’s dismay, clubs were _not_ her thing. But this was her time with Tina and that’s what Tina wanted to do. How bad could it be? Very bad.

This was right around the time when Nova had just popped up, no news stories on its horrors yet. Tina, being Tina, had wandered off, already a little tipsy, and had heard some other people saying it was great… so she tried it. 

When Farah had found her again she was all blissed out, much like the love spell “but better”. She received a very long lecture from her about not trying new stuff that she didn’t know what was in, so they went home. And that was very much a good idea.

Because when they got back to Farah’s apartment, after a while cuddling on the couch watching _Brooklyn-99_ , she started shaking. And then came the headache. And then came the writhing in pain. Farah started freaking out, Tina kept screaming “more, MORE”. Farah wanted to take her to the hospital, Tina didn’t want it on her record, especially since she was going to be hired by the SPD soon. So they agreed to only take her if she passed out or grew a fever. Which she didn’t. 

After the pain subsided, Tina wasn’t herself for the next 24 hours. She stared off into the distance, she tried to leave to “get more”. She “needed more”. She would “die without more”. “The world was damned to fire and brimstone.” That’s all she said. That and the occasional grunt. Farah didn’t know what to do. She was about to call Dirk and Todd, sobbing when she heard a knock at the door. 

Backing up so she could still look at Tina she approached the door. And upon opening it she heard Dirk’s distinct voice say, “Farah, why on Earth is your back to me, do you greet all of the people who come to your flat like this now?” 

She just yelled at him to come in already and fucking help. Dirk explained he had a hunch that something was wrong and “oh my god something definitely is wrong.” But they shouldn’t take her to the hospital, she would be fine. 

Farah yelled at him because something was clearly not ok. She was terrified. She explained everything that happened last night, that she hadn’t slept. 

Dirk and Todd told her to get some sleep, they would wake her if plans changed. 

Reluctantly, she agreed.

And so Farah went to bed, and Dirk and Todd watched Tina. 

And after 24 hours, she was back to normal. And Tina agreed to _never_ try anything she didn’t know anything about ever again. That was something she never wanted to go through again. 

_**End of TW:**_ Back to the present.

“So why do you think our MP’s, well… now found. Found person? FP? Anyway, why do you think our ‘FP’s the head?” _Our_ , like she was there with her, solving the case at her side. This was their nightly routine, if she wasn’t too tired or currently out actively working, they would video chat and Farah would catch Tina up on all the details of their newest case. Before the case started… geez only 2 days ago… their call would consist of updates on Dirk, Todd, and Mona, and Todd’s recovery. They would watch shows together and text their reactions, or just talk for hours. 

“She seemed to boss the other guy around, he took orders from her. But maybe she’s just under the head, she mentioned a,” in finger quotes, “‘supreme leader’.”

“What the fuck does that even mean?” She laughed.

“I have no clue. We found the warehouse where they make Nova!”

“Oh my god you can take down the whole thing, I haven’t heard of it popping up anywhere else than Seattle.”

“You think we’re going to tell the police we _broke into_ a drug lab? Yeah, good idea.”

“Well, maybe that’s what this case is? Like the last one, it starts off with a hire, you solve it relatively quickly, but then shit gets much bigger and you continue investigating?”

“Dirk did say that he didn’t think this case was over… and it does seem like taking it down is what we should do…”

“I don’t want anyone else to go through what I went through,” Tina shuddered at the thought.

“I know, baby. I know… there is some sort of ‘shipment’ coming in at the docks tomorrow night at midnight.”

“Well, then that’s what you should be doing. Is that all that happened today? Any other stuff I’m missing?”

“Well, I know I’m missing you,” Farah said softly.

“Fuck, I miss you too,” she pouted.

“I can’t wait for you to finally move in in two months.”

“Me either, I love ya.”

“Love you too.”

Tina was so brave, kind, and deeply caring. All Farah could ever think about was how lucky she was to have her by her side. 

“Oh _SHIT_ , I forgot to tell you about the goats!”

“The goats?!”


	9. Strangely Familiar

Tonight was about to be a very long night for Todd and Dirk. A night full of tears and pain from both of them. Both physically and emotionally. Todd was going to be completely drained of his spoons in the morning. Not a great thing when they have to stay up late the next night and probably run for their lives. Not to mention break the news to Robyn that their best friend was most likely the new leader of the Nova operation and she wasn’t coming back. 

But all of that was for tomorrow Dirk, Todd, and Farah to deal with. Tonight they just needed to focus on getting Todd through this.

Because Todd was not in a good place tonight. Not at all. And Dirk was going to be there through the whole thing.

Dirk unlocked the door to their apartment, Bean ran directly to the sofa and curled up with a long sigh. Todd sat down next to her, petting her head. He will admit, she was growing on him.

Dirk took off his jacket and loosened his tie a bit. He headed for the kitchen and poured a glass of water and handed it to Todd who took it with a grateful smile before sitting down next to him, wrapping his arm around his waist, pulling him as close as possible.

“How are you feeling?” Dirk said as he kissed the top of Todd’s head. 

“Shit,” he replied through sleepy eyes.

“I don’t think you’ve ever had an attack so perfectly timed,” he smiled at Todd before looking at the wall, about to begin a Dirk ramble. “Other than when we were in Louisiana and Ken was chasing us and the portal opened, however, the portal could have opened because we needed it not because of the attack, or maybe it was Wakti! But seriously… bloody good coincidence-”

And then Todd grunted. He grabbed Dirk’s shirt forcefully to stabilize himself. 

“Todd, love, what’s the matter?” He turned to him and his eyes widened when he saw the grimace of pain on his face which quickly turned to a scream. “Oh, _fuck_.”

He violently shook, almost seizing, unable to speak.

Bean perked up and moved closer to Todd, whining.

“Ok, ok, pills,” he dug through his pockets before he pulled his hands back, “WAIT, oh shit it’s too early to take more…” Dirk knew without having to ask what attack this one was. “It’s electrocution again, isn’t it?”

Todd struggled out a nod. Electrocution made up most of his attacks all thanks to his many experiences with it before he got the disease for real. 

“Ok. We’re going to have to sit this one through. Just a bit of electricity, nothing we aren’t used to. At least you aren’t on fire,” he joked, Todd let out a pained smile. “Hey, there he is. That lovely smile for me, it’s starting to fade isn’t it?”

Todd nodded, still shaking, however.

“Ok, I’ve got you,” Dirk said in a soothing voice. “I’m here, you’re safe, I love you and I’m here.”

And within a few moments, it was gone. 

Todd loosened his grip on Dirk’s shirt and sat up more, before burying his head into Dirk’s shoulder and sitting silent. Regaining his composure.

Dirk looked confused but still supportive as he turned around to face Todd and pulled him in closer, holding his head close to him. “What’s wrong?” He knew this wasn’t the average post-attack-breakdown. He had a hunch something was different.

“I’m sorry,” Todd said, muffled.

“Whatever for?”

“For being the way I am,” he pulled back and looked into Dirk’s soft blue eyes.

“What do you mean, darling? I love the way you are.”

“No, Dirk. For being sick. For having you take care of me so much. One thing goes wrong and I do this. And then you-”

“Todd,” he said sternly and forcefully. “Stop it.”

“What?” He breathed.

“It’s not your fault you’re sick. It’s not your fault for having attacks, it’s out of your control. Don’t apologize for things that aren’t your fault.”

“But it is,” he looked down and shook his head. “It’s my fault I have this stupid disease. Karma’s a bitch and I got put on its revenge list. Here I am. A stupid, chronically ill, asshole.”

“You’re only one of those things…”

“Not helping, Dirk.” 

“No I mean you’re only chronically ill. You’re a brilliant, _chronically ill_ , kind person and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Are you saying you like-”

“Oh shit, I’m bad at this, aren’t I?” He giggled slightly.

“A little bit.” Todd laughed back.

“What I’m trying to say is, don’t put yourself down for something out of your control. There are a finite number of things in your life that you can control. First, you can only control you so that narrows down our list quite some bit but even then most things about you, you can’t control. You can control, let’s see,” He started counting on his fingers. “You can control your actions, how you react to things and such, and if you’re able you can control your body’s movements… that's about it.” He held his hand up to Todd. “Two things,” he shook it in his face. “Two things, Todd!” He sighed and dropped his hand to his lap. “What can’t you control? That’s a much longer list. For starters, you can’t control your breathing, your heartbeat, your digestive system, your feelings, and _your nervous system_. You can’t control your sickness, Todd. I don’t want to hear it again. I don’t want to hear your apologizing for something you can’t control.”

_Damn it,_ Todd thought with a smile. _Dirk is too good for you. He deserves to know though… Because I guess I_ can _sort of “control it”..._

“I think you need to know something. And it’s ok if it changes how you think about me but I think it will help you understand what I’m saying a bit better but keep in mind that I _didn’t_ do it. Keep that in mind and please, please don’t be mad.”

“Why on Earth would I be mad at you?”

He took a deep breath, “I almost faked it.”

Dirk tilted his head slightly to the side, “What do you mean? What’s ‘it’, what did you ‘almost fake’?”

“The attack. In the warehouse. I almost faked it. BUT I DIDN’T! That was a real attack.”

“Ok,” Dirk shrugged.

“OK?!” 

“Ok,” he nodded.

“What do you fucking mean, ‘ok’?! Didn’t you hear me? I almost _faked_ it.”

“Yeah. You almost faked your attack. Brilliant assisting.”

“ _Assisting?!_ Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Yes,” he said in a calm, matter-of-fact manner. “If you didn’t have an attack then we probably wouldn't have made it out. Real or not an attack would have saved our lives. Smart thinking. But I guess your body decided to make it real that son-of-a-bitch.”

“DID YOU HEAR ME?! I almost faked it! I almost broke every rule I ever promised myself. I almost reverted. I almost went back to past Todd. The Todd who steals, lies, cheats, _hurts_ people. I almost threw all of that out of the window and all you can say is ‘good idea’?! I-” his breath hitched as he felt a knot rise in his throat, ready to give in to the blurring field in his eyes. And he didn’t stop them from spilling over. “I almost… just for even considering it, I’m back to square one. I’m an asshole. I hurt people. I almost lied. I almost broke every promise I made to me, Amanda, you. I always have been, and now I guess always will be, a horrible person.” 

“Don’t say that,” Dirk pouted. “It’s different if it was to help people. And you _have_ changed. And if it makes you feel any better, which it shouldn’t, you didn’t fake it.”

“And Cydney said, she asked if I was faking it! I almost was! And you, you shut her down, saying I would do no such thing. But I would! I almost did!” He cried.

“But you didn’t. And even if you did, it wouldn’t be a big deal. It still would have gotten us out.”

“But-”

“No buts.”

“I haven’t changed, Dirk. I’m an asshole.”

“Here’s the thing,” He took Todd’s hands into his. “Old Todd faked for the benefit of only himself. New Todd _almost_ faked to help people he loves. I say there’s a major difference there.”

“I guess…” he started calming down a bit.

“I love you,” Dirk leaned in and kissed a falling tear off of Todd’s cheek. “Nothing can ever change that.”

“Ok…” Todd sighed.

“It’s going to be ok,” Dirk said before letting go of one of Todd’s hands to cup his cheek. Stroking away the tears with his thumb before bringing his lips to his in a kiss that said it all.

_I love you._

_I trust you._

_You are a good person. You’re good to me. Let me be good to you._

_You deserve this._

Todd shivered. He pulled back.

“Fuck, Dirk. It’s cold.” 

He looked down at his hands to see them freezing over in a swirling frosty pattern.

Dirk sighed. _Another_ _one_. “Ok. Let’s get you warm then.”

He stood off the couch and guided Todd over to their bed. Wrapping every blanket they had around him, which was a lot. He scootched up behind him and held him close. 

“This helping?” Dirk said in Todd’s ear.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Can we lay down? I’m getting tired.”

“Of course.” And he shifted them downwards.

“I want to face you, like in the mornings.” Dirk smiled and helped flip Todd over.

He brushed Todd’s hair out of his face, lulling him to sleep.

And Todd had a dream. 

Less of a dream, more of a vision.

Because in this dream he saw some weirdly specific stuff, more like a _thing_. It was definitely more of a _thing_. It was only one _thing_.

There were no words that accompanied this vision, just an image of said _thing_. 

He saw a crystal. A big blue crystal. A magnificent mix of royal blues and navys with tiny ribbon-like streaks of cobalt and black and little patches of jade green that bloomed throughout its cracks. And this crystal was shaped like an Octahedron, a familiar shape but he couldn’t pin why. There was something strange about this crystal, more details to be seen but it was all too quick to analyze it. Only enough time to recognize it when he inevitably finds said stone.

And that was all he saw. 

He sat up very quickly, almost too quickly for he felt a little dizzy. 

It was still dark out.

He looked over and Dirk was gone, Bean in his place.

“Dirk?”

He got out of bed and looked at the clock, 9:04.

“You hungry?” Dirk said from the kitchenette. “I ordered us Chinese.”

“I love you, you perfect man,” Todd said from behind him as he wrapped his arms around Dirk’s waist, rocking them a bit while he focused on plating their food.

“I love you too. Feeling better?” He turned around and gave him a short kiss on the forehead, handing him a plate.

“Yeah, actually. Thank you for putting up with my bullshit.”

“Oh please, I live for putting up with your bullshit.”

“And I live for putting up with yours,” he chuckled before he remembered, “OH SHIT!”

“What? What is it?”

“I had a vision! Either that or a really weird cryptic dream that was formatted like a vision.”

“Well, I certainly hope it was a vision. What was it of?”

“This weird crystal. It was a weird shape too, it looked familiar.”

“Think you can draw it?”

“Definitely.”

Dirk handed him the dry erase marker for the little magnetic whiteboard they kept on the fridge for grocery lists.

Todd walked over to the board and drew out an imitation of the 3D shape.

“Hold on,” Dirk frowned looking at the shape. 

“What is it?” Todd looked back at him.

“That’s…” he muttered under his breath. “It looks like a 3D version of my symbol.”

“Symbol? What sy- OH SHIT YOUR TATTOO!” He knew it looked familiar.

“I don’t like where this is headed, Todd.”

Todd rubbed his back, “I know, baby, I know.”


	10. Just Because It's A Dream Doesn't Mean It Isn't Important

It didn’t go well. Not well at all. 

Following up on the board confirmed what they already knew, who was dead. The group with Cydney and Don were all missing peoples or people who weren’t missing and just drug dealers. The group of other people, well, they were most likely targets.

Telling Robyn wasn’t fun at all. 

They did not take it well. They thanked the agency for their help and paid them. 

But there was a glimmer of hope. 

Because despite what she had asked, Dirk and the gang weren’t going to stop following her. Who knows? Maybe this was against her will. The investigation continued and Robyn thanked them for their help.

It was nearing midnight and they were headed to the docs to see the illusive shipment. 

The plan was simple and very effective. 

“What is the plan exactly?” Farah asked.

“Yeah,” Todd added, “Why couldn’t we know until now?”

“Because it’s such a cool plan that I wanted to keep it a surprise,” Dirk said. “Plus Mona was nervous and she didn’t want people putting pressure on her. It was all her idea. Do you want to come out and explain it or do you want me to?” He asked the flower pot bobblehead on the dashboard. 

The flower pot bobblehead shook it’s petals “no”.

“Come on, Mona. I would appreciate it if my little sister would talk to my friends more.” 

She shook her petals “no” again.

“Please, Mona? We’ve been working on this. You’ve been at the agency for a year now and you only talk to me.”

Once again, she shook her petals “no”.

“You don’t even want them to acknowledge you, but then you get upset when you find out they didn’t actually notice you. It’s a problem. A cycle. If you keep insisting to yourself that you’re small then you’ll feel small.”

She didn’t move.

“Please, they like talking to you. And I don’t ask that you stay in human form all of the time… Just maybe talk to some people other than me sometimes?”

She remained stationary for a second, then shook her petals “yes”.

“Wonderful.”

She turned into a bug momentarily to move to the backseat to have enough room before turning human.

“Hi guys,” she waved shy-ly.

“Hey, Mona. Great to see you again.” Todd said with a warm smile.

“It’s great to have you around,” Farah added. “So what’s your genius plan?”

“I’m going to turn into a drone that has a camera and mic and then fly over where they are so you can stay in the car. It will be much easier and we won’t get caught. And if they see me I’ll just fly back or turn into something smaller that they can’t see if they get hostile.”

“Ok, that is a really good plan,” Todd said.

“Worth the wait?” Dirk asked with a playful smile.

“No.” Todd and Farah responded.

“Seriously, we need to know the plan ahead of time,” Farah said sternly.

“Well it’s almost midnight,” Mona said. “I’m going to turn into the drone now.”

And she turned into a drone that connected to Todd’s laptop so they could see and hear everything.

Dirk rolled down the window and they all wished her luck.

Mona soared over the stacks of crates and shipping blankets. Over the water and lamps. Indulging in the sounds of the water and the gulls under the moonlight before she saw it.

A sketchy-looking little trawler boat. Covered in peeling spots of rust under the white and obnoxious orange paint. 

The boat equivalent of a zombie. Like a boat out of a video game, you see it and immediately think to yourself two words, “oh no.”

It was a bit like the Rowdy 3 van in that way. Except not at all. 

Because the van, while hulkish, scary, off-putting, and utterly frightening… while it radiated a feeling of insecurity and danger… it still felt happy. The people who occupied the van, perfectly content with their lives and couldn’t imagine it any better.

The boat? It was all of those things. Except for one.

The people on the boat were sluggish, annoyed. Their lives and unvarying slog of the humdrum and inane. The only thing interesting about their lives was this one tiny boat that brought them so much trouble.

Another thing that separated the boat from the van? This boat was _extremely_ unimportant.

You heard me, this boat doesn’t matter.

This isn’t _the_ boat of the story.

It’s _a_ boat. But not _the_ boat. 

You won’t get to see _the_ boat for another nine chapters. 

Two men, one larger, brutish looking, the other small and haggard. They were moving two medium crates onto the dock while Cydney and Don approached.

Back in the car, they intently watched the footage and listened for their conversation.

Cydney walked ahead of Don and onto the boat. The image zoomed in as Mona got closer. 

“Got everything we ordered?” Cydney asked.

“Of course, wouldn’t be much sense in paying us if we didn’t.” The smaller man said.

“Let us see it then,” she ordered with a wave of her hand.

Mona gathered closer.

The larger man took a crowbar to the lid of one of the crates, peeling it off. Cydney and Don stood over it. She couldn’t get a good look.

“Beautiful,” Cydney said as she leaned back, thankfully Mona could now see. Un-thankfully, the shipment contained a rather large, probably, most likely, definitely, illegal gun.

She flipped it over in her hands, examining it in the light of Don’s phone’s flashlight. 

He himself picked up another gun, slightly smaller than the first. 

“Alright then, let’s see the other crate,” she ordered again.

The large man again took the crowbar to the lid of the crate, revealing some odd-looking gadgets. 

“So…” The smaller man said, “Why do you plan on stealing some crystal you could probably get something similar elsewhere?”

“Did he say crystal?” Todd asked as his eyes widened at the screen.

“It sounded an awful lot like ‘crystal’.” Dirk looked over at him with a typical awestruck face.

“What makes this one so important? It’s probably worth less than you paid us..”

“Well,” Cydney continued, “If I told you that I’d have to kill you. And I don’t feel like killing tonight. How ‘bout you Don?” She turned to him, “Feel like killing tonight?”

“Nope.” 

She stepped closer to the man slowly, “Not a very good business model, asking people you sell to in this line of work questions about their pursuits.” She was in his face now, noses touching, she seemed to like that form of intimidation a lot. “So I suggest you mind your own damn business, take the 5k, get back on your dingy ass boat, and scram!”

He gulped, “Yes, well then, good luck with your heist then.”

Cydney smiled devilishly and extended a hand. “Pleasure doing business with ‘ya.”

He took her hand in a firm shake with a nervous grin and furious nods before returning to his boat with the man and sailing off. 

He didn’t know it but his nosy business practices would one day be the demise of him. Specifically, he would be killed by a man a lot less kind than Cydney. Specifically, a man named George Bailey, a millionaire who ran a shady business under the guise of a family friendly candy business. Yes, that George Bailey of Bailey Candy. Fact of the matter is the world of sweets is very cutthroat, and George Bailey was the most cutthroat out of all of the throat cutters of the confectionery world. 

But never mind that. That is a story completely irrelevant to ours.

“Look at it, Don. Soon the map will be ours.”

_Map?_

“And we can finally return the sacred algae to Vaingol!” Don smiled. “Our mission will be complete.”

_Sacred algae?_ _Why does that sound so familiar_ , Dirk thought.

And they began returning their crates to their car.

Mona flew back to the group and turned into her human form. 

“Thank you, Mona!” Dirk said.

“Great work back there,” Farah added.

Todd just nodded.

“You’re welcome,” she smiled back. “Was it just me or was that very weird?”

“Definitely not just you,” Todd said.

“Sacred algae, I’ve heard that somewhere before,” Dirk pondered, brows furrowed. “I’m missing something. Something obvious, something so stupidly obvious and I can’t see it... “ He trailed off, mumbling to himself.

“Todd?” Farah asked.

“Hm?”

“You and Dirk said something about the crystal. What do you know about it?”

“Oh that, I had some sort of vision last night, or maybe a dream who knows.”

“A DREAM!” Dirk yelled with a snap and a single finger in the air.

“What?” Farah, Mona, and Todd all said.

“Oh, this is a very sexy coinky-dink. One of the rare ones.”

“Did you solve it?” Todd asked enthusiastically.

“And the crystal and the map and OH this is just too good!” He bounced and waved his hands a bit.

“What do you know, Dirk?” Farah asked.

“Although I’m not quite sure how Thor plays into this yet…” he mumbled.

“DIRK!” They all yelled and he snapped back to reality.

“ _Right!_ Ok, are you ready for this? I don’t think you’re ready because this is just too fantastic really. Like, who would have thought that some stupid dream would mean something?!” He laughed.

“Dream?” Todd asked.

“Yes dream! I had completely forgotten about it too. It was all jumbled up with the other dreams but this one I guess turned out to be important, I wonder if any of the other ones are important-”

“Dirk, just get to the point,” Mona said.

“Right! Ok. So… when I was in Blackwing, the first time, well not the first time I guess the second time? Right the second time. While you were in Bergsberg. Anyway, I had this very weird dream where you both,” he pointed at Todd and Farah, “came in with a gun and the electric crossbow to break me out and you said there was a new case. That you used a magic rock given to you by Thor to find me and we needed to get to the 'Lost City of Gold' to collect the sacred algae before it was too late. And then you wore the gorilla and giraffe masks and I woke up.”

“Definitely a weird dream,” said Todd.

“Yes! And I thought it wasn’t important. Well, look at that! Just because it’s a dream doesn’t mean it isn’t important!

“So how does it connect, other than the sacred algae bit?” 

“I am so glad you asked that Farah, that is a very good question. Well first let’s address the rock given to you by Thor. What’s a crystal technically? A rock. What would you call said rock if it _led_ you to me? You could say a _map_. I’m guessing the crystal Todd saw in his vision is the one that they’re heisting.”

“Oh my god,” Farah said.

“And I’m guessing that something very bad is going to happen if we don’t get to the sacred algae first.”

“Like what?” Todd asked.

“I’m not sure but let’s just say I know it will be very, _very_ , bad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I just do that? Yes, I did.


	11. Oh, This Is Just Stupid Now

Dirk and Todd walked into the agency at exactly 8:24 am, precisely 24 minutes late.

First, there was the pesky “getting out of bed” thing, then the pesky “walking Bean” thing, then the pesky “getting ready” thing, then the pesky “driving” thing… really it would make mornings a lot more convenient if they didn’t exist.

“Good morning, Farah,” Dirk waved with a cheery smile. 

“Morning guys,” Farah perked up from her desk. “I was looking more into this gala at the museum.”

Todd and Dirk walked over to her desk and leaned over her chair to get a better look at the screen in front of them.

“It’s tonight, invite-only. Museum closes at noon to get ready.”

“Anything on the crystal?” Todd asked.

“Nothing that I can see online. But there has to be something there right? I was hoping to maybe head over before they close, hopefully, it’s there.”

And then the little bell over the door rang.

“I want to help,” It was Robyn.

“Are you sure?” Todd asked, “Things can get-”

“Dangerous,” Dirk said.

“Frightening,” Farah added.

“Confusing,” said Dirk.

“There’s a lot of running,” Farah pointed out.

“A _lot_ of running,” Dirk rolled his eyes.

“I was going to say weird, but yes. All of those things.”

“Not to mention we’re about to do something really illegal,” Dirk said.

“Illegal?”

“Fancy getting put on a wanted list? If they catch us of course.”

“We’re going to heist a museum,” Todd explained, “Are you up to it?” 

“I guess so.”

“You have to be absolutely sure. Are you sure?” Farah asked. 

“Yes,” they said. “I’m sure. I was just thinking to myself, ‘they saw her twice and I wasn’t there’. What if they see her again and I’m not there? What if I can convince her? So… here I am. Ready to help.”

“Assist,” Dirk corrected.

“Yes,” Robyn said slowly, “That’s what help means.”

“He calls us his assis-friends,” Todd explained and Robyn nodded in understanding.

“Assis- _boyfriend_ Todd. Just Farah is the assis-friend.” 

Dirk liked to remind everyone as often as he could that he and Todd were a thing. It was like a little reality check for him. Reminding himself, “Hey, you did it! You found something good in life.” Not that Farah, or Mona, or the agency and now Bean weren’t good… he didn’t mean that. He means to say that Todd is the best thing that ever happened to him. And every little moment he gets to make that clear to himself and everyone else was a welcome one.

And while Todd found it slightly annoying, like everything about Dirk, he also found it unbearably cute, also like everything about Dirk.

“Right, assis- _boyfriend_ ,” Todd pointed at himself then to Farah. “Assis-friend. And now I guess also assis-friend,” he pointed at Robyn.

“Assis-friend,” they smiled fondly.

“So how can you be of assistance, new assis-friend?” Dirk asked with a playful smirk.

“Not to toot my own horn or anything-”

Dirk needlessly interrupted, “Toot away.”

Robyn laughed, “I guess I’m sort of a tech genius. Do you think that could help?”

“Well, let’s see,” Dirk said. “We were just about to pop over to the art museum, not to steal anything, yet... We’ll explain on the way.”

And explain they did.

* * *

It was a slow day at the museum. Great. Not a lot of talking they can do in public.

They stood in the tall dome room, the sunlight shining in through the glass sunroof onto the rich marbled surroundings. Farah took a map from the stand that sat by the door they had just entered.

“I say we head to the Greek exhibit first,” she said, unfolding and repositioning the map. “There has to be something important about Greece if it keeps appearing.”

“Makes sense,” Todd nodded.

Dirk took the map from Farah in one swift motion. 

“Hey!”

He looked over it for a moment with a quizzical expression and pointed directly in front of them. “This way!” He pulled Todd along forcefully.

Robyn looked over at Farah as they waked briskly behind them, struggling to keep up.

“Is he always like this?” They asked.

Todd even turned his head over his shoulder to answer along with Farah, “Yes.”

They simply smiled, “I could get used to this.”

“Well you better,” Farah said before jogging up to Dirk, “Are you sure you’re going the right way?”

Dirk stopped in his tracks and looked around, ever so slightly offended.

They stood in a white room with a birch floor. Scattered about were bits of sheet metal, large wire tumbleweeds, I-beams, tires, fishnets, and a single metal garbage can sat in the center. Empty, tipped over, bolted to the floor.

“Usually the modern art is in a completely separate direction from cultural exhibits,” Farah explained.

“I’m following the map,” Dirk said. “How can we be going the wrong way?”

Farah took the map from his hands.

“Hey!”

She silently smirked at him before looking over the map. Just as she had expected.

“Yep. Wrong way.”

“What if it _is_ this way and the universe led me here?”

“Doubt it,” She spun on her heels before pointing the way they came. “This way.”

It made sense to completely ignore the modern art and fine art wings and go straight for the cultural exhibits. A crystal was most certainly not a new thing created and it isn’t exactly paint on a canvas.

They made their way through the exhibits about different cultures in Africa, and Asia, some bits on the Americas, keeping their eyes peeled for a blue crystal along the way. 

If this were just any other day then they surely would have stopped to smell the roses so to speak, except there weren’t any roses, this was an art museum. But this wasn’t any other day and there was no time. They were here for one thing and one thing only. The crystal from Todd’s vision.

“Why would a crystal even be in an art museum, though?” Robyn asked as they passed through a darker carpeted room filled with stunning, colorful, and ornately painted vases, pots, and dishes originating from China. “Wouldn’t that be more of a natural history thing?”

“Not sure,” Todd responded, admiring an absolutely gorgeous bowl painted around the 18th century. “But it was carved, I guess that makes it art.”

They continued, twisting and turning through the rooms, following Farah’s lead.

“Greek, here we are,” she said.

They walked into a white room with a large window. Plain white square pillars with busts were scattered about. Behind glass boxes along the wall were pieces of carved scenes depicting myths or the Olympics. Cases full of jewelry and coins sat in the back. And on the other sides were various clay vases and shattered pieces of them. 

In the plain, almost monochromatic room, mainly white, various shades of brown and grey mixed in, it was easy to spot the crystal.

Todd ran up to it. It sat on a display pillar with glass surrounding it.

It was just like his vision. Now he was able to make out those smaller details he couldn’t before. Dirk was right, it did look exactly like his symbol because one thing he missed was the gold circles in the center of each four sides. And on each one a symbol sat, reminiscent of the ones back on the whiteboard in the warehouse. Along the protruding center line, there were distinctly carved Grecian swirls. 

Inside the case with it, there was a plaque. It read;

**_The Icarus Crystal_ **

_The Icarus Crystal has been passed down through many generations. Skipping through families as a war treaty, or a marriage dowry in some cases. At one point it was believed to be in possession of the Greek philosopher Plato, whether it is true or not is unknown. The azurite stone is believed to have been carved in his time._

_Decades have been dedicated to deciphering the symbols on the crystal’s stone’s gold heart. Efforts have only proved futile._

_Legend tells it will one day find it’s home with the one true Icarus, hence its name._

“Oh, this is just stupid now,” Dirk sighed shaking his head.

“You ok?” Todd asked as he leaned his head on Dirk’s shoulder, rubbing his back.

“At this point, I honestly don’t know,” he said, staring into the blue crystal that was apparently his with an expressionless face. “Seem’s typical of my life.”

“At least we don’t have to worry about them anymore.” Todd lifted his head and squeezed Dirk’s hand.

“Don’t jinx it,” Dirk teased. He knew they weren’t coming back but still that fear lived deep inside him.

“It’s gonna be ok,” Todd turned to face him. “They’re not going to get you. Not as long as I’m here.”

“Promise?”

Todd reached his arms around Dirk’s neck and smiled fondly. “Promise.” He gave him a short kiss before pulling him into a comforting hug, nuzzling his face into his shoulder.

Farah loudly cleared her throat and the two of them broke apart, turning to see her very close to them. 

She whispered lowly, “So… how are we going to steal this thing?”

Robyn stepped closer to the case and crouched down, so close that their breath fogged the glass. Their emerald eyes darted all around the case, then down to the floor, they shot up and glanced around the room. Taking note of where the cameras were.

“This isn’t going to be easy,” they mumbled before pulling out their phone and snapping a few pictures of the crystal.

“Got any ideas?” Farah asked.

“A few,” they nodded, turning to her. “Not going to be easy and I doubt we’ll make it out unseen.”

“Great…” Todd said.

“I really do not want to be wanted again,” Farah sighed.

“We can’t talk about it here,” Robyn said. “It will look bad if we come here, only look at this, and it gets stolen later.”

“Have you…” Dirk tilted his head, “Done this before?”

“Oh no, definitely not!” They laughed. “I just really like heist movies… and the tech knowledge helps. We need to avoid suspicion though, so let’s just enjoy the rest of the day here before they close.”

“Fun!” Dirk smiled, “Do they have any Van Gogh? I love Van Gogh. Have you seen the episode of Doctor Who with Van Gogh?” He asked Todd as they started walking. “One of my favorites.”

“You and that show…”

“If you’re going to make me watch all of that stupid movie series with your tiny look-alike then the least you can do is learn to appreciate a masterpiece central to British culture.”

“Hey! Lord of The Rings is not stupid. You’re going to like it. You said the same thing about my music and now you love it.”

“Well, then you have to watch it.”

Farah rolled her eyes from behind them, “Would you two stop it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know in the comic con intro he doesn't know anything about Doctor Who but is that going to stop me? No.
> 
> Also, the modern art piece I described is an actual piece in an art museum I saw when I was little. I remember thinking it was ridiculous so of course, tiny me committed it to my memory. Now I always default to that probably misremembered picture in my head whenever I need to write a generic modern art sculpture description for my writing... I'm weird ok?


	12. Suit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the inconvenience... (I doubt that that is a reference that any of you will understand because a certain voice has to accompany it for it to make sense but regardless... it's funny in my head) But I did the number one sin of writing. Not thoroughly researching.  
> The Icarus crystal was supposed to be made of "larimar", a blue crystal sometimes called... well, if I said that... let's just say "spoilers, sweetie." I took one look at it and was like "That's the crystal it will be made of." However, this was a big mistake as larimar was only discovered in 1974, which is much sooner than the crystal was supposed to be created. So I switched the crystal out with Azurite, it looks very different from the original description (I will be going back to change it) but its new look fits the vibe of the reason I chose larimar in the first place so it works.  
> So yeah, sorry about that.  
> The Icarus Crystal is made of Azurite, not Larimar.

They left the museum shortly before it closed and headed back to the agency.

“Do you have a plan?” Dirk asked Robyn the second they all walked in.

“Yes,” they said simply.

“Mind sharing?” Todd said, rolling his eyes.

“At first I thought that we would have to steal it directly from the case. A very hard feat indeed. I would much prefer to do something like _National Treasure_ and have it sent back to a separate room with less security, but then I remembered, it’s a crystal. It isn’t finicky like paper or fabric. It doesn’t need temperature or heat regulation… but I was wrong.”

“What do you mean?” Farah asked.

Robyn pulled out their phone and walked over to Farah’s computer, plugging it in to pull up the photos they took.

“See here?” They zoomed in and pointed at the small grill on the back of the white box. “And here?” They switched to a close up of inside the case to reveal a small grill inside, almost hidden underneath the crystal, but not quite. “Vents.”

They switched to another photo of the outside of the box. 

“And these decorative metal caps on the corners of the glass, they aren’t decorative.”

“Oh my god,” Farah leaned over the chair and zoomed in to look under the caps on the inside. “You’re right.”

“Heat sensors,” They smirked.

“So while we were in the car,” They continued, swiveling the chair around to face the rest of the group. “I looked up the crystal the plaque said it was. Azurite.”

They swiveled back around and typed into the computer “Azurite properties” and pulled up a website.

“Azurite is unstable. It often pseudomorphs to malachite when in larger quantities. That’s the green bit. And it’s easily carved. It’s brittle. Around 3.5 on the Mohs scale. And along with the brittleness it is also very… wait for it… heat sensitive. It cracks.”

“Good work, Robyn!” Farah said with a pat on the shoulder. Robyn grinned.

“That’s why it has the heat sensors. In case the lights in the case overheat!” They turned back around again. “We can definitely _National Treasure_ this.”

Dirk grinned, “This is your first, official, ‘excellent assisting.’ You are now a proper assis-friend.” 

“Ok, first thing’s first,” Robyn turned back around. “We need to get you all a spot on the list for the gala tonight.”

“Can you do that?” Farah asked.

“Yes. Is your computer jailbroken?”

“Of course,” Farah responded.

“Thank God, that makes my life a whole lot easier.”

They pulled up a screen with a lot of letters and numbers that none of them understood. None of them except for Robyn.

They typed a few words into the computer and hit the enter button dramatically.

“There you are, off the grid. Now we can get crackin’.”

Robyn pulled up the browser and within a few minutes, they had access to the museum’s database. And more importantly, guest list for the gala.

“Wait-” Dirk said abruptly and gave a cheeky smirk. “We should go undercover.”

“Good thinking,” Farah said.

“Oh, I’ve always wanted to go undercover, this will be so fun!” He beamed. “ _I’ve got it!_ ” He took a step back for dramatic emphasis and placed a hand on his chest, “I’ll be Rodney Bennet-Baxter, art historian. My specialty? Nordic cultures.”

“Who will I be?” Todd asked. Normally he would come up with his own alias and backstory but Dirk seemed to be enjoying this.

Dirk took no time to respond. He had a coy little smile.

“Dr. James Bennet-Baxter, my-”

_Same last name? Not too subtle, Dirk._ “Let me guess, husband?” Todd responded with a slight upturn of one corner of his mouth and a small huff of a laugh.

Dirk frowned, “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Absolutely not,” he smiled widely. 

Poor choice of words because despite his happy grin, Dirk looked completely, utterly heartbroken. Todd realized this instantly and waved his arms frantically.

“ _No-no-NO!_ Fuck, I’m bad at words. I meant I absolutely do _NOT_ mind.”

Dirk sighed in relief and smiled.

“Ok good, you sure?”

“Did you not see the immediate smile?” He scoffed, softly gripping the lapels of his lavender leather jacket.

“I thought maybe you were holding back laughter or something.”

“Shut up, I love you,” he pulled him down to meet in a sweet kiss.

Farah and Robyn rolled their eyes. 

After a few seconds to see if they were going to stop, it became clear that they weren’t.

“So… who am I going to be?” Farah asked and they both looked over at her.

“Right,” Dirk fought himself to pull away from Todd. “You can be… um… Zoey Wilson, veteran.”

“That works.” She nodded.

“And you’re all in!” Robyn said and turned around, “So… here’s the plan.”

* * *

“Let me see, let me see!” Dirk clapped outside of the dressing room.

Todd didn’t own a single suit. He didn’t _do_ suits. He didn’t _do_ a lot of things but on that long list, this was one of the top things. Number 4; _No suits._

But like everything else on that list of things he doesn’t _do_ , he would forget the list existed for Dirk.

Todd grunted in frustration.

“Oh sod it, I’m coming in… can I come in?”

“Yes of course you can come in.” Todd chuckled.

Dirk pulled back the curtain. He was absolutely enchanted.

It wasn’t really anything special. It was just a standard black suit. Nothing abnormal about it. A standard black pair of dress pants and a blazer, a white button-down underneath. The top button was undone, Todd’s way of making it slightly more casual. So no, nothing especially special about it.

But Dirk couldn’t help but think how magical it was on someone so special. 

Todd fiddled with the well-fitting cuffs.

Dirk smiled tenderly and stepped forward.

“You look simply magnificent, darling,” he practically breathed as he smoothed out the lapels that didn’t need any smoothing.

“You think?” Todd bit his lip.

“Absolutely magnificent,” he assured him.

“You really think so?” He turned to the mirror and Dirk stood behind him while he shook out the arms. “Because I don’t like suits, I’ve always thought I look silly in them.”

“You don’t look silly,” he furrowed his brows. “You just hadn’t found the right one yet.”

“You think this is the right one?” He made eye-contact through the mirror.

“It could do with a few adjustments in the future,” He pinched in the sides of the blazer slightly. “Not that we have the time for that now, but yes. I think this is the right one.”

“You’re just saying that. I look silly,” He flung his arms up.

“You don’t look silly,” he rested his head on Todd’s shoulder and hugged him. “You look amazing. I love it.”

“You sure?”

“Would you stop saying, ‘you sure’? And just take a damn compliment?” Dirk stood up.

Todd simply laughed.

“Ok, fine,” he rolled his eyes and turned around to face Dirk. “I guess I look alright.”

“You look more than alright, you look gorgeous,” He wrapped his arms behind his neck.

“I think I’ve had my compliment quota filled for the day, thank you. That will be all.”

“Fine.” Dirk laughed. “I’m only stopping because you said so. But just know, I think you are perfect.”

“Seriously dude, that’s so unfair.”

“I don’t think so,” He kissed the tip of his nose.

“Oh, shut up.”

And he made sure Dirk would take his words seriously by immobilizing his lips with his.


	13. Double Double Toil And Trouble

To say that they were all nervous was an understatement.

Sure they had done illegal stuff in the past. Breaking and entering, many times, too many to count, having technically illegal/non-illegal weapons, killing people, although it was self-defense, in the real meaning of the word… but the point was they did nothing like this before. They actually might be put on a wanted list for a good reason this time. 

So yeah, they were nervous. 

Lines of elegantly dressed people formed outside the museum, and it became clear that this was going to be harder than they expected.

The bubbling bog of anxiety hung low in their stomachs, brewing like a witch’s cauldron. _Double double toil and trouble_ , The universe chanted in Dirk’s head. Over and over again. _Trouble_ echoing the loudest out of all of them. Something bad was coming. And he didn’t know what. God, he never knew what. 

“Ok, remember the plan?” Robyn asked from the driver’s seat of Farah’s car. Todd’s laptop in their lap opened to the freshly hacked security footage.

They all nodded.

“Ok, then you know what to do. Get in, get out. I’ll guide you with the earpieces. Now, try not to get arrested.”

They all laughed nervously as they departed from the car. The cold evening air nipping their skin. Farah’s much more than the others as she was dressed in a frankly scratchy slimming royal purple shimmering dress with off the shoulder straps and a slit up the leg. She looked gorgeous though. 

They walked in separately, less suspicious that way.

Dirk and Todd walked with their elbows linked, as it seemed to be what all of the other classy couples did. 

But that bubbling bog hadn’t left his stomach. 

The gas from the swamp of fear rising and taking over his body, _Double Double Toil and Trouble._ Angry swamp vines grew from his stomach and curled around his lungs, squeezing the air out of them. _Toil and Trouble_. The world was green, little specks popped in his vision like marshy mud bubbles. _Trouble_. 

_Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble._

_Watch out Dirk Gently. Pay attention. Double Double Toil and Trouble. Keep an eye out. Pay attention. Be ready to RUN. Trouble’s afoot. Double Double Toil and Trouble._

As they ascended the steps into the museum Todd noticed his arm shaking and looked over to see Dirk flapping his hands.

“It’s gonna be ok,” he leaned over and whispered. “We can do this.”

They stopped walking and Todd unlinked his arm from Dirk’s to turn to him.

“Take a deep breath with me,” he said.

“ _Mmhmm,”_ he gulped.

Todd hated that he had to stop Dirk, it shouldn’t be a problem. But right now it would be a bit of a giveaway that he was nervous. The look on his face didn’t help. 

They took a few breaths, in for four, hold for four, out for seven. And despite their distance, it was as if they were one. A little golden thread attached their hearts, matching each other's rhythm and pace. Bringing Dirk back down to Earth. But just because he was back on Earth didn’t mean he was ok.

The warm lights all around from streetlamps reflected in Todd’s gorgeous eyes. _He’s so perfect_ , Dirk thought. And he looked up above his head for a second, it was funny. He almost laughed actually. For the moon was full and abnormally large tonight and it hovered over Todd’s head like an angel’s halo. _How fitting,_ he thought, despite the fact that Todd called _him_ "angel" in times of desperation. His Todd was still an angel. An angel who would always be there for him. How he loved his angel.

“Better?”

“A little, not really,” but he wouldn’t lie.

“Well you’re lucky I didn’t let you forget your cube,” he smiled.

“My cube? What... _oh_ my _cube_. I FORGOT MY CUBE!”

“Didn’t you hear me? I said you didn’t,” Todd laughed and reached into his pocket to pull out the white and yellow fidget cube. “It’s right here.”

“Wait,” he was a little angry admittedly. “Why didn’t you give me it before?”

“I only just remembered I had it,” slightly defensive. “We were walking out the door and you were busy petting Bean and I saw it. And before I handed it to you, you said something and I forgot to give it to you.” 

Todd handed him the cube which dirk immediately put in his pocket.

Dirk simply smiled and kissed his cheek. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

“What you did? What did _I_ do to deserve _you_?”

“Stop it, Todd.”

“Well, then you stop it.”

“It’s an _expression_ . And you and I both know that you meant it literally so _you_ stop it.”

Todd laughed under his breath, shaking his head as he turned forward and linked his elbow back with Dirk’s before they walked into the museum.

“Names?” A woman at the door asked.

“James and Rodney Bennet-Baxter,” Todd said, only after almost saying their real names. 

The woman scrolled through the tablet before looking up and smiling, “All set. Just head through security and have a great night.”

They made their way through security without a hitch thank goodness and started towards the Greek exhibit.

That is before they heard a man behind them say, “Excuse me?”

Dirk and Todd turned around to see two men smiling at them.

“Sorry if we’re interrupting,” one man said. “You seemed like you have places to be-” 

“Oh no, you’re fine,” Dirk said with a wave of his hand.

Todd shot Dirk a look. _You’re not fine. We do, in fact, have places to be. So thank you, have a nice night, you bougie-ass first-class bootlickers._

“Oh good,” the man said. “We just _had_ to say, love the suit.”

Of course, Dirk’s flashy fashion choices extended to his suits. Right now he was wearing a pumpkin-colored matching coat and vest set with a white shirt and slim-fitting white pants. Todd had said that it would make him stand out where they needed to blend in but Dirk insisted on wearing it. He didn’t have enough excuses to wear it. 

And now here they were, sticking out like a sore thumb.

“Thank you!” He turned to Todd, “I told you the suit was a good idea.”

“What- no, this is exactly the scenario I was trying to avoid when I told you it was a bad idea.”

A waiter walked by with a tray of champagne glasses, they each grabbed one and Todd gulped his down very quickly. Dirk seemed a little disgusted that he didn’t take the time to enjoy this delicious gift they were given. _One does not simply_ down, _bubbly, Todd,_ he said with a glance.

Todd playfully flipped him off with his eyes, _Fuck you, I do what I want._ Before adding, _I love you though._

“What scenario?” The other man asked.

Todd panicked for a moment, _First, we get noticed, now we’re blowing our cover._

“Scenario, what scenario-oh that’s what you just said…” Todd mentally face-palmed. Dirk wasn’t the only nervous rambler.

And Todd wasn’t the only person who could save their boyfriend when he began awkwardly rambling. Dirk Gently to the rescue.

Dirk made a ‘shocked’ face of ‘realization’, “You knew I looked good-”

Todd chuckled. He did look good though, he was right about a properly fitted suit. Dirk had to be the only person he’s ever met who looked good in any color. But especially yellow, not necessarily because it complimented him more than any other color, but because it was his favorite. And he always seemed brighter in it.

“You just didn’t want other men flirting with your husband,” Dirk continued.

_Maybe Dirk just wants to wave our personas in front of everyone else,_ Todd thought. Because tonight Todd was not only his boyfriend, no, he was his husband. 

Todd shrunk a little at Dirk’s teasing. But he began to realize he didn’t mind if other people thought Dirk was his husband. The thought of him not minding was terrifying. Maybe they should? No… sure it's fun to pretend but actually being married is different. Is it though? It wasn’t really different, was it? 

“No,” the man who complimented Dirk scoffed, “I wasn’t- no, he’d slap me if I was flirting with you.”

“Damn right I would,” the other man laughed. Dirk joined their laughter and Todd followed nervously. 

_How is he so good at socializing?_

“So how did you two meet?” One man asked.

The exact same flash of memories played through Todd and Dirk’s minds.

Dirk climbing through his window, Dirk karate chopping the air, Todd bitch-slapping him. Then them driving down the road like Mario Kart, them back to back in the death maze, them digging for the machine, Todd saying those glorious words in the forest. Then all the awkwardness that ensued in the eight months of nothing and the slideshow finally ended with Todd kissing Dirk in front of the agency four months ago. 

They both laughed nervously.

Dirk’s hand dove for his pocket with the cube. 

“Funny story actually. You want to tell them?” Dirk asked Todd, they both full well knew the truth was a bit much. 

“No, you tell them,” Todd said, unable to think of anything. And Dirk seemed like he would be better at extravagant imaginary scenarios. 

_Right, I can do this. Just elaborately make up an elaborate story on how we elaborately met. Simple. Not simple._ Very _not simple. The_ OPPOSITE _of simple._

Think. He’s an art historian, Todd is a doctor. Medical doctor? Has a doctorate? He didn’t think that through. It was a medical doctor at first but let’s say he was a professor. Yes, that’s good.

“Well, James is a professor. He teaches music theory. I came to his college to give a guest lecture on art history. We bumped into each other in the hall. It was a lot like a scene out of a rom-com actually,” Dirk chuckled, Todd nearly snorted. Of course, Dirk would think up a scenario like this. “Papers flying everywhere, awkward scrambling to help each other pick things up, I touched his hand and we slowly moved our heads up and looked into each other's eyes. It was like looking into an ocean of love, his eyes,” Not a lie. Not even close. The moment Dirk saw Todd for the first time in the hotel and he looked at him he knew he was falling, even if he didn’t know at the time. But looking back on it all he can remember are those eyes and how lovely they were in that moment. And looking back on it he should have realized where he would end up in a year’s time. “And the rest was history.”

“That’s adorable,” one of the men said.

“Yes, all adorable,” Todd said, fighting back the redness in his cheeks. “D-er-, Dear,” _Saved it._ Dirk smiled at the other new use of endearment that Todd ‘didn’t’ do. “As much as I’d love to stay and chat with these guys, we’ve got to get back to Zoey.”

But ‘Zoey’ was already there.

“Jesus, guys,” Farah said, walking up from behind the men. “I’ve been looking all over for you. We’ve got _places_ to be.”

“Oh, yes,” one of the men said. “Sorry to interrupt. It was nice talking to you.”

“Yes,” the other said. “Hope you have a wonderful time.”

“It was nice meeting you!” Dirk waved with his champagne free hand as they walked off. 

“Stop getting distracted,” Farah scolded them, “Robyn said in and out. Also, no drinking, Dirk. We need the universe in your head.”

“Oh come on, it’s just one,” Dirk whined as he took another sip, the sweet acidic prick of bubbles dancing on his tongue. “The universe doesn’t back down from one drink. Bubbly, Farah, _bubbly._ ”

Farah rolled her eyes and they made their way towards the Greek exhibit. 

Dirk reached into his pocket to pull out his fidget cube, the nerves that were quelled from talking to the kind men resurfacing as the time to take the crystal grew nearer and nearer.


	14. The Heist

If there is one thing you know it is that all good epic-action-plans are in three phases. And they all liked the idea of this being an epic-action-plan. So the heist would be done in three phases. And this time it actually fit into three phases without a skin-tag of a half phase and plans a and b… So this might be their best epic-action-plan yet. Three phases, let’s walk through them, shall we?

* * *

Phase One:

Dirk, Todd, and Farah walked into the Greek exhibit room. Filled with people scanning over the jewelry and statues and pots.

Dirk gulped looking at the dark blue crystal with a name that mocked him. 

“Replacing the camera footage with a recording from a few minutes ago… now,” Robyn said through the earpiece. “Ok, you can bring out Mona now.”

Farah reached into her purse and pulled out Lego-minifigure-version-of-Mona, Mona. 

“Ready?” She said. 

Mona turned into a small heated laser in Farah’s hands. 

From the other side of the room, she aimed her to the small sensors under the metal corner caps until a small red lightbulb by the plaque started flashing. Farah gave Mona a thumbs up before she turned into a tiny drone that resembled a three-inch tall claw machine claw with a propeller attached at the top.

A curator came in very quickly and explained the situation that none of the guests were aware of.

“Can I have everyone’s attention?” the curator said as two people in uniform with gloves came in. “The Icarus Crystal is being removed from display for tonight, the lightbulb in the case seems to have overheated. We will fix the case as soon as possible but for now, enjoy the rest of your night. Thank you.” 

It was all going perfectly to plan.

The crowd resumed chatting.

Dirk, Todd, and Farah watched as the crystal was carefully removed from its case. Mona flew into one of the uniformed person’s pockets, pulled out their keycard, and flew to the ground before turning into a mouse and then carried it back to the group. Dirk pet the mouse Mona affectionately as a thanks for a job well done. It was hard being a three-inch tall drone and not getting noticed, so hats off to her. 

The crystal was carried away. The light in the display turned off and a small paper sign was taped onto the glass; _Currently under restoration._

Farah held her hand to her ear to activate the earpiece’s microphone. 

“Ok, the crystal is being moved. You can turn the cameras on again.”

“Great work,” Robyn said. “This is going very well. I’ll let you know when the crystal is in position and we can begin phase two.”

* * *

Phase two:

“Ok,” Robyn said. “The crystal is in the back. Did Mona get the keycard?”

“Yep!” Farah said.

“Alright, let’s get going then, replacing the footage now.”

They headed towards the back following a map Robyn sent them. 

The closer and closer they got the fewer people were around and to their surprise when they saw the door that stood between them and the crystal, no guards were to be seen. This place was practically begging for a robbery.

Farah pulled out the keycard from her purse and opened the door. 

This is too easy. 

And that’s when Dirk felt that bubbling in his stomach again. He didn’t like this one bit. The universe resumed the chanting in his head. _Double Double Toil and Trouble,_ reminding him of the trouble afoot. What trouble? He doesn’t know, he never knew. Seriously the universe couldn’t help him out a bit ever? It’s not too much to ask.

It was a dark room. Much like a warehouse. Shelves with crates most likely housing small sculptures. Racks of paintings. All over the place. Larger statues were mixed in. And then, in a box filled with shredded packing paper on a shelf close to the front, sat The Icarus Crystal.

They looked around for any sign of guards but none were in sight. _Too easy._

“Robyn?” Farah held her finger to her ear, “Is there any extra security in here? Like motion-triggered alarms? Or lasers?”

“Uh…” they checked. “Nope. You should be good to go.”

Dirk slowly walked forward. Nothing happened. Further, closer to the crystal. Nothing happened. He reached out and waved his arm around the crystal. Nothing happened.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and reached out for the crystal. Nothing happened. 

He picked up the crystal.

Something happened.

Not an alarm or anything, no, at least not an alarm they were expecting.

Because when Dirk held the deep blue, green, and gold crystal in his two hands, it hummed. A low whirring hum, a buzz of content. Thinking about it, it sounded exactly like a singing bowl to the pitch of A2.

And if that wasn’t enough weird things to happen with the crystal, the carved spirals began to glow a bright blue.

It had found it’s Icarus.

“I hate this,” Dirk mumbled with a look of disgusted defeat.

“We’ve got the crystal,” Todd said into his earpiece. 

“Don’t celebrate just yet,” Robyn said. “Time for phase three.”

* * *

Phase three:

Dirk began walking the glowing crystal back to Farah when the lights turned on.

“What’s happening?!” Todd panicked.

“I knew something was going to happen!” Dirk joined his panic.

“Robyn?” Farah almost yelled, “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know!” They responded, just as panicked. “I don’t see anyone on my live feed. You should be fine!”

And then they heard a voice. 

A familiar voice. 

An all too familiar voice. 

And oh, if they weren’t panicking before they were _definitely_ panicking now. 

“I thought I said not to follow me, pretty boy…”

Cydney and Don.

“I don’t like it when people break promises.”

Dirk handed off the crystal to Farah, it stopped glowing and she put it in her purse, careful not to squish Mona, still in mouse form. She bent over to take off her heels, fully anticipating what they would most likely have to do next. 

“Thanks for doing the hard stuff for me, by the way.” She approached slowly with a small handgun pointed at them.

“RUN!” Dirk yelled and they started towards the door.

“Be nice and give me the crystal before I have to kill you!” She began running after them, Don followed closely with a sniper rifle. Fuck. This was bad. Very very bad.

_Double Double Toil and Trouble._

They ran off into the rest of the museum. Narrowly missing Cydney and Don’s gunshots.

And at the first shot, an alarm went off, and screaming could be heard outside. 

Red lights and loud buzzing made it almost impossible to hear what each other was saying, thank God for the earpieces.

“WHAT’S HAPPENING?” Robyn yelled.

“Start the car!” Farah commanded.

“A WHOLE BUNCH OF ALARMS STARTED GOING OFF WHAT DID YOU DO?” Robyn continued their frenzy.

“Cydney!” Todd explained, “And she’s shooting at us!”

“WHAT?!”

“JUST START THE CAR!” Farah said again.

Running, running, running, they did not expect to have to run for their lives tonight. 

Always running. Lots of it. Why was it always running?

The panic around them made it hard to escape through the screaming crowd. People were funny like that. They couldn’t choose a SINGLE GODDAMN DIRECTION TO RUN FOR THEIR LIVES IN!

And because Cydney and Don were shooting at them as they squeezed past the crowd like at a concert, shots were inevitably fired at innocent people. 

And this did not help Dirk’s spiral.

_Lots of lovely people. Very dead._

Blood of the party-goers shot near him stained his suit. A reminder of his guilt.

And it didn’t help when the nice couple from earlier ran up to Dirk and Todd.

“James? Rodney? Do either of you know what the fuck is happening?” One man said.

“Get away from me!” Dirk cried, “Get away!”

But it was too late, Dom had shot one of the men, and he dropped to the ground.

“MICAH!” The other man screamed and fell to the ground after him. Not in grief, no, because Don also shot him.

_Two very lovely people. Very much dead._

“No-no-no-no,” Dirk began.

Todd grabbed his hand and forced him to run with them, his voice tearful, “I need you alive, Dirk.”

“No-no-no-no-no-no,” he sobbed.

Finally, they made their way out of the terror in the museum. But the terror of Cydney and Don behind them followed as they opened the doors to Farah's car. Bullets denting the body and narrowly missing the glass as Robyn took off. 

Dirk knew something bad was going to happen.

This was all his fault.

How?

He wasn’t sure exactly, he just knew it was.

_Double Double Toil and Trouble._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I have to do that? No. Did I? Yes. Why? Whump.


	15. The Chase

“That was Cydney?!” Robyn asked frantically as they sped down the road.

“Just keep going!” Farah yelled.

“This is all my fault…” Dirk rocked back and forth in his seat in the back.

A red light stopped the cars in front of them.

_“Turn-turn-turn-turn,”_ Robyn muttered to themselves.

Their sweaty palms gripping the wheel shifted suddenly, turning the car to the left onto 2nd Ave., sending them all flying to the side.

Multiple car horns faded into the background.

They glanced up to the rear-view mirror and saw Don hanging out of the passenger’s window with a gun, admittedly looking like he had just been tossed around, however.

“How is this your fault, Dirk?” Todd took his hand and turned to him.

Another red light! Union St.!

Farah clutched the dash and car door.

“Hang on!” Farah and Robyn shouted in unison.

A sharp left turn sent Dirk barreling into Todd.

As the car steadied itself into position Dirk flew back into the door on his side, Todd attempted to slow him down so his head wouldn’t hit the window.

Forgive them for not wearing seatbelts up until this point. It’s hard to think rationally in a car chase. But now they all realized that maybe they were a good idea...

“Everywhere I go, people die!” He cried as he fumbled with his seatbelt, gesturing for Todd to do the same. He looked at him in confusion before rationality struck.

“Hey!” Robyn yelled from the front. “I know this is hard for you right now but I need to concentrate on not getting us KILLED-” 

The last part came out a disgruntled shriek as they swerved around a drunk man jaywalking.

Robyn saw an alley ahead, hoping they could lose Cydney and Don, they turned right into it. Not hopeful.

And they were right, they followed closely behind.

* * *

Cydney chased after them with full speed.

Don sat in the passenger’s seat with the window rolled down, his head sticking out the side like a dog as he gripped tight to his sniper rifle.

“GET BACK IN THE CAR, DON!” Cydney yelled, tugging on his shirt.

Don squinted through the rifle’s viewfinder, lining up the cross to Dirk’s head in the back window.

“I’ve got a shot,” he said.

“What? No!”

She turned left with Farah’s car, narrowly making it in time to follow them.

With the turn, Don lost his shot.

“Damn it, Cydney!”

“We aren’t trying to kill them.”

“But you said-”

“I KNOW WHAT I SAID, I CHANGED MY MIND!”

They turned left with them again.

They were silent for a second. Cydney focusing on the car in front of them.

“I’ve got a shot.”

“Donovan,” she said slowly, “If we try and kill them then the crystal is at stake.”

“But if we don’t shoot then they get the crystal!”

“We can follow them,” she argued.

“Or we could just take it,” he argued back.

They swerved around a man on the road. Don lost his shot again.

Farah’s car darted into an alley.

_Oh, you’re not getting away that easily._

She pursed her lips, tightened her grip on the steering wheel, and leaned back into her seat as she stepped on the gas with a mad force. She smiled, shaking her head as the engine roared.

“I’ve got a shot.”

“Do _not_ take the shot,” she said annoyed.

“Confirmed, I’m taking the shot.”

“Do _not_ take the shot, Donovan, THAT’S AN ORDER!”

“I’m taking the shot.”

“Do NOT take the shot!”

“I’m taking the shot!”

And he took the shot. 

* * *

The loud bang echoed through their ears and was quickly followed by the shattering of the rear windshield. 

Robyn screamed out a swear at the impact and swerved hitting a dumpster with a loud _CLANG!_

Glass flew everywhere in the back like a splitting BB bullet, a few small pieces lodged themselves into Dirk and Todd’s faces.

The real bullet just barely missed Dirk’s head.

“What the fuck?!” He exclaimed.

“Hand me my gun,” Farah commanded from the passenger's seat.

They zoomed through the alley, ignoring the shouts of the people walking on the sidewalk at the end. Robyn just went straight. Hoping that by staying in the alley there wouldn’t be much collateral damage.

“Your what?!” Dirk said. 

“It’s at your feet. Hand me my gun.” 

Dirk looked at his feet, indeed there was a gun there.

He picked up the handgun with shaking hands and handed it to Farah.

She rolled down the window and aimed towards the windshield of the silver Sedan.

Cydney ducked and yelped as a few cracks in the glass appeared.

The car swerved before regaining its direction and speeding up, dangerously close to them.

“FASTER ROBYN!” Farah yelled.

“I’m trying not to get ARRESTED!”

“I don’t know, maybe NOT DYING would be better than worrying about getting arrested!”

“SHUT UP!” Dirk leaped forward and put his hands on each of their headrests, effectively causing them to flinch as he was directly in their ears. “Now, maybe you could keep that promise of survival and pay attention to the road?”

“Look who’s talking…” Todd joked.

Dirk turned back and gave him a light slap on the knee, “Oi! Not the time Todd.”

“Just trying to keep the mood light,” he shrunk back.

* * *

Cydney’s heart dropped as the glass in front of her cracked. She dove her head forward and down with a small scream.

“Look what you did, Donovan!” Cydney yelled with an eye roll as she sped up the car. “Great job! Now they’re shooting at _us_!”

She drew closer and closer to the trunk of the car in front of them.

And with the shortened distance and the window down, she managed to hear something that sounded an awful lot like; “FASTER, ROBYN!”

Her heart stopped. Don’s stupid presence snapped her back to reality.

“Permission to fire, now?” Don asked sheepishly.

“Don’t escalate the situation!”

“But-”

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE SHOOT THAT CAR ANY MORE OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL _KILL_ YOU!”

“Ok-ok!” He dropped the gun and held up his arms in surrender.

* * *

Robyn glanced to the rear-view mirror again as they turned left making their way towards the water, Don was back _inside_ the car. 

They breathed a heavy sigh of relief and Farah sat back down and rolled the window up.

But that relief was quickly replaced with panic as they remembered that this exit led to the street market. 

_Avoid collateral damage my ass,_ they sighed.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Farah yelled.

“SHUT UP!” 

People screamed and ran out of the way. 

The brick road was frankly annoying as it set the car vibrating.

The front of the car crashed into a vendor’s table, breaking one of the headlights.

Fruit flew everywhere, the annoying white table cloth caught on a windshield wiper, blinding Robyn as it rippled in the wind and speed of the chase.

Robyn screamed.

Farah rolled down her window and climbed out slightly, Robyn holding her left ankle down, only one hand on the wheel now.

She grunted as she reached for the sheet, grabbing it and yanking it with such a force that the windshield wiper broke off.

The car swerved for what felt like the millionth time as Robyn pulled Farah’s leg to help her back into the car. 

Dirk shrieked.

Todd gripped his hand.

Robyn smiled when they saw the end of the market. They turned veered left onto Western Ave. 

“What the hell was that?!” Farah yelled at Robyn.

“I panicked! I forgot about the market!”

Faster, faster, and faster as cars on the road honked into oblivion. 

Screeching of brakes replayed through their mind, that shrill moment before a crash of one car into another in the panic of their run.

_Sorry…_ Robyn thought to themselves.

“FORK!” Dirk yelped, pointing at the small triangular bed of grass that separated two paths.

The front right wheel of the car raised over the curb as Robyn turned left, the impact causing Farah to jump out of her seat ever so slightly.

“Shit!” Todd hissed.

The car slammed back down onto the pavement with an overpowering force.

“You’ve got to stop turning left!” Farah exclaimed. “They can predict it!”

“Turning left is a lot easier under pressure than turning right!” 

Robyn’s heart skipped a beat as they rammed their foot onto the gas, watching the mph go up on the dash.

And that’s when Robyn heard their savior. 

“Don’t hate me…” They sped up.

“What are you doing?” Farah asked with afraid suspicion.

“Going left.”

They yanked the wheel to the left and let up on the gas.

“Why would I hate you- OH FUCK!” And Farah didn’t normally swear.

That sound?

“Robyn…” Todd said cautiously.

That sound was now accompanied by red flashing lights.

“Don’t you dare,” Dirk added.

That sound was the warning of an oncoming train.

“Hold on tight!” They exclaimed before they bit their lip.

The engine rumbled and grumbled as the train whistle grew louder 

“ _Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-_ ” Dirk chanted, squeezing his eyes shut as he held onto the ceiling handle and Todd before screaming eyes wide at the brightening light of the train.

Screams filled the car as they leaped over the track, narrowly avoiding being hit by the train.

The car did a 180 and faced the rather long train zooming past, Cydney and Don on the other side.

“You are so dead, Robyn…” Farah said.

“Yeah but we’re alive.”

“We almost weren’t after that stunt!” Todd shouted.

“As much as I hated all of that…” Dirk said, hyperventilating, “I’d say you make a good assis-friend.” 

Robyn simply smiled in the rear-view mirror at Dirk before taking their foot off the brake and turning the car around.

“Is Mona ok?” Dirk asked Farah.

Mona -still in mouse form- crawled out of Farah’s purse, turned into a kitten, and leaped over to Dirk before curling up in his lap.

“I am so done with today,” Todd said, shaking his head.

They all laughed off the remaining nerves as they began driving back to the agency.


	16. I'm Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST  
> Holy shit, I didn't even have this chapter in my plans. I decided to do a little h/c with them dressing their wounds after the case and dealing with Dirk's whump, maybe 1.5k or less... But then it spiraled and spiraled and got very very whump-y and... oops. I did it. My longest and angstiest chapter yet.  
> Bon appétit... oh and, bring some tissues, you might need them.

Back at the agency, they decided to all go home and rest for the night. They had enough bullshit for one day. The no-doubt shocking and all too inevitable revelations about the crystal could wait until tomorrow.

Bean yapped as Dirk and Todd opened the door to their apartment. 

Dirk half smiled as he bent down to pet her with his glowing-crystal-free-hand. She whined seeing the state of him.

“It’s ok. Daddy’s fine,” he scratched under her chin.

Todd walked to the bathroom to get tweezers, cotton balls, hydrogen peroxide, and a box of band-aids. 

“Did you feed her before we left?” Dirk called to the bathroom.

“She’s lying,” Todd called back, laughing slightly. 

Dirk sat the crystal down on the bedside table, it stopped glowing when he stopped touching it. He hated that crystal.

He sat down on the couch and took off his suit coat, bloody and torn to shreds from the exploding glass behind him. The memory of the bang, him ducking and the shattering replayed in his mind as he shed his vest and tie.

As he emerged from the bathroom it hit Todd fully what had just happened.

His head spun seeing Dirk sitting on the couch, covered in blood -strangers from the gala’s and his own- his face, neck, and hands covered in tiny cuts.

“Oh, baby…” he muttered.

And Dirk had a very similar thought running through his head. Todd wasn’t in as nearly as bad a state as him, a few cuts here and there, his black suit less stained than his orange and white one. The gun _was_ aimed at Dirk, so he received most of the damage. Todd was merely collateral damage.

“I’m sorry, Todd.”

Dirk slumped back into the couch. He quickly shot back up with a wince of pain as a few sharp stinging sensations arose in his back.

Todd set his supplies down on the coffee table and sat down next to Dirk. Bean jumped up onto the couch and rested her head on Dirk’s knee. 

“Don’t be sorry,” he said softly as he unbuttoned Dirk’s practically red tie-dyed shirt.

“But you’re hurt,” he frowned and looked down at Todd’s scratched but already scabbed over hands and then to his face which had one -very shallow but very long- gash on his right cheekbone, a few smaller cuts on his forehead, and a slice on the left side of his jaw.

“Dude, you’re in so much of a worse state than me,” Todd chuckled. He motioned for Dirk to turn around.

His face turned a ghostly white when he saw the state of his back.

And though Dirk couldn’t see Todd’s reaction he heard the hitch in his breath, like choking back tears.

“What? What’s wrong?” He asked, the only discomfort in his voice was from the discomfort of hearing Todd upset. He wasn’t aware of his state at all.

“Oh, Dirk,” he leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss into his shoulder. “Oh, sweetie.”

Small but still visible pieces of glass embedded themselves into the exposed skin of the back of his neck. Fresh blood that wasn’t being soaked up by his clothes dripped down. Little lines and crosshatches strewed over his back from the tiny pieces that slipped down and tore holes in between the layers of clothing. The sheer force of the explosion from the military-grade bullet had done a number on the glass. Shards became dangerous projectiles

“As much as I love you saying all of those things,” and he really did, “I’d really like to know what is happening.”

Todd picked up the tweezers from the table and began pulling out the pieces of glass one by one, “Oh, Dirk, you don’t want to know.”

“Ok…” he muttered.

They sat like that, silent as Todd worked gently to remove the glass. Bean had repositioned herself in Dirk’s lap. He ran his fingers through her long, fluffy tan and grey fur.

Todd picked up the hydrogen peroxide and soaked a cotton ball with it.

“This is gonna sting, really bad.”

Dirk nodded.

Todd pressed forward and began cleaning his back as Dirk yelped.

“Sorry,” Todd chanted.

Dirk shivered and jerked forward as the cotton ball of fire graced over where he knew his tattoo was.

“ _Sorry,_ ” Todd said more forcefully, more meaningfully. That was the one spot on Dirk’s body that was off-limits. “There’s a cut there,” he explained, Dirk nodded.

He opened up a few bandaids for the deeper cuts on Dirk’s neck, waterproof kind. He applied them with all the care and concentration in the world. When he finished he tapped Dirk’s shoulder for him to turn around. He turned around. Todd looked over him for any cuts on his front that weren’t his face. There seemed to be none.

Dirk saw Todd’s eyes well up with tears and assumed it was because of the sting of his own cuts. It wasn’t.

“I’m sorry,” Dirk said as a tear fell down his face.

“No, no, no. Don’t be,” Todd pulled a page out of Dirk’s book and put a finger on his lips.

Dirk kissed the tip of his finger, Todd laughed, Dirk smiled.

Todd resumed pulling the small pieces of glass out of his face and hair. Sitting face to face now, the task at hand was getting harder as Todd frowned more and more at the sight of Dirk’s wounds and Dirk teared up more and more at the sight of Todd frowning, and the cycle repeated.

“I’m sorry,” Dirk whispered in a wince as Todd wiped a fresh hydrogen peroxide soaked cotton ball over his face.

“Stop it,” he stood up in front of him and fanned Dirk’s face.

They sat silent again as Todd carefully aligned the waterproof bandaids over his cuts. Fond memories of the forest replaying in their minds.

It felt very similar. Dirk sitting on the couch, Todd standing over him with a concentrated face, smoothing over the wrinkles in the bandages with his thumb. 

Todd looked the same now as he did then.

“That was the day I knew I fancied you…” Dirk broke the silence.

“I know,” Todd said, immediately knowing what Dirk meant. “Me too.” God- _damn_ were they stupid. Neither of them knew back then about each other's feelings, but looking back it was _so_ obvious. 

Dirk smiled as Todd placed the last bandaid.

“Come on,” he took Dirk’s hand and pulled him up. “Let’s go get out of these bloody clothes.”

“But your-”

“They’re barely scratches,” He held both of Dirk’s hands in his. He seemed unconvinced. “I swear, I’m fine. Let’s go get a shower. I don’t know about you but I feel disgusting.” 

“Tell me about it,” Dirk laughed.

Todd pulled him along to the bathroom and turned on the water, the rising steam already calming their stubborn remaining nerves.

* * *

Clean, cozy, and fresh, they retreated to bed. 

Todd lay under the blankets, already nodding off after the stressful day. 

Dirk, for once, let Todd have a suitable amount of blankets. He laid on his side, back to Todd as he stared at the deep blue, green, and gold crystal on his nightstand. His mind raced with so _so_ _SO_ many thoughts all at once. _Micah and what’s-his-name died because of me. They wouldn’t run away. Countless people died because of me today. We tore up the streets today. We stole a crystal today. We wrecked Farah’s car today. Todd is hurt because of me._ _Because of ME. And he says he’s fine but he’s really not fine. He is never fine, I know that. He’s only fine when he’s with me and I let him down. I let him down again. Stupid, Dirk, stupid! I let Todd down. I let you down, love. I’m sorry. I did it again. I failed. I failed at love. Wrong Wrong WRONG!_

“ _Wrong-wrong-wrong-wrong_ -” Dirk’s whimpering and sobs pulled Todd out of his sleepy haze.

He sat up on his elbows, “Dirk?” 

When his eyes finally focused he noticed that Dirk was sitting up now as he curled his knees to his chest and sobbed.

Todd shuffled over to him and awkwardly wrapped his arms around Dirk as best as he could with Dirk currently in a ball.

Dirk wanted to run away. He wanted to leave Todd and make him safe again but he really didn’t. He never wanted to leave Todd. But he hurt Todd, they almost died for the second time this case and it was his fault. All his fault. Todd deserved better. 

But his stupid selfish body uncurled without hesitation. He turned around and flung his arms around Todd’s neck, crying into his shoulder. 

“Hey…” Todd said softly into Dirk’s ear, holding him close and stroking his head, “I’m fine. I really am. I promise.”

“I-I” Dirk choked between muffled cries, “I never said-” 

“I know you well enough,” he chuckled.

“I’m sorry-”

“Stop.”

“I’m sorry.” But this time apologizing for his apologizing. Todd knew the difference somehow.

Todd slumped down, pulling Dirk with him to rest on his chest before pulling the blankets around them.

Dirk moved closer, intertwining his legs with Todd’s as he put his right hand on his chest, nuzzling into his neck. Todd wrapped his arms around him, folding his hands and resting them on his back as he turned his head slightly to place a soft butterfly of a kiss on Dirk’s forehead.

Dirk’s breathing finally slowed after a few minutes, “I’m sorry.”

“Stop it,” another kiss on his forehead.

“This is all my fault,” aaaand... the crying resumed.

As much as he loved Dirk, and never wanted to see him hurt, God sometimes Todd wanted to smack some sense into him. 

Todd sighed heavily. “This isn’t your fault, Dirk.”

“They died. They died right in front of us. Doesn’t that bother you?” He looked up at Todd through tear-filled eyes.

“Oh, it definitely does... But you need to stop thinking that every bad thing that happens is your fault.”

Todd shifted onto his side so he could face Dirk.

“Everywhere I go death and destruction follow.”

Todd held one of his hands and wiped his cheeks with the other.

“Remember what you told me after we got back from the warehouse?”

Dirk stared at him blankly. Knowing exactly what he’s talking about but not wanting to repeat it because he knows he’s being hypocritical. But it was different, couldn’t Todd see that? 

“You can’t apologize for things out of your control, it’s stupid and pointless. Your… your whatever, your _holistic-ness_ isn’t in your control. I think you know that the best out of all of us.” 

Dirk nodded.

“So… don’t apologize for it. It’s not your fault if you can’t control it.”

“But-but it’s different Todd. Look at the crystal.”

Dirk let go of Todd’s hand, sat up, and reached over to it. The millisecond any skin made contact with it, it glowed. He picked it up and handed it over to Todd. When he dropped it in Todd’s hands, it stopped glowing. Dirk touched it again. It glowed. He pulled back. It stopped. Touch, glow. Stop, stops. Touch, glow. Stop, stops. Dirk picked it up and put it back on the nightstand, it stopped glowing once more.

“It’s called the _Icarus_ crystal, Todd. It’s ‘destined to find the one true Icarus’.” Dirk poked at it once more. It glowed. That brilliant electric blue. “That color is very befitting, don’t you think, Todd? Maybe that’s what it does, how it works. Maybe it reads my emotions and glows the correct color. Because blue is all I’ve felt in the presence of this wretched thing.”

Todd frowned, “Dirk-”

“The Icarus Crystal, Todd. I’m Icarus. That’s the name they gave me. That’s the symbol they gave me.” Dirk turned his back to Todd and lifted his shirt past his shoulders, bearing his tattoo on his left shoulder blade. “Look at it, Todd. It looks like the crystal. Don’t deny it.”

Todd made a sound of protest.

“You can’t. It’s the crystal… On my back. The _crystal_ is _on_ my _back_ ,” He turned back around to Todd and shook his hands. “WHY IS THE CRYSTAL ON MY BACK?!” 

Todd stared at him wide-eyed.

“I’m sorry for freaking out there. It’s… It’s just they gave me the name Icarus. They stripped me of my identity, everything about me and they called me Icarus. They put this stupid tattoo on my shoulder and called me by the name of a _rock!_ A very colorful and beautiful rock albeit, but still a rock. They gave me the name Icarus. They told me who I was, I fly too high and I burn. I fly too low and I’m caught. I was destined to fail, that name.”

_Oh, Dirk._

Todd put a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re not Icarus. You’re Dirk Gently. The least Icarus-like man I know.”

Dirk laughed, a very much embarrassed-and-not-believing-it laugh. Todd dropped his arm and took Dirk’s hands into his.

“You fly higher and higher every day. You make brilliant connections. You shine like the sun. And you _don’t_ fall. You just go up and up. And it’s beautiful.”

“But I do fall,” Dirk felt that rising lump in his throat again. A tear fell down his cheek. “I’m always clueless, I’m always dumb, I never know what I’m doing, I don’t think, I just do. And just _do-ing_ gets me and others hurt. It always does. And this crystal… I thought we were done with Blackwing. I thought we wouldn’t have to step into that corner of my past again. But here we are. A magical crystal that looks like my symbol and has the same name they gave me, and it glows, only when _I_ touch it, and it is supposed to belong to me. That has to mean something, right? I don’t want it to mean something, Todd.”

“Danger happens with everyone.”

“Not the type of danger you get with me.”

“But I don’t get the same high anywhere else, I don’t feel so happy with anyone else, I’ve never cared about someone the way I do you. I’ve never cared about anyone as much as you, Dirk. I love _you,_ Dirk.” Todd cupped his cheek sweetly, Dirk leaned into the touch before saying something. Something Todd had never heard. Something Dirk was never planning to tell Todd. But his mind was going into so many dark places tonight. The flashback played in his mind like a broken record, skipping and repeating. _Bad metaphor, that only worked for sound…_ Nonetheless, it stood. His mind replayed that moment over and over and over until the words slipped out of his mouth without any thought or control.

“I lost her.” 

“What? Who did you lose?”

“My sister.”

“Mona is _fine,_ remember? She’s back at the agency-”

“No, my _biological_ sister.”

“Wait, back up, you have a sister?!”

“Had.”

“Oh, Dirk.”

“I always loved old film noir detective movies.” Dirk smiled at his lap. “I always wanted to be like them, solving my own mysteries. ‘Svlad Cjelli, Private Eye.’ I had a little paper sign I taped on my bedroom door. My sister was my first assistant. She was 4, her name was Antanasia. I would set up little mysteries and we would ‘solve’ them. And then… and then that’s when things went wrong.”

He still stared at his lap, he couldn’t bear to look anyone in the eye at the moment.

“Things started going holistic. Weird things. Unexplainable things. I don’t even remember them fully to be completely honest. I knew things were going to happen, I got hunches and premonitions. My life became a whirlwind of danger and confusion. My mum had begun to worry. Sometimes it would take longer for me to get home from school, something having whisked me along in its path. Something always frightening. I came back one day, running. Something -I don’t remember what- was chasing me. I could see my house. I ran and ran and ran.”

He had begun full-on crying again.

“My mum was on the porch. Antanasia was playing in the front yard, waiting for me to get back so we could play detective more. I yelled at her to run inside. Apparently, she couldn’t see the monster. Only I could. She saw me and ran with excited little giggles. I waved at my mum frantically. She knew what was happening. She couldn’t see it either, she just knew. She ran after Antanasia, trying to get her back inside. But she kept running to me. And then the monster gave up chasing me. It didn’t want me anymore. When she reached me it-”

Dirk stopped for a second, struggling not to break down completely. He felt words slipping, harder to form. Taking all of his energy, all of his might to form sentences.

“I-i-i-tt-t-”

It played over and over. The roar. The screams. The yelling. The loud snapping. The roar-The screams-The yelling-The loud snapping. The-roar-the-screams-the-yelling-the-loud-snapping. It all became flashes and a white blur. His brain filled with loud static. 

“A-aa-”

He opened his mouth and no sound came out. His chest filled with all the things he wanted to say. Words turned to thoughts, thoughts turned to feelings. It felt like dry heaving syllables. Intense energy to just think. He wanted to pass out after making any sound. He felt trapped in his body. Almost painful to make any sound that could be considered a word. He just sobbed. 

Todd knew.

“Did you go nonverbal?”

Dirk nodded, pressing his lips together as tears streamed down his face.

“Come here.”

Todd held out his arms which Dirk fell into. Todd wrapped his arms around Dirk and he did the same.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” Todd whispered into Dirk’s ear.

Dirk made strangled noises that failed to rise past his throat.

“Don’t try to talk. It’s ok.”

Dirk nodded, sniffling.

“It’s ok. I’m here. I’m safe, ok? I’m not hurt. You’re safe, we’re safe. Just breathe.”

Dirk nodded, taking in a shaky breath. Just now realizing how hard it had been to breathe and how much he needed it. 

“I’ve got you.”

Dirk nodded again, forcing the air out and taking another shaky inhale.

“It’s not your fault. I promise. I’m ok. Mona's ok. Farah’s ok. Robyn’s ok. We’re all safe.”

Dirk nodded again, breathing returned to normal.

“And even though we might always be in danger, we’re always fine in the end. Right?”

Dirk looked back on everything that happened since he met Todd. Sure, there were a lot of near-death experiences but when hasn’t he had those? He was happier than he had ever been now. And Todd was right, despite what should have been fatal injuries in some cases, others handicapping, they made it out alive and still fully mobile. 

Dirk gave a very large nod of understanding this time. Todd knew he finally had knocked some sense into him.

“Do you want tea?” He said before kissing his head.

Dirk nodded and let go so Todd could get up.

“Want to come with or stay here?”

Dirk stood up and followed him to the kitchen. Hugging him from behind as he supervised all of the steps Todd was taking. He gave the “Dirk’s English Stamp of Approval” to the cup Todd prepared before they settled back down into bed.

They sat back on the headboard while Dirk finished his tea, Todd playing with his hair while he waited.

As Dirk took the last sip and set the mug down in front of the crystal on the table he smiled. 

“Thank you, Todd. I needed that.”

“I know you did. It’s ok, I’m always here,” he leaned his head on Dirk’s shoulder. 

“I appreciate it,” He turned his head to kiss the top of Todd’s head. “I love you so much. You’re my everything.”

“I love you too,” He lifted his hand, which was intertwined with Dirk’s left, and pressed a kiss on his knuckles. “You’re my world.”

“God I’m so tired,” Dirk chuckled with an effort. “I feel like I could pass out. And _holy fuck_ do my eyes hurt.”

Todd laughed with slightly more energy, only slightly, as they slumped down into the soft, welcoming pillows. 

Todd held Dirk close and would never let go. He made sure Dirk knew that. 

“Goodnight, my love,” Dirk sighed.

“Goodnight, angel.”

And they fell into _much_ needed sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, by the way, Antanasisa is a traditional Romanian name that means "One who will be reborn, immortal." I thought it had sort of a sad irony to it. But also, she is immortal, Dirk will never forget her.  
> I'm not crying, YOU'RE crying!


	17. A Message From The Past And Future At The Same Time

Todd woke up around 6:45 am, much earlier than he needed to be awake. He looked over at Dirk, still asleep, and he got an idea. 

Todd slid out of bed at the foot of it. Their bed was in a corner and Todd slept on the side closest to the wall. Very quietly he fed and walked Bean, leaving a note on the nightstand in case Dirk woke up and freaked out; _Out walking Bean. Don’t panic. I’ll be back in 15._

He returned to their apartment to see that Dirk was still fast asleep. Wrapped in the blankets with only his head and feet visible, lightly snoring. The early morning sun shined through the cracks in the blinds, casting golden ribbons over his face. His auburn hair reflected the warm light so beautifully, bits or red catching the light like copper threads. He looked peaceful. Beautiful. _Angelic._

Todd was relieved too, Dirk needed more sleep. He always functioned on such low sleep, Todd wasn’t sure how he managed to stay so energetic though. Dirk had confessed to him that he wakes up sometime in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep. He then finds something to do or read until he feels like he can go back to sleep, usually, around 4 or 5 am. And he almost always woke up before Todd -who was a heavy sleeper- and while he waited for him to wake up, he held him in his arms. Taking in his wonderful Todd energy he loved so much, thinking about how lucky he was, how much he loved him. Undeniably content just like that. And when Todd woke up, he always smiled. How he loved that sleepy smile. So raw and unfiltered, so perfectly Todd.

There were the rare occasions that he did sleep through the night. And those days were where he was at his best, at his cheeriest. Todd could tell he had one of those nights last night, first, there was the snoring which he seemed to only do on nights with full rest. But there was also the fact that he was so drained from last night. All of the fear, the resurfacing trauma, the brand new confession, it was a lot. A _lot_ a lot. And his mind needed to recharge if it was going to handle, less handle and more stumble through safely, what was sure to be another hellish day. 

So the universe let him sleep. It didn’t keep him awake with it’s buzzing and whirring. A vast series of electric wires that shot from one place to another, connecting everything and nothing all at once, waiting for that new piece of information to come along and to sort into its perfect little slot of reality. That was what kept him awake. The universe never slept, so why should it let him? _Because he deserved sleep… never mind, that was supposed to be rhetorical._

Todd went to the kitchen and put a kettle on. He poured himself a mug of black coffee which he gulped down with a tolerant disgust. 

He opened the fridge to pull out some eggs. He opened the freezer and grabbed the box of Eggos, because he didn’t have the patience or motivation to make pancakes _and_ eggs. Frozen waffles would have to do. And Dirk most certainly did not mind.

When Todd had finished cooking, Dirk was still fast asleep. He moved the crystal to the coffee table to make room for Dirk’s food and tea on the nightstand. 

He leaned down to kiss his forehead. Dirk’s eyes fluttered open.

“Good morning, Dirk.”

Dirk craned his neck upwards to kiss Todd properly. Soft, slow, wonderfully sleepy, and love-filled, Todd followed him as he pulled away.

“Good morning, Todd,” he smiled with all the fondness in the world. Dirk closed his eyes and inhaled deeply through his nose before opening his eyes lazily. He grunted, his voice groggy. “Is that breakfast? Smells wonderful whatever it is.”

“You know it, love.”

Dirk sat up with furrowed brows, he raised a finger and opened his mouth and then closed it, looking off to the side and then back at Todd before leaning over and saying very slowly;

“What do you want?”

Todd looked back at him as if he had two heads.

“You don’t make breakfast, you don’t use pet-names -although that has been on the rise lately- but you don’t seem like the type of person to call me ‘love’. Therefore I ask, what do you want?”

Todd chuckled and climbed onto Dirk’s lap, taking his face into his hands before brushing his fringe out of his face with the warmest smile. 

“What? Can’t I be nice to my boyfriend?”

Dirk wrapped his arms behind Todd’s neck.

“Well, your boyfriend is _thoroughly_ confused.”

Todd knew if he told Dirk he was doing all of this to make him feel better he wouldn’t allow himself to just relax and let Todd love on him.

“I-I’m just feeling a little extra love-y today is all.”

“Well, I could get used to this.”

“Don’t. Breakfast in bed is a one-time thing.”

Dirk smirked. 

“What about the names?”

Todd shrugged, “I think I could get used to those.” 

Dirk beamed before Todd leaned in to kiss him with all the light and love he could muster. Goddamnit if there was one thing he was sure of it was that Dirk would feel better today, he would feel safe today, he would feel loved today. He couldn’t guarantee the results of the first two but he was sure he could make that third one a reality. Today Dirk would receive all the love he deserved.

Dirk sighed in content as Todd ran his fingers through his hair. Todd dove in closer, deeper, he smiled against Dirk's mouth. Dirk smiled back before moving down his jaw, feeling the prickling of his stubble against his soft lips, then down his neck. Todd pulled back. _No, is my job today._ Dirk worried something was wrong immediately, worried he had messed up somehow.

“I’m sorry-”

Oh no, this was doing the opposite of what he intended. Dirk wasn’t going to apologize today on his watch.

“No, it’s ok. I-um... realized the food’s gonna get cold.”

Dirk grinned, “I suppose you’re right. Don’t want to waste my rare, illusive, breakfast in bed made by Todd.” His tone shifted, slightly softer, genuine. “Thank you, by the way.”

“Anything for you.”

* * *

Todd made sure to be extra gentle with him, cling to him tighter, give him more cuddles and kisses. And though Dirk would like to deny that it helped, he couldn’t hide it. He still was clueless as to _why_ Todd was acting like this today, however. He knew there was a reason.

Perhaps the best thing Todd had done was wrapping the crystal up in an old T-shirt, not letting Dirk see or touch it for the time being. It may sound silly, but it really meant a lot to him.

They were actually first to the agency. Farah came next, she rode the bus to avoid recognition of her car, she already took off the license plate. Then Robyn came in. When they were all there they pulled out the crystal to begin investigating. 

That is, they were going to before Farah got a call from Tina.

She answered the phone and was met with immediate yelling. 

“Farah, what did you DO?!” 

“Calm down, Tina. What are you talking about?”

“Shit, I could lose my job in Seattle if they know I’m calling you-”

“Slow down, Tina.”

“And, fuck what if I get arrested, shit, what if _you_ get arrested and-”

“Tina-”

“And I never see you again and-”

“ _Tina!_ ”

There was a silence on the other line.

“What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“ _Mmhmm_ …” She whimpered in a panic before breathing out slowly. “Ok… I got into work this morning and Hobbs told me… he told me... SHIT Farah! What did you do? I know that was you, don’t lie to me. I could have been there and we could have done something and- They’re on to you Farah…”

“Who’s on to me?”

“They’re THIS close to finding you!”

“What did Hobbs tell you?” She said slowly.

“The FBI is looking for you guys. They don’t know who you are yet but they’re close. I guess Blackwing must have erased all traces of you being wanted before because they have no clue who you are… yet... They’re coming, Farah, _what did you do?_ ”

She didn’t tell Tina about the heist. The less people know about it the better. Plus she would be worried sick, and she didn’t want to worry her. They both knew she was perfectly capable but there’s still that worry that lingers. 

“Remember the crystal I told you about?” Tina mumbled affirmatively. “We didn’t ask for it nicely.”

“DAMNIT, FARAH!”

“I know, I know! Bad move. But we needed it. Something bad is going to happen if we don’t have it. And we don’t know what but we know it’s bad.”

“Babe… I know I’m the one who doesn’t think things through… but do you realize how stupid you sound right now?”

“Bad with Dirk means really bad. End of the world, bad. I mean, probably not that but it always means something extremely bad.” _Oh, Farah, little do you know…_ “So yes, I know it’s stupid but we can’t risk it.”

“Just… promise me you’ll stay in the shadows until you solve the case?”

“I promise. Just stay calm. I’ve got this.”

“Ok… ok, ok. You’ve got this.”

“I’ve got this.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too. I’ve gotta go now, ok? You’ll be ok?”

“ _Mmhmm._ ” High pitched and worried. 

“Ok, bye now.”

“ _Mmhmm._ ” Just a repeat.

Farah hung up and put her phone back in her pocket. 

“Great news. We’re very close to being put on the wanted list again.”

“Oh no…” Robyn mumbled.

“Not you, Robyn. No one saw you so you’re good.”

“Oh, this is all my fault…” Dirk pouted. 

“No,” Todd insisted. “This is not your fault! That’s bullshit.”

“Let’s… let’s just figure out the deal with the crystal?” Farah said.

Todd pulled out the crystal and set it on a desk. They stared at it for a minute, not entirely sure what to do next until Dirk just grabbed it and started looking around from different angles, watching where the light came from, listening to it hum. 

“It’s almost as if the gold bits are buttons…” He whispered to himself, noticing the way the blue light escaped in between the gold and the azurite. “But it can’t be _that_ , simple... can it?”

“I don’t know,” Farah said. “It could be buttons if you pushed them, giving that-” 

Todd lightly punched her arm. _Don’t remind him._

Dirk set the crystal down on the desk and pressed one of the gold circles. It pressed in much like a button but it didn’t do anything. A different button? No. Maybe this one? No. Well, it _must_ be this one. No. Damnit! Press them all at once? Fuck, nothing. 

“Wait,” Robyn said. “There are 4 buttons. There are 4 of us. What if we all have to press the buttons at once?”

“Only one way to find out,” Todd shrugged and pushed a button in. 

Farah and Robyn joined. They all looked at Dirk. Reluctantly he pressed the remaining button. 

And not only did it glow when Dirk was added to the equation.

No.

It glowed brighter than it ever had before, startling them with a tiny static shock. They all jumped back. And when they let go of the buttons…

They fell out.

They were like small golden tubes. 

Dirk beamed as he picked up one and looked inside. Very strangely, a perfectly preserved piece of paper sat rolled up inside. He put it down, a concentrated look brushed across his face. He picked up each tube and in each was a perfectly preserved piece of rolled paper. He pulled out one of the rolls. On the aged paper was a small ring that held the roll in place. He immediately recognized the symbols on the ring as not Greek. But _runes_. 

_Nordic_ runes.

He smiled even brighter as he frantically turned the small roll around, searching for something desperately on the ring. And then he found it. 

A tiny carving of an upside-down hammer with a little number “1” in it. 

“I knew I could rely on Thor,” he whispered as he removed the ring and unrolled the paper.

_Dirk,_

_I’m sorry if the crystal’s name and prophecy were unnerving. But I couldn’t exactly hand over a crystal and say, “Here, this is The Dirk Crystal. Make sure it finds him,” now could I? The paper is running out- just read the next one._

He searched for the roll with the hammer with the “2”. 

“What’s it say?” Todd asked.

“I’m getting to it!” He said as he unrolled the next one.

“Maybe you can read it out loud?” He said, crossing his arms. 

“Oh, sorry.”

_Right. Now. The world is going to end. I wish I could tell you how, but I’m not exactly sure. You have to figure that one out yourself, but I have no doubt that you can do it. That’s what you do. So here’s what you need to do. - Next paper_

“The world is going to end?!” Todd shouted. 

“Wow, I wasn’t far off,” Farah said.

“Oh my God.” Was all Robyn could manage.

“Thor specifically,” Dirk added.

He unrolled the next paper.

_You need to get to Atlantis and get the sacred algae before Cydney and Donovan do. If they get it, the world ends. That’s all I can say._

_Atlantis is off the coast of Alaska. Long story. But you need to take a cruise to it, that part is vital. Don’t ask. You may be wondering, “Thor, how are we supposed to afford that?” - Next tube_

“Wait, Atlantis is real?!” Todd shouted excitedly. 

“Well, Wendimoor is a thing so why shouldn’t Atlantis be,” Dirk said matter-a-fact-ly.

“Oh my God,” was once again all Robyn could manage.

He unrolled the next paper.

_I’ve had this plan for a long time now. 13,000 years. So naturally, it doesn’t leave your head that easily. Don’t ask how I knew I would know you 13,000 years ago. Time is complex. The point is, I have you booked on a cruise to Alaska. Here are the tickets. Get packing because it leaves tomorrow. Now, go save the world in style._

Rolled up with the paper were 4 tickets. 

Dirk smiled and turned to Todd, excitedly shaking him.

“This is going to be so fun! It will be like a couple’s getaway!”

Todd rolled his eyes, “It’s not going to be fun, we’re saving the world. And it won’t be like a couple’s getaway, Farah is going to be there.”

“Couple’s getaway plus one.”

“And Robyn.”

“Couples getaway plus two that happen to not be a couple despite being two.”

“Oh my God, Dirk.” He sighed. 

“You love me.” 

“Busted.” He smirked before leaning up and kissing him.


	18. Slightly Chaotic

Needless to say, Plato was a brilliant mind. His theory on Atlantis was flawless. Except for one thing. The location.

It’s highly improbable, this scenario. 

It’s highly improbable that Atlantis does not exist in the Mediterranean, or off the coast of Africa, or IN the Sahara desert like most people these days theorize.

It’s highly improbable that it exists off the southern coast of Alaska. Sightly South-West to be exact.

See, you have to take into consideration the size of the world, the amount of all of the water on Earth and how much space it takes up, the size of Atlantis, the population of the world, the population of the west coast of the US and Canada, the population of Seattle, and take into account the four people in which our story follows that happen to all be together at the exact same time the world is about to end with all of the materials they need to prevent the end of the world.

When taking this into account you end up with the number four to the power of one-hundred and thirty-nine thousand and forty-seven to one against. Very improbable indeed. But not _impossible._

And it’s even more unlikely that Plato would know of the existence of Atlantis given its true location. But I have an easier answer for that one.

One day, Thor came down to Plato. Yes, that Thor. Plato thought it was Zeus given the thunder, lightning, and his true state of not being so good looking. Although Plato couldn’t pin down why Zeus was wearing a big fluffy coat...

Anyway, Thor said to Plato, “Listen carefully and write down everything I am about to tell you. Because one day all of this will become very useful information to a group of four people consisting of a college student, a badass, an ex-successful-punk-band-member, (don’t ask what that is), and a soon to be, if you mean 2,400 years is soon, friend of mine who is connected to the fabric of reality. Because all of this information is vital to their mission of saving the world. And they’re going to get all of this information out of a book about you that was covered in notes written by a crazy, druggie, college student who is best friends to the other college student I mentioned. Yes, they are different, keep up. This one majors in American History. What’s America? Don’t ask, it’s not important. America sucks. Just listen to me and write down everything I tell you, it’s very integral to my plan.”

And Plato said, “If you’re friends with one of these people, then why don’t you just tell them this yourself?”

And Thor-who-is-thought-to-be-Zeus said, “Well… I never said it was a _good_ plan, did I?”

And Plato said, “Well maybe you should use my plan.”

And Thor said, “Well I like this one.”

And so Thor told Plato everything about Atlantis and gave him The Icarus Crystal with the instructions to pass it through generations, it would eventually end up where it needed to be. And everything about it Thor said was true. Except for one thing. The location.

Thor deliberately lied to Plato and told him that it existed near Heracles’s Pillars, which is a strait of water between Spain and Morocco. This was to throw off Cydney and Don with the information in the book and give enough time for our heroes to make it to the real Atlantis without any interruptions.

All of this was highly improbable, yes. But it happened.

It makes you wonder what sorts of things the universe is planning-not-planning.

Is the world going to end? Is the world not going to end?

Well, I think you know the answer to that one already. But you don’t know how, and you don’t know the train of events that lead up to it.

And in fact, even I am deliberately hiding information from you, too.

And soon enough you’ll find out what the right information is.

But for now, take into consideration all that I am telling you. Because this is all going to be very important later.

* * *

They spent the rest of the workday learning as much as they could about Atlantis. That book annotated by Cydney had come in handy. Dirk was admittedly disappointed in himself that he didn’t figure it out sooner. In the dream they were going to a lost city, the book was about Plato. He should have put two and two together, connect the dots, but at this point figuring it out too late (or having it told to him) seemed par for the course for him. What mattered is they knew what they had to do now. Only one question remained; How is the world going to end, and how are Cydney and Don going to do it? 

Now, a November cruise to Alaska wasn’t an amazing idea. But what can they do about it? It’s a case. Plus the new information about the end of the world didn’t help settle their nerves. 

So many questions ran through their heads.

_What if we’re recognized?_

_How are we going to get to a lost island from a cruise?_

_Especially if it’s November and there’s no diving._

_What does the sacred algae have anything to do with this?_

_How is the world going to end?_

_What if we can’t do this?_

“What if we can’t do this, Todd?” Dirk said as he neatly folded shirts into his suitcase that sat on the bed. 

“We can do this,” he responded, throwing t-shirts into his. “We’re always able to do it.”

“And Bean can’t even come with us!”

He stopped transferring clothes from his dresser to the suitcase. 

“It’s a cruise, Dirk. You can’t bring a dog on a cruise. They have to be walked multiple times a day!”

“But she has to be important. She has to be integral to the case!”

Todd rolled his eyes and resumed packing.

“Are you suggesting we smuggle a dog onto a ship?”

“We have to smuggle a stolen artifact. What’s a dog?”

Todd pinched between his brows with a hand on his hip. 

“She’ll be fine, Dirk. Amanda agreed to come up and watch her.”

Dirk’s face drained.

“Wait. When you said you got someone to dog-sit, you meant The Rowdies?!”

“I’ve gotten to like them more in the past few months. They care about Amanda a lot. They’re really not that bad.”

“Easy coming from someone who didn’t have them follow him around eating his energy!”

“Well, do you trust Amanda? Because they listen to her.”

“It’s not whether I trust Amanda, _of course,_ I trust Amanda. I don’t trust the rest of them… And I trust Beast. _But that’s it!_ ”

“Well you trust two of them, that’s a start. They’re going to be here soon. I figured since we have the rest of the day off until tomorrow morning we could hang out with them. If you still don’t trust them I can see if Mrs. Davidson can watch her. Worst case scenario we’ll hire someone.”

“Fine,” Dirk sighed and resumed packing.

Around 30 minutes later, a knock at the door was heard. 

Todd smiled and as he went to open the door. Dirk frowned anxiously as Todd opened it.

“Amanda!” He said as he went in for a hug. 

She returned laughing, “Hey asshole.”

In the hall stood the rest of the gang. Cross, Gripps, Martin, and of course Beast. She smiled widely, her rainbow hair tossing to-and-fro as she ran, hunched over, to Dirk. 

“BIBBIT!” Beast squawked, trapping Dirk in her arms. 

“Hello, Beast,” Dirk said, smiling fondly. Almost forgetting the fact that the rest of the Rowdies were there. Almost.

The rest of them walked into the apartment. 

Vogel searched out Bean, very excited to see the dog they were going to be hanging out with for a week. He didn’t really need to search her out, Bean was a very friendly and fearless dog. And she understood that The Rowdy 3 were for the most part harmless. Unlike Dirk who winced as Vogel bent down to pet her. But he couldn’t help but smile at Bean wagging her curly, floofy tail. Maybe if Bean trusted them he should too. Plus they really didn’t need to feed on _him_ anymore. But she didn’t attack Cydney and Don so maybe her judgment was flawed. She was a dog after all.

His face rapidly swapped over looks while his brain internally monologued about the intentions of The Rowdy 3. Maybe Todd was right, maybe he should give them a chance. Again, his thoughts swapped back to seeing the Rowdies as a threat as Amanda and Todd stopped hugging and Martin was looming over Todd.

“Hey, Dickhead.” He said to Todd with a menacing face. Oh, Dirk was going to-

But instead, Martin and Todd both burst out laughing. Martin howled and Todd held out his hand for a fist bump. 

“Ok,” Dirk butted in. “What did I miss all those times you hung out with Amanda and them without me?”

“I told you, they aren’t so bad,” Todd said.

“Turn’s out I just needed to get them to talk to each other,” Said Amanda. Todd nodded.

“Sometimes you just need to talk,” Gripps said. 

“Yeah, we were all real pissed with T over here,” Cross said and they all nodded.

“ _Real_ pissed,” Vogel added. “And then Drummer made us sit and listen to him.”

“It took a while, but we warmed up to him,” Cross said.

“As long as Drummer ain’t mad we don’t have a problem with him,” Martin said.

Gripps approached Dirk. He tried to back off, shaking his head, but Beast held him in place.

“Iz okey, Bibbit. No scares. Gripps ma fren,” Beast said, stroking his arm. “Gripps be yo fren now.”

“Peace offering?” Gripps pulled a bottle of lemon yellow nail polish out of his jeans pockets. “T said yellow was your favorite color.”

Dirk fought back a smile.

Martin added, “Sorry about all of that. We had to survive, ya know? We ain’t goin' to be doing that to ya no more. We’ve got Drummer now.”

“But if it makes ya feel better, you tasted pretty good,” Cross said. 

Todd facepalmed as Amanda fought back laughter. Dirk looked back in confusion and disgust.

“Oh yeah,” Vogel said, nodding enthusiastically. “Real tasty.” 

Amanda finally bent over laughing. “Alright, I think that’s enough of that.”

“Whatcha say, Icarus?” Martin said.

Dirk’s skin crawled at the name from his past, his face went blank, he backed up, Beast held his hand. She wasn’t quite sure what was happening but she would be there for her Bibbit. 

Todd’s eyes shone with fury as he let out a large huff through his nose. His chest heaved down with a force as he grabbed the back of Martin’s jacket, turned him around swiftly, and punched him in the jaw. Martin’s head swung back to the side as the rest of the Rowdies went “oohhh…” Amanda looked at Todd with a fierce “ _What the fuck, dude!_ ” face. 

“Don’t you _ever_ call my boyfriend that name again or the peace treaty’s off!” He jabbed his finger at Martin accusingly.

Amanda pulled Todd back and whispered to him, “What the hell, man?! It’s just-”

“No! It’s not _just_ anything, Amanda. That goes for the rest of you. Now I know you like nicknames and you all don’t have a problem being called Incubus but you -although you’ve been through hell too I’m not denying that- You haven't gone through the shit that he has. This case has been really hard on him so shut the fuck up. I was giving him a good day and you’ve ruined it!”

“Ok…” Martin said slowly. “Sorry to anger you.”

“Apologise to Dirk,” Todd commanded.

“Sorry… Dirk.” He said with his arms up in surrender before turning back at Todd. “There.”

There was a heavy silence looming over the room. The lonely light seemed to be the looks Dirk and Todd tossed back and forth at each other. The looks of “You didn’t have to do that.” “But I did, though.” The looks of soft loving eyes. But despite this, they all seemed to be planted still in shock.

That is before Amanda cleared her throat and said, “Alright, that’s enough of that. Who wants a beer?” 

They all collectively grunted. That was not a fun way to start the night.

It was late, several hours later, they were all slightly tipsy, ok a lot tipsy. The coffee table was covered in empty pizza boxes filled with empty beer cans. They were playing Cards Against Humanity and laughing their asses off. They all sat on the floor around the coffee table, completely ignoring the existence of the couch and chair that could seat at least four of them in total. Beast however chose to sit on the couch over Dirk, doing his hair. Eventually, she jumped down and sat behind him with her arms around him. Todd teased him relentlessly for it. Dirk reminded him that she had stopped calling him “Boyfre” a few visits ago. 

They had actually become rather close while Todd was off with Amanda and the Rowdies on their visits. During the slow months, they would wander through the woods together, hoping to find a case, maybe Beast’s presence would cause something weird to happen. But it never did. Beast would find small sticks or acorns and gift them to Dirk, and he kept them. They had a nice friendship. Dirk would tell her about his past cases and adventures. She would babble on about her times with the Rowdies and in Wendimoor. He actually learned what “Bibbit” meant. The question was pressing in his mind since they traveled back in time to 1941 in Oneiroi. Turns out it was a traditional name in her native language. It meant “wun hoo shine like da sun.” They had some good times. 

Dirk was surprisingly good at the game. Maybe growing up in Blackwing gave you a dark sense of humor. After all, he had compared life to Zackariah Webb’s death mazes. 

“Ok, Dirk’s cards,” Amanda said, picking up the two white cards.

Dirk covered his mouth to hold back his laughter, and partially to show off his newly painted nails thanks to Gripps. He was very good at it. 

“Todd, Todd-” He burst out, pushing his shoulder lightly. “This one is literally us!”

Amanda cracked up briefly, “Introducing the amazing superhero/sidekick duo, ‘Spectacular Abs’ and ‘A sea of trouble’!”

They all burst out laughing, practically cackling. 

“So, are his abs spectacular?” Amanda teased, looking at Todd.

“Why can’t I be spectacular abs? You don’t know-”

“Nah, you are definitely a sea of trouble,” Cross said.

“Is that really how you all see me?”

They all nodded. 

“Well you’re an adorable sea of trouble,” Dirk giggled, booping Todd on the nose through half-lidded eyes before adding, “And I’d say that I cause a lot of trouble too…” He trailed off, all of the guilt and fear of the case and past ones that were hidden under the warm glowy-ness of the alcohol resurfacing with tears in the corners of his eyes.

“No-no-no don’t be like that,” Todd took Dirk’s hands into his own. “Hey, it’s ok.”’

Beast frowned. “Bibbit saz? No be saz. Talka Beastie.”

Dirk started actually crying.

The Rowdy 3 looked at each other, very clearly uncomfortable with the emotional situation. Amanda stared at the two of them, thinking to herself, _Stupid saps._

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Todd said, wiping the tears off of Dirk’s cheek with his thumb. “Do you want tea?”

And it was at this statement that Dirk started crying harder. Beast stared Todd down, thinking it was something he said. He waved her off, she backed off reluctantly. He didn’t want Dirk to be overwhelmed.

“Stop being so damn nice! I don’t deserve you!”

And it was at this that Todd started crying.

“Stop it!”

Dirk flung his arms around Todd and sobbed into his shoulder. And Todd simply held him, rocking in place, also crying, running his fingers through his hair. 

Beast patted his back a few times. “Iz okey, Bibbit. No saz.”

“Aaand that’s enough for the two of you,” Amanda reached over and took away their half-empty cans. “Come on, let’s get back to the game.”

Dirk and Todd pulled apart, sniffing. 

“So, who won this round?” Dirk asked, wiping his face on his sleeve.

Amanda looked at Todd, “You’re going to kick my ass if I don’t pick him after that, aren’t you?”

“No, I won’t-”

“I’m not risking it.” She laughed and handed the black card over to Dirk who half-smiled. “Plus his was pretty good.”

“Thank you, Amanda. Dirk Gently has done it again!”

Martin looked over to Amanda, “What time is it anyway?”

She pulled out her phone, “Um, 9:47. Why?”

“They’ve got a cruise to catch in the mornin’ right? We should go then.”

“No!” Dirk said. “It’s not even _that_ late and we’re having fun!”

They all had a feeling it had to do with the new presence of emotions. But Amanda agreed.

“He’s right, you’ve got to be up early and you’ll probably want some time to deal with your hangovers before having to go anywhere.”

“Ah fuck. Forgot about that,” Todd said. He stood up to go get some water before he forgot. “You got water in the van?”

“Yep, we’re all good,” Amanda said.

Todd pulled her in for a hug goodbye. 

“Love you, sis.”

“Love you too, asshole.” 

She pulled back with a pat on the back and waved as she left the apartment with the Rowdies. 

“Bye guys!” Dirk said.

Beast ran back after realizing that she didn’t give Dirk a hug goodbye.

“Bye Bibbit.”

“Bye, darling.” He patted her on the head before she ran back to the group. 

“BYE T! BYE T’S BOYFRIEND!” Vogel waved enthusiastically with the rest of the group before they walked off and he and Beast hopped behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof... Yet another chapter that wasn't planned but ended up being one of the longest chapters in the book...  
> Except for that whole bit with Thor and Plato and the improbability of the situation... that's been planned since the beginning.


	19. No Hunches, Just Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, super important announcement/note here:  
> Chapters are going to be coming in less often until the new year. Maybe once a week at the farthest apart. But just don't expect an upload schedule. (But you can never expect that from me lol)  
> This is because I'm participating in the DGHDA Reverse Bang as both a writer and artist. I also have a new series coming to my school newspaper as an original short story. Which is also something I'd like to talk about.  
> Would you be interested in seeing original work? The series follows Melody Wilson. Private Detective. It is going to be sort of similar to DGHDA in the sense that the mysteries are chaotic and make no sense. But the characters, the lore, are and the tone are all very different. It's going to be called "Utterly Unexplainable Things".  
> So all in all, I'll be uploading less often. If you want updates on how things are headed then you can follow me on Tumblr @Sacred-Algae, I'm active over there a lot more often.  
> (Also sorry for the short-ish chapter, just wasn't a lot of stuff for these scenes)

Dirk and Todd indeed woke up hungover, much earlier than they would have preferred. Maybe having Amanda and The Rowdies over wasn’t such a good idea. 

“I don’t want to get up,” Dirk groaned, burying his head into the pillows to block out the light assaulting his sensitive head. Frankly, the sun was getting on his last nerves. 

“Me neither,” Todd said. “But we’ve got a case, remember?”

“Case can wait until I feel better,” Dirk whined and wrapped himself deeper in the covers. 

“Come on, we’ve gotta get up, we’ve got to save the world,” Todd gently shoved Dirk, signaling him to let Todd out of bed. 

“If you want to get up so badly just slither out of the bottom, you can’t make me move!”

“Aspirin? Toast? Herbal tea?”

“ _Mmhmm,_ ” Dirk nodded, eyes clamped shut.

Todd was once again being the responsible one out of the two of them. Somehow…

* * *

It was time to head out. They were feeling better. Slightly. Not really. They were _functional._

Amanda came by to pick up Bean. 

They went to the agency to meet up with Farah, Mona, and Robyn and to all ride together. Mona, who they weren’t quite sure where she came from, appeared as a moth who landed on Dirk’s shoulder before turning into a small, fuzzy, dwarf hamster. Farah took one look at Dirk and Todd’s pale demeanors and sighed.

“What the hell? You have a case, a world-saving one at that, and you’re hungover? What happened?”

“The Rowdy 3 happened,” Dirk said.

“Oh my god,” She said, shaking her head. She looked down at her ticket to look at the departure time but then realized it had no name on it. Just departure time and room number. “Shit, in all the panic around... Thor and Atlantis, we forgot to make new personas.” The rest of them pulled out their tickets, no names. Except Robyn’s 

“Mine has my name,” Robyn said, frowning quizzically. 

“That’s probably because they don’t know that you’re involved with us,” Farah said. “But we,” gesturing to the rest of the group, “Need to go undercover.”

Dirk smiled almost too widely. “We get to go undercover again?”

“ _Get?_ Dirk, we’re this close to being wanted by the FBI,” Farah rolled her eyes.

“But going undercover is fun!” He said, his lingering hangover the only thing keeping him from bouncing in his typical Dirk manner. 

“I will admit…” Todd said, maybe his reason had left. “Pretending to be a married couple was fun.”

Dirk’s smile widened, “Maybe we _should-_ ” 

Todd cut him off very quickly, “Not yet, Dirk.”

“Did you just say… _‘yet’_?”

“No-”

“You said ‘yet’!”

“No!”

“Fine. Not _‘yet’_... So... married couple again?”

“Married couple again.”

“I’ll be Collin Marcus-”

Todd smirked, he knew _exactly_ where the name came from. Dirk had very few shows he cared enough to pay attention to and actually learn the names of the characters, let alone their actors, and get invested in the plots with. Movies were easy, they lasted only for a short while, and then they were over, a show? That was asking too much. According to Dirk, you have to be dedicated to actually care about it, it’s too much time. But every once in a while, Todd, Farah, Tina, or Amanda would try to get him into a show, and it succeeded. Todd didn’t even really like Once Upon A Time, but he figured that since it was basically Disney for adults, Dirk would like it. And oh boy… he was right. Because Dirk _loved_ that show. One of the many reasons was the character, Hook. While he would like to deny it, Dirk had a _thing_ for the charming pirate. And Todd found his reason absolutely adorable. He reminded Dirk of Todd. 

It was endearing, and -he wasn’t going to lie- cute, that while respecting his boundaries on no photos from his Mexican Funeral days, Dirk still thought about it, it was always in the back of his mind. To Dirk, it was something mysterious and forbidden, and therefore hot. And with nothing to go off of, he said he imagined Mexican Funeral Todd as a combination of Killian from Once Upon A Time and Frank Iero during the revenge era. And Todd would never take that adorable fantasy away from him even though he was very far off. 

“Oi, what’s that look for?” Dirk looked at Todd. 

He smiled, “Does this have anything to with-”

“NO!” Too quickly, too desperately. At least he didn’t let Todd finish the sentence in front of Farah, Robyn, and Mona. Especially Mona, friends were one thing but his sister knowing was another. He stuttered, receiving glances from Robyn and Farah, before finally finishing his persona, “I’ll be Collin Marcus. Struggling actor.” _Of course, he was an actor too_ , Todd thought. 

Almost on cue, he looked to Todd. “You’ll be… Joseph Marcus. Writer.” 

Dirk looked down at the tickets which now had “Marcus, Collin” and “Marcus, Joseph” printed on them like they were there all along. _Clever Thor._

“What about me?” Farah asked.

“Riley Lucas. Veteran.”

“Is that seriously all you can come up with for me? Veteran?”

“ _What?_ You’re _totally_ badarse,” Dirk explained. She simply grinned and looked back at her ticket. The name was there now. 

“Should we get going?” Farah asked. “We’re all here. Got the crystal?”

“No, Farah,” Dirk said, rolling his eyes, emphasizing his sarcasm “I forgot the all-important crystal that’s named after me, or... I’m named after?” He trailed off into the dark space in his mind. 

“Uh- Here.” Todd handed it, still wrapped up and out of sight, to Farah. “I think you guys should keep it during the cruise.”

Farah nodded in understanding. “Good idea.” Dirk tried to interject, raising a finger and opening his mouth, “End of story.” She said with an intense glare. 

“Let’s go then,” he said through pursed lips. 

They managed to smuggle on the crystal without a hitch. And it probably was for the best that Farah, Robyn, and Mona took the crystal through security with Dirk and Todd’s heightened anxiety. 

At guest services, Todd was pleased to learn that Thor hadn’t gone all out and given them first-class cabins or something like that. A cruise was already too much high society for him, he never wanted to learn what it felt like to be a rich person. Farah, Robyn, and Mona were all going to share a larger cabin not far from Dirk and Todd’s. Bellhops took their luggage to their rooms. Todd gave an extra-large tip to the bellhop. Farah insisted that her backpack stay with her, it had both the crystal and stress-toy-Mona in it. That backpack was not leaving her sight.

The lobby was breathtaking. Staircases of brass and faux-marble spiraled upwards, splitting off onto the many levels that ascended so high. The railings, a combination of more brass and glass that reflected the lights from the impossibly large chandelier that resembled a cone, made with small slivers of glass and lights giving a modern and whimsical feel. Tasteful accents of sleek black in art-deco stylings lined the balcony edges of each level. The ceiling and floor both that same black, the floor matched the art-deco accents that brandished the layers. 

The plan was 13,000 years old, and it made all of them wonder if Thor had split the tickets knowing that Dirk and Todd would end up together. 

“Ok. We’re here,” Farah said, putting her hands on her hips before turning to Dirk. “Where to first?”

“Nowhere,” he shrugged. 

Robyn said, “But the case-”

“The case can wait.”

“But this is the end of the world we’re talking about,” Farah argued, “Where are you feeling we should go? Any hunches?”

“No hunches,” Said Dirk, shrugging. “Just bed.”

Todd nodded and leaned his head on Dirk’s shoulder, “There are a _lot_ of lights here.”

Farah sighed, pinching between her brows, “Ok, you and Todd want to go back to your room while we explore the ship?”

“Yes,” Dirk said. “We would be ever so grateful.”

“Every time,” Farah muttered.

“Every time what?” Todd asked.

“Every time Dirk is hungover, it’s always me and someone else who does all the case work.”

“Every time?” Dirk repeated, “That was only last time, and we had just gotten back from time traveling in a Blackwing-owned child-murder-mansion so can you blame me? So it only happened once, well, twice now.”

“Twice is too many times to be hungover during a case,” Farah said with an eye roll. 

Todd simply grunted, “Ok, you have fun exploring the ship, call us if you find anything.”

Farah nodded, noting that if they found anything they would probably have to go to their room and tell them in person, and they walked off. 

Unfortunately, or fortunately, they weren’t entirely sure, they didn’t know what day the world was going to end, they didn’t know how much time was left or what they should do, they didn’t find anything at all. They assumed it was from the lack of Dirk, but they couldn’t force him to come along so they just kept searching… To no avail. 


	20. Of Otters And Sunsets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I didn't update for a month but I'm back! I was focused on the Big Bang. But now that's over so regular uploading times will resume.  
> Also, I will be starting Good Omens content soon so be on the lookout for that!
> 
> Disclaimer: Although this chapter was inspired by the leak of the season 3 script posted by Max Landis, I do not support him in any way. I do not follow him on any social media. I saw it secondhand through one of my followers on Instagram that had sent it to me. I want to make it abundantly clear that I do not support Max Landis. I like his show and his characters, that's it. And even with me taking the lines and the setting from the script, you can see that it isn't word for word, I just thought it would fit nicely so I used it. That's what fic writers do.  
> With that out of the way, enjoy the return of DGATWSOR!

Day one went off without a hitch. Aside from the whole  _ hungover _ thing. Dirk and Todd slept until Robyn and Farah came pounding on their door, it was a little funny as a very disheveled but still fully clothed Todd stumbled to the door and opened it as Dirk in the background sat wide-eyed staring at the door. 

“WHAT DID YOU FIND?” Todd yelled. 

Farah said seriously as Robyn cracked up beside her, “Nothing. Literally nothing. We just came to tell you we’re getting dinner. Want to join us?” 

Dirk visibly frowned at the lack of new clues but was delighted to get some food so he not so nonchalantly jumped out of bed and brushed out his hair and put on a tie and his shoes and headed out the door.

That was it for day one. Day two was similar, sans the whole hungover thing. It started out with a delicious breakfast that went off without anything strange, if you considered Dirk’s massive plate of five pancakes with lots of strawberries, banana slices, whipped cream, chocolate chips, and strawberry syrup, normal. 

They spent a while walking around like the day before, to no avail as nothing strange seemed to be happening. 

Dirk, needless to say, was anxious. Nothing was happening. Nothing usually meant something big was going to happen. Todd and Farah knew this and were also anxious. Robyn had convinced them all that maybe they should just relax, chill out and enjoy the cruise while they still can. 

So they did.

That day, Dirk wanted to take Todd for a couples massage. Todd objected, Dirk insisted that maybe it could help him think, and on the plus side Todd was always complaining about lingering soreness and muscle aches from attacks. He reluctantly agreed, and it did help both of them, not with the case though. Farah and Robyn hung out by the pool.

It had been 2 days. Meaning it was 3 days into their 7-day cruise and nothing had happened. They were almost halfway there, and getting off the boat for the daily tours on shore didn’t bring any useful information either.

Today, Dirk wanted to play bingo. Todd did not want to play bingo, hanging out around rich old people did not sound fun. 

_ But there are prizes, Todd!  _

_ Prizes don't make up for having to deal with boomers.  _

Farah agreed to take Dirk, Robyn suggested that they and Todd go to the arcade. That was something he was not opposed to.

Robyn knew all the cheat codes to get the most tickets, although that wasn't really something they were concerned about. Todd figured he could win something for Dirk with the mass of tickets, it would be his and Robyn's secret. But that didn't matter much anyway, Todd spent a lot of time with Amanda when they were kids in the arcades, he was really good at the more classic games. He won his own fortune from a few games that no one seemed to really want to bother with. 

* * *

Dirk enjoyed bingo, it seemed like a very Dirk thing to like. He and Farah chatted while Mona sat around Dirk's neck in the form of a colorful scarf Farah could have sworn she had seen somewhere before.

Although he was getting quite fed up with this old man across from them who just could not seem to stop winning. And Dirk was sure he  _ had _ to be cheating. Farah said it was just luck, but luck didn't exist. The universe deals out luck, it's not something random. This man had to be important. But then he stopped winning and Dirk lost suspicion. In all truth, e was slightly jealous that the universe had paid more attention to the man across from them than to him. But then he won again. Dirk had had it.

He stood up out of his chair forcefully, it toppled over, all eyes were on him. He pointed at the man and yelled, looking around the hall, "This is an outrage! This man is a cheater! He cheats at bingo and makes fools of all of you!"

Farah tugged on his jacket sleeve forcefully, "Dirk-"

"You can't cheat at bingo, ya damn Australian bastard," the old man croaked.

Dirk held a hand to his chest and gasped, offended at being mistaken as Australian. "You sir, are an arsehole. This man is a criminal, justice will prevail! When you step outside, you will be struck dead by lightning, by Thor himself! I swear to you-"

If they were outside you could have blamed the wind for bringing the edge of Dirk's scarf who was Mona up to his mouth and cutting him off. But they weren't outside. And that was a strange sight.

"I'm sorry about him," Farah said to the man as she dragged Dirk off. They were greeted by the staff of the ship with a piece of paper.

* * *

It was getting later, Todd and Robyn were scouring the pizes section of the arcade. 

“You know,” Todd said to Robyn, “This place is awful. I mean 100 tickets for this piece of crap?!” He picked up a plastic rainbow star slinky toy. 

Robyn laughed and then said, “I mean, I don’t really want anything. It’s a reward in itself just cheating these assholes out of money.”

“I knew I liked you for a reason!” Todd held up a hand for a high five which Robyn obliged in. “But if you don’t want anything, could I use our tickets to get something for Dirk? He was all excited about the bingo prizes.”

“Go for it dude, I bet he’d love that,” they said before perking up and saying, “Oh! You should get him some sort of stuffed animal! He seems like the type to like cheesy couple-y shit.”

“You have  _ no _ idea,” he chuckled. “But he’d totally love that, he loves stuffed animals.”

Todd scavenged the shelves for a specific animal that he doubted that would have.

“So, what’s the deal with Dirk?”

“What?” he stopped looking and turned around.

“I mean, he’s nice and funny and all but from what you’ve been telling me about past cases, it seems… I don’t know. Why do you stay with him if you keep on getting thrown into life or death situations? I mean, as fun as this is, after the case, I’m outta here, ya know?”

“And I don’t blame you,” Todd sat down on the floor.

“So, why do you stay?”

“I love him,” thinking that was that he continued searching before Robyn continued berating him. 

“Right, I get that,” they rolled their eyes. “But in my experience love  _ sucks- _ ”

“You’ll find the right person eventually, if you want, that is.”

“I keep hearing that. And I thought I had that, we weren't together but I thought I was getting close, and then she just sort of,” they sighed. “She betrayed me. God, I don’t know who she  _ is _ anymore!”

Todd may have done his own holistic.

“Robyn…” he said slowly. “Is it Cydney?”

“Oh, goddamnit!” they threw their arms in the air. “Is it  _ that  _ obvious?”

“It’s like watching another version of me and Dirk while we were ‘just friends’.”

“I’m so screwed!” They dropped their head into their hands.

“Look,” Todd took a deep breath and turned to them. “When she held us at gunpoint in the warehouse-”

“SHE WHAT?!” Robyn looked back at him with wide eyes.

“Shit, I suck at this. What I mean was, when I had my attack and was literally dying, Dirk begged for her to untie him and give me my meds. And she did. I was fairly out of it but I remember her saying something along the lines of, ‘the way you look at him. Just don’t come back, tell Robyn I’m sorry.’ And it was heartfelt. Maybe she does love you, maybe there’s something we’re missing.”

Their face softened. Like an epiphany, or a beacon of hope. Until it all fell again.

“But Dirk hasn’t done shit like this, he hasn’t hurt you-”

Todd audibly laughed, “You think- god no, he  _ fucked up _ . And  _ badly. _ He ruined my life, that much I’ll admit. I got arrested, almost killed multiple times, and  _ so much _ other stuff, and he knew all of it would happen. But I fucked up too, I called him a monster for lying, which was really hypocritical, which he pointed out. I thought I hated him.”

“Then why did you come back?”

“Dirk is something extraordinary,” he smiled with eyes full of adoration. “And while he technically ruined my life, he also saved it in many ways. Everything with him is... different. Better. He was my first true friend in a  _ long _ time. And I already developed some sort of feelings for him, no use in denying it. Life has… meaning? If I’m with Dirk, I’m part of something so much bigger. Wherever Dirk is… it means that’s the most important place on Earth.”

“Oh, God, you have it  _ so _ bad,” Robyn laughed hysterically. 

“Yeah, yeah,’ he shrugged and resumed his search. “I’m wildly aware.”

“Thanks, Todd,” they said after a moment.

“For what?”

“I don’t know. Talking? It’s nice to have someone to talk to.”

“Well, I’m glad I could talk- AH HA!” He held up a stuffed otter victoriously. 

Dirk loved otters. it made sense, Dirk was like an otter in some ways. Clever, resourceful,  _ very _ cute, and  _ very _ cuddly. 

He looked at the ticket price tag and scoffed,  _ 1,500. _ They had enough though. 

“God, I hate this place.”

Todd stood up and brought it over to the counter and handed over the ticket receipt. 

The cashier smiled, “Winning it for your girlfriend? Cute.”

“God no!” Robyn laughed.

Todd was really getting sick of having to deal with all these rich people on this case. First the gala and now this. It was like his worst nightmare. Next to having to tell a cop to do his job, although he could never hate Tina and Hobbs. But that was it! He was constantly bubbling with repressed anger thinking about what all these rich asshats were thinking about. And this dude, this dude right here made Todd boil over. 

He sighed. “You know, I’m sick of this boat. Everyone here is a bunch of stupid, privileged, rich, white, cishets and I hate it. Waving around your money like a damn flag. Did you just assume we’re dating because I’m masc and they’re femme? Hm? I will have you know that I won this for my husband-” it came naturally to him despite the fact that it wasn’t true and it was just for their covers, but God did it feel right- “who I love more than anything in this word. And they’re the age of my kid sister!” he pointed at Robyn. “ And how dare you assume that Robyn can’t win me something?! They got most of the tickets. And oh, by the way, this place is a cash grab. I mean, 1,500 tickets for this piece of crap?-”

The cashier was scanning and bagging the otter during all of this and when Todd was finished he said, “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Fine.”

He took the otter, stormed off, and as they walked away they both burst out laughing.

That was when he got a call from Dirk. He pulled out his phone and answered. 

“Hey, Todd…” he said nervously.

Todd furrowed his brows, “Hey. What’s wrong.”

“So… I may have gotten banned from bingo for the rest of the trip.”

Todd fought back laughter, “Of course you did. It’s ok, I got kicked out of the arcade. May have gone off on a liberal rampage.”

Todd could practically hear Dirk smiling through the phone, “That, dear, is why I love you.”

“What did you get banned for?”

“This old man had to be cheating. I swear, Todd, he won practically every game. He had a mischievous glimmer in his eye, you know that? Well, I had to expose him. Bring him to justice as you would say-” 

He heard a rustling over the phone and then Farah’s voice.

“He threatened him with the might of Thor to smite him down with lightning.”

“Ah.”

The phone was handed back to Dirk. 

“Well you should know, he deserved to be smite-ed. Smote? Smitten?”

Todd laughed in the back of his throat, “And  _ that _ is why I love you. Smiting down bingo cheaters.”

“Dirk Gently: Full-time holistic detective, part-time bingo cheater smite-er. Smitt-er? Smoter-er? Er-er?”

“You’re adorable,” he chuckled. 

“And you are just as adorable, if not more.”

Todd heard Farah joke, “Oh, barf,” over the phone.

“It’s going to get dark soon,” Todd said. “Meet me to watch the sunset again?”

“Same spot?”

“Yep.” 

“See you then. Love you!”

“Love you too.”

Dirk hung up and Todd put his phone back in the pocket. 

Robyn glared at Todd, wiggling their eyebrows. 

“You’ve been watching the sunsets together? You are so corny.”

“Shut up. Meet you for dinner?”

“You bet.”

Robyn waved and walked off as Todd waved back and started to where he would meet Dirk.

* * *

Todd liked sunsets at sea. It reminded him of the time last case when Dirk was... well... drunk. Not that _ that _ was a fond memory, although he did like to laugh with Dirk about it from time to time. They much preferred the memory of watching the sun as it descended on the horizon under the warm Louisiana sky. In each other's embrace, laughing about the small things until they remembered that they were allowed to indulge in each other now, and they resumed kissing passionately with the sounds of the rolling waves and the gulls in the background. 

They liked sunsets. Dirk particularly. While Todd preferred cooler colors like blues and purples and, well, black. That much was obvious. Dirk preferred warmer tones like pinks and oranges and that lovely happy color yellow. Yellow was the color of friendship, did you know that? Friends were the things Dirk admired in this world more than anything else.

Despite it being cold, Mona was back with Farah. He spent the sunsets alone with Todd. 

The sun set over the rolling sea that barreled past them as they walked alone on the deck. The light hit the water and sparkled like diamonds, the happy golden hue blending with the bluest blue water like paint mixing on a pallet. Streaky and pronounced.

“I got you something,” Todd said smiling, he handed Dirk the plastic bag.

Dirk beamed as he pulled the otter out and hugged it, “It’s so cute! I love it!” He put it back in the bag and hugged Todd tightly before letting go and kissing his cheek, “Thank you!”

They, without speaking, both walked over to the edge and rested their hands on the wooden rail. Admiring the wonder before them. Dirk’s hand rested over Todd’s, cold and needy, he didn’t like gloves that much. They felt weird on his hands and mittens were a true nightmare, he preferred pockets. Todd shuffled closer to him, taking his hand out from under his, and resting both over Dirk’s hands. He looked over at him and smiled. Dirk smiled back and leaned over for a chaste kiss before looking back over the ocean. 

Dirk’s cold disposition reminded Todd of something he had noticed and never once mentioned, until now. Maybe he shouldn't worry about it but couldn't help worrying about it. Today was day three, Dirk was still wearing his least favorite jacket. Not that he didn't like it, or care about it, of course, he cared about it. It was just out of all of his jackets, this one seemed to get the least amount of use, and when asked about it Dirk gave a chilling response that only Todd seemed to take into consideration.

"Dirk, why did you only bring one jacket? We have the room, if you didn't I would have made room. I know how important they are to you. And why this one?"

He pondered for a moment, shrugged, and said, "I don't know. Hunch."

Todd's heart dropped. 

"Wha- What do you mean, 'hunch'?" 

"I mean, Todd, I had a hunch. The universe said, 'Only bring one jacket.' So that's what I did."

"Right, but why did it say only bring one jacket?”

“I don’t know, Todd. I never know.”

Maybe this hunch was something he should have paid more attention to. 


	21. Smuggled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Drug use and abuse. Very much on the abuse side of things, I try to keep it nongraphic and as in the background as possible. Also minor references of general queerphobia  
> But just as a warning, two characters OD in this chapter. One being the backstory of Cydney's sister Margaret, the other being a random cruise passenger. This goes over the hardships of watching a loved one struggle with addiction. (Robyn with Cydney's abuse)
> 
> Do note that this is not as accurate as it maybe should be, abuse isn't like this, I am aware. However, this is a fictional drug that acts in certain ways not similar to real-world drugs because it is of, *ahem*, supernatural origin. You'll find out soon enough. So the period of addiction is short, half a week, the addiction naturally stops after 24 hours if the drug is not consumed again. (this is why Tina isn't addicted) BUT if you do take it after the 2 hours of pain and in the 24 hours of addiction AND last through the pain AGAIN without taking more, the cycle repeats. 5 times of this total and *something* happens. You'll find out in *calculating*... 2 chapters. 
> 
> The most similar drug I can compare Nova to is the fictional Utopium from iZombie. (I may or may not have based it off of Utopium) 
> 
> Other than that, we should be good. Sorry this chapter is a bit late. Getting back into the swing of things after the big bang has been a little hard.

Two and a half weeks ago.

Robyn sat on the couch on a Saturday night. One of their classmates had caught on to their predicament with Cydney and offered to set up a blind date. Robyn said that they were hopeful that Cydney was coming around, their friend said that you can’t wait around forever, and maybe a little jealousy could speed things up. Reluctantly, they agreed. 

And it went terribly. 

First of all, the date was awful. Robyn kept thinking of Cydney the entire time and just couldn’t do it. 

Second, Cydney seemed extremely bitter and hurt over the matter. She announced she was headed to the club, so she probably wouldn’t be there when they got back. That is unless they went home with whoever they were set up, that’s fine, they can do whatever they want. _Ouch._

So they ditched the date and headed home. Moping that they had made Cydney upset. 

It was 12:30 when Cydney got back. She came back in, slammed the door, and let Robyn know what she thought. 

“Hey, Cyd!” Robyn hoped that by seeming chill she would forgive them. Not that they needed to be forgiven. They were also mad at Cydney for that. “Date was awful, how was the club?”

“Robyn? You’re here?” Cydney dropped her bag by the door and ran over to the couch and plopped down next to them. Eyes wide like stars. 

“Um, yeah?”

“Aww, look at you!” she put her hands on their shoulders, lifting one to pluck at their ginger curls. “I love your hair.”

“Uh, thanks…” they said, brushing Cydney’s hand off their shoulder. “Haven’t done anything different with it. Same as always.”

“But it’s _beautiful._ Have I told you you’re beautiful?” 

“What the hell is going on with you?!” Robyn jumped back. “First you go crazy when I go out for the date and then you come back and act like this?”

She lifted a lazy finger to their lips. “ _Shhh._ ”

“Ah, you’re drunk. Tell me you took an Uber?”

“You’re so sweet, worrying about me like that,” she beamed.

“You need to stop with that right now. You don’t get to flirt with me after you guilted me.”

“So you _admit_ I’m flirting with you!” she said excitedly.

“I-”

“Don’t ignore what’s been happening with us. Why did you go out on the date?”

“I don’t know!” They stood up abruptly and had almost begun crying at this point. “It seemed like it was going nowhere! Don’t blame me for thinking that you weren’t serious when we’ve been flirting back and forth for months and nothing has come out of it!”

“It takes two to tango, baby.” She stood up after them, pointing her finger accusingly. “You’ve gotta speak up too!”

“Oh-ho-ho, don’t you ‘baby’ me.” 

“Look, we’re talking about it now,” she ran a hand up and down the side of her arm. Robyn pouted. “We’ve admitted it.”

“I’m sorry, birdie,” she took Robyn’s hands. They didn’t object. “My life sucked before I met you, and you- you mean so much to me.” 

“Cydney,” Robyn said quietly.

“Please, forgive me.”

But they weren’t given any time to speak before she launched forward and kissed them. Unafraid, not even she held herself back. Robyn stood still, letting it all process, deciding if they would let it happen, if she was allowed to kiss them, if they had indeed forgiven her. Cydney decided she would have to coax it out of them. They were so still that if she was a better person maybe she would stop. But she wasn’t a better person, and Robyn didn’t pull back, and they had admitted their feelings. They were probably just stunned. 

So she put all of her thought into it until _finally,_ they kissed back. They kissed back soft, feather-light. The hands that had remained frozen at their sides made their way up to her waist, pulling her closer. And the passion and heat of the argument remained, Cydney wrapped her arms around Robyn’s neck, one pulling them in and the other’s hand cradling the nape of their neck, fingers twisting in fiery curls playfully. 

They kissed, and kissed, and kissed. 

And God, was it perfect. Years of yearning, months of fruitless flirting, and it was finally happening all thanks to a little drug called-

_Nova._

Cydney let out a small squeak, one that could easily be mistaken as pleasure until her mouth went still and her body tensed up.

Robyn pulled away, _that wasn’t pleasure._

“Cydney? You good?” They lifted a hand to their face and tucked her dirty blonde hair behind her ear. 

She squinted her eyes shut, bit her bottom lip, and nodded. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine.”

“I just have a bit of a headache, that’s all.”

“Ok, let’s get you some water- _wait._ You don’t _taste_ like alcohol.”

“Yeah, not drunk. Had one drink.” she shrugged, then started shaking a bit. 

“What did you do at the club then?” 

She began swaying. 

“Danced, tried to forget about you, got high.”

“On?” They raised a hand to her forehead. No fever. 

“It’s great. I was all mopy and shit and then I thought about everything. And I realized I should just tell you! That’s why I came back, I needed to tell you-”

And that’s when she collapsed. 

“CYDNEY?!”

Her knees buckled and she fell, Robyn supported her through her fall, catching her as much as they could. She screamed. Oh, god, she screamed. 

“Nova, Cydney? _NOVA?!_ ” They were pissed as all fuck. Because at this point, people actually knew what it did, they just didn’t believe it until they experienced it. 

Robyn knew what the next 2 hours would be like, they would be agony and keeping her safe from herself. Making sure she wouldn’t OD.

“More!” she screamed. Her body knew what she needed to make it stop. 

“No. I’m sorry. We have to sit it out,” they sat on the ground with her, trying to restrain her limbs from flailing about, stroking the hair out of her face. 

“Birdie. Please. I can’t take this!”

“No.”

“You don’t understand!”

“Shhh, I know. You’re strong, you can do this. We can do this.”

“Please!” she cried. “I need more! I’ll die! It’s in my bag!”

“You’re not going to die.”

They kept her safe until the pain was over. But they didn’t know that the next 24 hours would be trying to keep a zombie-like, but no longer in pain, version of her away from the drug. They had unfortunately failed in part two on Sunday morning, forgetting to get rid of the single extra vial in her purse. 

Then it happened all over again. The pain, the waiting it out. But there was no third vial, and it was also Monday, and they couldn’t keep an eye on her all day. 

But the zombie-Cyd had grown smarter and promised Robyn that she wouldn’t go after more. Thinking that was that, they went to class and figured Cydney to be safe. 

They were wrong. 

She had gotten more for herself, and it was this all over again. The pain, the waiting it out. And afterward, Cydney had once more promised that she wouldn’t go after more. Robyn didn’t believe her, so they skipped lectures and stayed home to keep an eye on her. 

Zombie-Cyd had once more outsmarted Robyn, she had bought 2 more doses and hid them away. So Tuesday came and she once more had Nova to meet her needs. Robyn would send her to rehab, but her trauma with inpatient hospitals was killer and they had promised her that they would never send her in. They intended to keep that promise. 

Wednesday came, and the last dose was taken. Robyn was furious but still kept by her side. Despite the fact that Zombie-Cyd seemed to not care about the kiss, maybe not even remember it. That was something that they didn’t want to think about. 

But Thursday passed and Friday came, and Cydney didn’t have another fit, maybe she had stopped.

Saturday passed and Sunday came. Nothing. 

So when Monday came and Cydney left, Robyn let her, they figured she was going somewhere important.

But she didn’t come back.

She wouldn’t answer their calls.

Her mom and sister hadn’t seen her either, and only her sister seemed to care. Her mother was a queerphobic mess that disowned Cydney when she came out as gay, and she hated Robyn’s guts. Cydney would still visit on holidays for her sister, her mother pretended she didn’t exist. 

The police refused to search, even after a week had passed and there was still no sign of her.

They searched her room, no sign of any more Nova. What was odd was all the Greek stuff, only now they had a good explanation for such.

One day, on the way back from begging the police to look, they saw the agency. Maybe they would have better luck there, or maybe this agency would think it was ridiculous too. 

But then they received word of Margaret. Cydney’s mom called Robyn, despite the fact that she hated them. She knew Robyn had helped Cydney when she was going through everything, maybe she could help her “golden child” (never mind the fact that she was 20, still lived with her mother, and didn’t go to college, something Mrs. Scott would normally throw a fit about. In her mind, at least she wasn’t gay.) And despite not wanting to be misgendered or hear all sorts of shit from Mrs. Scott, Robyn agreed. If Cydney ever came back and heard that Robyn refused to help her sister, it would be over. 

So they immediately made their way over. When they arrived, they saw Mrs. Scott holding down Margaret much similar to how Robyn held Cydney. She was wailing and kicking. She looked half dead. Another vial was already in hand, Mrs. Scott pinned her wrist down. 

“Don’t just stand there,” Mrs. Scott ordered. “Help!”

And before they could get on the ground next to her, she kicked her mother off and Robyn out of the way. She took the last dose and the pain subsided. 

“How many times has she done this?” Robyn asked. 

“I’ve lost track.”

Beads of sweat formed on her forehead, she trembled and mumbled. The mumbling stopped, the trembling stopped, and her eyes stared at the ceiling, glazed over. 

Her mother screamed. It was too late. 

In shock, Robyn backed out of the door, tears in their eyes, muttering “I’m sorry” over and over. 

They ran back to their car and slammed the door shut after slumping in the driver's seat. They eyed themselves in the rearview mirror, watched as their eyes welled and spilled over. They let out a self-indulgent scream as their head slammed into the top of the steering wheel. 

“I’m sorry, Cyd,” Robyn sobbed. “I couldn’t save her. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

They lifted their head and sniffed, staring at the ceiling meaninglessly. Trying to will the tears away. They stared back at the house through the passenger window. And out of the corner of their eye, the blue paper folder sitting in the passenger’s seat caught their attention. The folder that they had taken the police every day now for the past week. 

They picked it up and remembered the odd building that they had seen one day. “Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency”. They were out of options. A private eye might be the only way to bring her back. 

So they frantically in a split-second decision pulled out of the Scotts’ driveway and began to drive to the strange agency. And then they got there, they wasted no time in sprinting to the door and barging in, only to catch 3 people seemingly having an argument off guard. 

The present.

They were in the dining hall. All decorated for Christmas, the hall glittered brightly. The clanging of dishes and silverware melded with the loud chattering and echoed throughout. The jacket was in the back of Todd's mind and it seemed to bother him more than anyone else. Dirk was mindlessly enjoying his food while Todd poked at his with a fork. For once he seemed to be the one getting intuitions. Maybe it was just his anxiety, maybe it was the universe. Whatever it was, he had a very bad feeling.

"Dirk, why did the universe tell you to only bring one jacket?"

With a mouth full of popcorn shrimp, Dirk responded, "Like I said, Todd, I have no clue."

"Wait, Todd's right," Farah said. "This is the same jacket."

"The universe told me to only bring one. I don't see why it's a big deal."

"No, that's concerning," she said.

"I seriously don't see the problem. I've gone months with one jacket when I was on the run."

"But you aren't on the run," Todd said.

"But we're on a case. I do what the universe says."

It seems rather ridiculous. Dirk will have feelings of doubts when nothing seems to be concerning. And this was very concerning, so why was Dirk insisting things would be ok.

Maybe, he knew. He knew and it was _so_ bad that he lied about it.

No.

Dirk wasn't a good liar.

Well, he was very good at strategic non-truthing. 

_Maybe_ he was strategic non-truthing!

"Dirk," he turned to Dirk and leaned over intently. "Are you lying?"

"No," he said with the straightest face Todd had ever seen come out of him. And he wasn't sure if this was him trying to be convincing so he was over-the-top-ly being nonchalant _or_ he was telling the truth.

God, it was always impossible with him.

"What is even going on with you?" Farah asked. 

“Nothing. I _seriously_ don’t see the problem!” Dirk said defensively, part of them expected him to pound his fist on the table. 

“Ok, lay off him,” said Todd. “He doesn’t know.” He reached his hand under the table and affectionately patted Dirk’s knee. 

Dirk smiled slightly, and reached over for Todd’s hand, Todd intertwined his fingers with Dirk’s immediately, and Dirk ran his thumb over the back of Todd’s hand. They wordlessly decided that it would be best if they kept like that for a while. 

They continued eating. Todd changed the subject to talking about the day’s events. He wanted to hear all about Dirk’s bingo adventure. 

“And he said to me, he said, ‘You can't cheat at bingo you damn Australian!’”

Robyn looked confused, Todd found it hilarious.

“I don’t even sound Australian!” he said, roaring in laughter. 

“What would you even sound like Australian?” Todd said, laughing along. “I like my sexy, British Dirk. I wish I had a cool accent.”

“No! I _love_ your accent, darling. It’s _adorable!_ ” Dirk said, putting a hand on Todd’s shoulder.

“Only _you_ would listen to an American talk and think their accent is cute,” Todd teased. “Americans have to have the _least_ appealing accent in the word.”

“At least you’re not southern.”

“At least I’m not southern,” he chuckled. 

There is something unique about this ship and its passengers. For one, it carries those all important man who is connected to the fabric of reality, his ex-punk band boyfriend/assistant, the badass and the college student. But that’s not all it carries. It also carries a woman. 

The stench of death lingers in the air and Dirk can sense it. Todd, Farah, and Robyn were right. 

A chill sent up his spine, his face slowly dropped its smile as he stared at his plate. He let go of Todd’s hand, his face now cold and still, eyes darting around the room before they settled on the entrance of the dining hall.

“Dirk?” Todd said softly, a hand on his back as Dirk leaned over the table and glared over Robyn’s shoulder. 

Robyn and Farah turned around at the same time to see what Dirk was looking at. Nothing was there. 

“A ghost!” Robyn whispered excitedly. 

“Not a ghost…” Dirk mumbled. “At least not yet.”

“What’s happening?” Farah asked. 

Dirk pushed his chair back and stood up, not letting his eyes leave their station. He inhaled sharply.

“Excuse me.”

He began walking in the direction of his eyes. Todd, Farah, and Robyn exchanged nervous glances before Todd stood up hastily and jogged over in Dirk’s direction. He looked as if he were following some invisible light or path, under a spell. 

But there truly was nothing there, not even to Dirk. It was the stream of creation taking him to the next destination. 

Robyn was next, Farah flagged down a waiter to have them send their meal to their tabs, something had come up. 

They hadn’t even left the hall when said woman appeared. Disheveled and disgruntled. Eyes wide, bloodshot, and dilated, hands quivering. 

She stared at Dirk. “ _More,_ ” she said. Deep and raspy. Her skin was ghostly white with a tinge of purple underneath. She looked dead. Like a zombie. 

Dirk approached her, “Hello, mam, do you need help? More wha- _oh._ ” His face turned pale. He glared at Farah who also seemed upset. Todd shared this knowing look. Robyn was the most shaken. 

They knew what that was.

_Nova_. 

“No,” Dirk said as he approached the woman. “I’m sorry, you can’t get more.”

“You don’t understand-” she said, “It’s about to start again. I can feel it. It’s wearing off.”

“Dirk,” Robyn whispered in his direction. “She’s going to die.”

“Yes, that’s what they say. I know, I dealt with this before.”

The woman said, “Oh, silly me. It’s in my pocket.” 

And before they could stop her, the last dose was taken.

“ _NO!_ ” They all screamed. 

But it was too late. She fell over backwards with a large thump. She was dead. And they all looked at Dirk. 

“Well, don’t look at me! How was I supposed to know something like this would happen?”


	22. The Taste Of The Universe

Now I know this situation seems… not scary. But it is, it is scary if you think about the implications… Promise me, you’ll think about the implications…

There are drugs on the boat. “Drugs on the boat?” I hear you say, “ _ Pft! _ So what?”

But I promise you, it is scary.

Let it sink in…

  
  
  


OKAY! Now, are you frightened?

Goddamnit. I’ll just show you. 

“She’s dead,” Dirk said, staring at her as people gathered. “She’s dead, more people have died-”

“Ok,” Todd began, “But at least we have more information.”

“Yeah!” Robyn said. “Nova is like… the  _ thing _ of this case, how it got started.”

“But how did Nova get on the boat?” Farah questioned. 

“Amy?!” A woman called out, visibly searching for something, probably this “Amy” person. Two other women followed behind, also searching. The women seemed to be in their mid-twenties, they all looked practically identical. Overly tanned with some variation of dyed blonde hair. The one calling out for Amy had a brown-to-blond balayage. 

“OH MY GOD!” Another one shouted, she shook her friend’s arms as she pointed at the body of the woman. They all ran over. This one was wearing an oversized sweater and brown thigh-high faux-suede boots. 

“Omigod,” another blurted, dropping to the ground near the woman. This one was wearing a stylish black wide-brimmed fedora and an impressive amount of crystal necklaces. “Oh my god-oh my god-oh my god! AMY!”

So _ this _ was Amy. 

They all cried dramatically. 

_ If this is their friend, maybe they have information! _

“Um… hi,” Todd walked over. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Balayage said.

“I’m…”

Dirk ran up behind him,  _ don’t blow your cover, Todd!  _ “Joe!” He was 99% sure that they hadn’t seen him, he had an excuse to use this line: “There you are sweetheart,” with a kiss on the cheek. The women made him nervous, not that he didn’t trust Todd, he didn’t trust them. He could tell the type of people they were, bitch-y, rude, and oh-so-dumb. 

“ _ Hi, Joe… _ ” Large Sweater said flirtatiously.  _ Called it, _ Dirk thought. But the audacity! Were they really that thick? He just kissed Todd’s cheek for Christ’s sake! And he would have said something, Todd would have too if it wasn’t for Balayage-

“SHUT UP LINDA, AMY JUST DIED!” Balayage punched her in the arm. 

“Yeah, and her ghost is saying, ‘get it!’” Crystals added. She was on her knees above her head, hovering her hands over the body making a wiping motion. 

“Omigod!” Large Sweater who will now be known as Linda said, “She’s here?”

Balayage squealed. They both took hands with Crystals, not before she shook her hands out and took a deep breath and closed her eyes. They stood in a circle, joining hands as Crystals lifted her head up and spoke. Linda and Balayage exchanged smiles. 

“I can feel her energy…” Crystals said dramatically. “She’s not angry,” she squinted and then nodded, “Yes. She is at peace.” Balayage and Linda made pouty-puppy faces and  _ ‘aww’-ed. _ “She will move on from this life to the next with happy memories. And oh, she’d like to remind Lina to ‘get it,  _ gurl! _ ’”

Dirk and the rest of them had made their way over. And Dirk was not pleased, he stood beside Todd and wrapped his arm around his waist. But Linda didn’t notice.

Linda walked over to Todd as Balayage and Crystals gave her thumbs up. “Hi,” she said, tossleing her hair and biting her lip. 

“So you’re Linda,” Todd said, trying not to laugh. Dirk looked like if he were a cartoon, smoke would be blowing out of his ears. “Well, Linda, I’d like you to meet my husband, Collin.” Dirk waved, still not releasing his face of fury.

And oh, the look on her face was precious. On everyone’s really. Especially Dirk’s, who was radiating the energy of the seagulls from  _ Nemo. _ “Mine! Mine! Mine!” A look that Todd loved. A look Todd savored every moment of it on Dirk’s face. 

“I’m- I’m sorry I didn’t mean to assume-”

“Nah, I’m bi-”

“Shit, I didn’t mean to assume-”

“Ok, chill,” he rolled his eyes and then turned to Dirk. “That goes for you too”

Dirk hadn’t focused on anything Todd was saying, he was too busy staring down Linda. He had noticed Todd said  _ something, _ “What?”

“Oh my god, Collin. I wouldn’t even think about it,” he leaned in and whispered so only Dirk could hear. “Especially with that bitch.  _ Please. _ I’ve got better taste than that,” he stood on his toes and nipped at Dirk’s ear playfully. “You’re living proof of that.”

Dirk beamed, he trusted Todd, he never doubted him a second. He whispered back, “I know… You know they say there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but I’m not quite sure anyone is prepared to handle such Krakens.”

Todd snorted. An actual, god-honest snort. 

“So,” Crystals said. “If you’re not available then get the fuck out! Can’t you see we’re mourning?!”

“About that,” Dirk began but Todd cut him off. 

“See, I’m a writer, right? And I was wondering if I could ask you guys a few questions. This is all very similar to my latest TV drama.”

Dirk smiled and elbowed him whispering, “Nice one.”

“Drama?” Balayage said excitedly. “Like-”

“Think  _ Riverdale. _ ” Todd knew nothing about the show other than it was a drama and chicks like these loved it. 

They squealed. 

“O. M. G. I love  _ Riverdale! _ ” came from Linda. 

Crystals stepped forward proudly, offering a hand for Todd to shake which he reluctantly took, “Kathrine Williams. You can call me Kat. I was a bit of a theater nerd back in high school,”  _ Well, that shows, _ Todd thought. “Are you casting yet?”

“Still writing, don’t think I’ll be casting for a while.” It was taking all of his energy not to sigh with every fiber of his being. His classic eye roll was barely avoidable, he turned to Dirk who gave a knowing nod. 

“ _ Kraken, _ ” he mouthed to Todd and then said aloud, “It has to be greenlit first too.”

“YES!” Todd clapped, “Yes, and who knows  _ if _ that will happen,” this time the eye roll made its way out... with a vengeance.

“Hollywood am I right?” She laughed. 

“You guys are adorbs btw,” said Balayage. 

A man with a stereotypical 1930’s Chicago accent went off in Dirk’s head:  _ We’ve got assumption of sexuality, double points for assumption of straight and then immediately to gay when the ‘husband’ enters the picture. Impressive combo, it will be hard to beat. But OH! Right for the ‘Over The Top Blantent Expression Of Acceptance That Really Makes You Sound Homophobic To Everyone In The Community’! Now that, folks, is what we like to call a classic. If you thought that Linda’s move was good, Balayage is coming in strong! Will Kathrine be able to beat it? _

__ They fought back the cringe as they both said, “Thanks.”

“How’d you guys meet?” Balayage asked. “The name’s Margot by the way.”

Dirk turned to Todd and said just a tad annoyed and insistent, “I think it’s your turn to tell the story,  _ dear. _ ”

_ Two can play at that game,  _ he put a hand on Dirk’s chest. “No… you tell it so much better than I do, _ honey. _ ”

He stared Todd down with wide eyes, “I insist,  _ darling. _ ” 

Todd glared at him, wordlessly saying,  _ Fine. You win this time. _ Dirk gave a cheeky smile that we all know is the face of victory. 

They turned back to the group of women who were now thoroughly annoyed by the two of them. 

“Well, Collin here is also an actor. He auditioned for one of my plays, he didn’t make it in, but that’s because I couldn’t date him  _ and _ cast him.” Dirk smirked at Todd’s story. That was a good one, very Todd. Of course, he would come up with a story like that. 

“What was it called?” Kat said.

“Uh-” Todd stammered. He looked to Dirk for help who he shrugged, puffing his cheeks. Coming up with an imaginary play on the spot was hard- _ that’s it! _

“Imaginary,” Dirk snapped.

“ _ Imaginary? _ ” Linda crossed her arms. 

“Lovely show, it was,” Dirk said. “About a- a _ boy. _ And his magical fairyland.”

Todd nearly burst out laughing. 

“Yes! And it was called Wendimoor-”

Todd barely managed to bring a hand to his mouth casually, as if “listening intently to his partner describe his work with affection”, but really it was the only way he could keep from laughing hysterically.

Dirk looked to Todd for approval to go on, as the women seemed to be very interested in this play. Todd nodded, he very much wanted to hear how Dirk would describe it. “So this boy, he has the power to make his dreams real, sounds touching but really it was just scary. It was a horror-comedy.”

_ That’s one way to put it. _

Dirk was about to continue, he loved telling people about his cases, but they didn’t have all the time in the world. And the women seemed to be a bit turned off at this point. 

“Collin,  _ angel, _ ”  _ there it was, he would get Dirk back for that one. _ “I’ve got questions for my show, remember?”

“Oh! Yes. Sorry, I do love your work.”

“What do you want to know?” asked Kat.

“Nova,” Todd began, “how did you get it aboard the ship?”

“Right for the money, eh?” Margot laughed. 

“We actually got it after we boarded,” Linda said and then dropped to a whisper. “I can hook you up if you want.”

Wow, they really were stupid. 

“ _ Seriously, _ ” Margot began, “You wanted to know that, you could have just asked! No need to come up with a whole facade.”

“Oh, you got us!” Dirk said, very non-convincingly. 

“There’s this guy,” Linda began. “He hangs around here actually. Glasses and curly blonde hair-”

Dirk and Todd’s eyes widened. 

“Says his name is Don.”

YOU WEREN’T THINKING OF THE IMPLICATIONS, WERE YOU?

Farah, who had been hanging back with Robyn and letting Todd and Dirk do things themselves, interjected. 

“We really must be going now. Lovely meeting you!”

She pulled Dirk along and Todd followed as they gathered in a corner. 

“Well that can’t be a coincidence,” she said. 

“Definitely not,” Dirk agreed.

“What’s the plan?” Robyn asked. 

“I say we follow him,” Farah said. 

“Yes!” Todd said, “He doesn’t seem to notice us following him.”

“What if-” Robyn began. “Why are they here?”

They all stared blankly. 

“I mean, think about it. They think that Atlantis is somewhere on the other side of the world! So why are they here? They don’t have the ‘map’. We do.”

“Oh shit,” Dirk whispered.

“How do they know that we’re here?”

“That is a good question!” Todd said. “You are doing great questions right now.”

“So... I say we start looking for him,” Farah said. 

And it didn’t take long at all once they turned around to spot him. 

But he noticed them noticing him. So he started running. 

“HEY!” Farah yelled as they all ran after him.

But the way he ran, it was almost as if he wanted them to follow. 

And a foot chase through a cruise ship you think would merit security to stop them.

And as they got closer and closer to the Wheelhouse, it became more apparent that this was what he wanted.  _ They were supposed to be following him. _

__ Donovan tripped and nearly fell, Farah sped up over to him and pushed him up against the nearest wall, holding a fist up to his face as a threat.   
“Why are you here?” she asked with fire in her voice.

“Not saying anything,” he whimpered. 

“Need I ask you again?” she brought her knee up to his groin, he doubled over, she only had a small amount of time to let go. “Todd?” she called and he took his brass knuckles from his back pocket and handed them to her. She pushed Donovan up against the wall again. “I’ll ask once more and then I’ll break your nose.”

“Cydney?!” He screamed. 

Farah gave no forgiveness as she socked him in the face, blood dripped out of his nose.

“Fuck you!” he cried. 

But they forgot they were close to the Wheelhouse. Close meaning standing next to the door. 

The door swung open with a bang. Don passed out from the pain. 

“Damn it, competent! See, I remembered,” Cydney said to Farah. “I was looking forward to that myself!”

“Cydney?” Robyn gasped.

“You brought them?!” she shouted. “Fuck!”

“I thought you’d be happy to see me,” Robyn said. “Should have known better.”

“Seriously, pretty boy? I made a mistake not killing you.”

“What is wrong with you, Cyd?!”

“Oh, just get inside!” she hissed as she stepped forward and grabbed Dirk by the jacket, pulling him into the cabin.

“Farah?” Todd turned to her, she nodded and handed him the brass knuckles back.

Robyn held Todd back, “Don’t you dare lay a finger on her.”

“Oh, I dare,” he said as he slipped them on.

He ran in after them, Robyn struggled to hold him back as Cydney let go of Dirk.

“I’m fine, Todd. Really,” Dirk said approaching him.

“But she manhandled you-” 

“I said I’m fine,” he rubbed Todd’s arm up and down affectionately. 

“But-”

He leaned down and pressed a short kiss to his lips, “Fine.”

Farah noticed the lack of actual captains on the ship. It was just them in the Wheelhouse. 

“Oh my god, you’ve taken over the ship,” she whispered in realization. 

“Of course!” Dirk shouted. “How didn’t I see it sooner?”

“Did you solve it?” Todd said with sparkling eyes. 

“No, but I know I’m about to.”

He took a few steps closer to Cydney. Slow and intimidating, he could never be intimidating but he sure tried.

“Who  _ are _ you, Cydney Scott?”

“I’m Cydney. I-”

“Who are you, really? Why did you leave?” A step forward. “Why did you abandon Robyn?” And another one. “Why did you take over the ship?” Another one. “Why did you let us go in the warehouse?” Cydney backed up with each step Dirk took. “Why did you stop shooting at us in the chase?” They were over the control panel now. And maybe for once, Dirk was intimidating. “Why did you want to knock Donovan out yourself?”

“Can you blame me?” she chuckled nervously. “The man’s a mess!”

Part of his tactic was rambling. Rambling always helped Dirk solve things. It worked for intimidation/interrogation. But most of it was asking himself questions, questions he desperately needed answers for, despite the fact that they already knew what was going to happen. The end of the world. Atlantis. But so many unanswered questions remained. What did any of this have to do with Nova? What’s with the goats? What did Cydney and Don have to do with the end of the world? All the small details that didn’t add up. Dirk hated unanswered questions. He also hated unasked questions. Three questions remained:

“What the bloody fuck is Vaingol? And more importantly, why must the sacred algae be returned to it? And  _ most _ importantly, why do you want to end the world?”

This gained an immediate response from Cydney.

“What? No! I don’t want to end the world-“

But Dirk’s eyes widened as he finished the sentence with her.

“You’re trying to save it.”

“Wait, why did you ask me that if you were just going to answer it?”

“ _ Shh! _ ” shushed Todd angrily. “Let him work!”

It always was overwhelming, and it was always beautiful. He saw the very fabric of reality behind his eyes, and it was always interesting to him how it looked like literal dots waiting to be connected.

He loved the way his brain spun, it was magical, like the way fairy floss seemingly appeared from nowhere in the machine. He loved the way his thoughts danced, like a child scribbling on paper. He loved the way it all made sense, and the way that it always did, nothing about it ever changed. It was always this way, only now, he could see it. 

He ran back to Todd, flapping his hands excitedly, releasing the excess brain energy. “I solved it!”

“You solved it!” he beamed.

“I solved it!” he picked Todd up and spun him around, laughing the whole time. When he released the shocked Todd he pulled him firmly into a kiss that softened almost immediately.

And  _ oh… _ This was different.  _ Very _ different. 

Object one: Dirk somehow tasted different. Todd had always thought kissing Dirk was like tasting the universe. Dirk Gently  _ was _ the universe. But this was different. He just never had tasted it all at once. 

It was a very strangely specific taste. The first thing that made him realize it was different was how it tasted like licking your lips after a good cry, not only the taste of the feeling of the leftover hormones and the satisfaction of letting it all out. There was also the taste of something metallic, like licking old guitar strings. Todd couldn’t explain that one any other way, don’t ask how he knows. He also tasted coffee, an immediate teller that maybe it wasn’t dinner because Dirk hates coffee. It was freshly ground with something beyond mortal comprehension in the mix. Lastly were the raspberries, tart and juicy. And under it all was Dirk, his sweetness amplified. 

Object two: Not only was the taste different, the sensation was too. His technique didn’t change, only amplified, and he didn’t quite kiss like a human anymore. And Todd did not mind. Behind his closed eyes he once again saw backstage.

Object three: All of this was because of the universe still not quite leaving Dirk’s head. He was still on his holistic trip, and he brought Todd along. Todd was feeling the universe, seeing the universe, tasting the taste of the universe -which, once again, was incapable of being processed by worldly bodies and mortal minds. The taste of the universe was often specific to the person, tasting like fond memories. Hence Todd tasting coffee, guitar strings, and Dirk’s amplified sweetness. The raspberries and tears were a constant across persons and species, although it is rarely ever experienced. 

And it looked quite odd from anyone else’s perspective, and perhaps even crude, but that was the fault of the universe, not Dirk or Todd’s. 


	23. Our Hopes And Expectations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Muse's "Starlight". Because what else can you expect from me? One of my followers over on IG told me that Muse has become the Queen (in reference to Good Omens) of DGHDA to them because of my fics. And I am honored, and slightly concerned at how much Muse I use for it to reach that level.

Todd felt as if the only oxygen he needed was from Dirk’s kiss. Although that was completely a feeling and not a fact. The fact was that Todd did, in fact, factually need air. Much to his dismay.

He pulled back, panting, arms hooked around Dirk’s neck tightly, “Ok… damn.”

Dirk smiled back at him with an unfair amount of adoration.

“I… holy  _ fuck _ ,” he breathed.

“What? Are you ok, darling?” Dirk asked, brushing a piece of hair stuck to his forehead away.

“Just… shit, man. That was  _ something _ . Like… um, I could… taste the universe I think? I think that’s what that was, and I could see it too? And I could feel it all through me!”

“I know, right?!” he laughed. “Wait- you could experience it too?”

“Promise me, you’ll kiss me as soon as you solve cases in the future.”

Farah interjected, “Not if I have to see  _ that  _ again.”

The kiss replayed in their heads, and they remembered that it might have possibly, just maybe, bordered on the line of actually deserving someone to yell, “Get a room!” at them territory.

Todd and Dirk shuffled apart, faces hot with embarrassment. 

“Right, sorry,” Dirk said. “We’ll work on that.”

“We’re adults, Farah!” Todd said. 

“You’re adults?” She laughed.

“We’re adults!” They both yelled back at her.

“Hello?!” Robyn shouted. “You said you solved it? I would really like to know what the hell is happening!”

“Oh! Yes!” Dirk readied himself into his explaining stance. “Cydney isn’t trying to end the world. She’s trying to save it.”

“Thank you!” she said. “Finally you’re understanding!” 

“ _ Shhh! _ ” Farah, Robyn, and Todd all shushed her. 

“Well, she was trying to end it at one point.”

“What?” The rest of them asked, except Cydney, who was eager to see what Dirk had ‘figured out’.

“Where to start?” Dirk asked himself. “Because there’s a  _ lot _ to this one. My most convoluted case yet. I mean, I could start with Vaingol and the scare algae, or Nova, which  _ is _ the sacred algae and is from Vaingol,” he slouched more and more the more he rambled. “Or Cydney? Who  _ was _ , ‘was’ being key here, trying to return the sacred algae to Vaingol while simultaneously trying to distribute the sacred algae on Earth-“

“I think you just said ‘algae’ more in that single sentence than I’ve heard it said in a single year on average,” Todd said.

“Seriously, Dirk, just pick a spot to go from and explain it!” Farah said, frustrated.

“Right!” Dirk stood up straight again. “I think Vaingol can wait, there’s a lot to do here. Let’s start with Nova. We all know how it works, right?”

They nodded. 

“Robyn? How long was Cydney not herself?”

“Uh,” they frowned, trying to remember and dig through the trying memories. “A week, I think.”

“A week! Brilliant!”

“Hey! Not brilliant.”

“Sorry… and how long of that was spent saying ‘the world will be damned to fire and brimstone’?”

“Five days.”

“Five days,” he said, pointing out the answer with emphasis. “Five days of Nova addiction. Five days without overdosing. This is what it takes to become mind-controlled by the Vaingol, aliens.”

“Aliens?!” Farah yelled.

“What? Wendimoor was good but Aliens isn’t?” Todd asked.

“I wasn’t good with Wendimoor.”

“Farah is right,” Dirk said. “We shouldn’t be good with Aliens, they’re trying to invade Earth and they’re doing it through the Nova. Remember when Cydney mentioned the psychic link in the warehouse? That’s the alien mind control! It hacks the body after five consecutive doses of Nova when not in the whole… scream-y pain phase.”

“Oh, holy shit!” Robyn said, “That’s exactly what happened to Cydney!”

“ _ Ding! _ ” Dirk snapped. “And it’s probably what happened to Donovan, and all of the other people on the board who were missing. It’s sort of like a natural selection for the Vaingol, choose the strongest who can wait out the pain of it. Arguably it’s a questionable practice as they ended up with Donovan as a lackey.”

“Ok, so why is Cydney trying to save the world if she’s mind-controlled?” Todd asked.

“Because I’m not mind controlled anymore,” Cydney said. She was leaned up against the control panel, arms crossed, just where Dirk had left her. She stood up and unfolded her arms. “I just… sorta woke up one morning. It was like I wasn’t controlling myself, well I was, but I was made to do things _ I  _ never would. It was still me in there doing those things. I remember it all, the Vaingol’s plan, everything. So when I woke up, I came up with a plan to stop the end of the world. I just don’t understand how I woke up. It shouldn’t have been possible.”

“You and your sister share DNA,” Dirk began. “So when she started taking Nova, her mind was halfway linked into the system. Linked to you, Cydney, stronger than anyone else. So when she died, of Nova specifically, it released you from the system.”

“Well, that makes a lot of sense.”

“I just don’t get why if she was out of the link, why would she try to kill us?” Farah asked. 

“The greater good,” Cydney and Dirk said at the same time.

“You all were getting in my way. At least that’s what I thought. I thought you would try and stop me, and part of it was keeping my cover in front of Don. I still would have killed you if you tried to stop me, I didn’t think you’d believe me. But clearly, you’re all some sort of freaks, so I guess in hindsight you would have.”

“Sounds about right,” Todd smiled.

“Cyd…” Robyn said slowly, “How many people have you killed out of the mind control?”

“Three. The rest was Don or others.”

“Three?!” they shouted. “You’re technically a serial killer!”

“Robyn, we’ve killed people too for good reasons,” Todd said. 

“So has everybody here killed someone?!”

“Best not to answer that,” Dirk winced. 

Robyn grunted heavily and sat down in one of the chairs by the panel, but far enough away from Cydney. They threw their head down with another loud grunt. 

“Oh, shit…” Cydney began quietly, it grew and grew into shouting. “Oh, shit. Oh, shit-oh-shit-oh-shit-Oh, SHIT!” 

“What is it?” Dirk asked.

“You have to get off this boat. Now.”

“What?” Farah asked. “Why? We’re far from land and-”

“Take a lifeboat to land. I’ve taken over the ship. I’m the only one running it. No one will stop you, just go!”

“What did you do, Cydney?” Dirk said softly.

“Go. All of the other lackeys are tied up and knocked out. This is your one chance, if we wait until tomorrow to get to shore, they’ll all be awake, they’ll all know. You have to go. Now.”

“Cydney?” Robyn said, lifting their head from their folded arms on the panel. 

“What did you do?” Todd asked angrily.

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She had to tell them. And she needed to…  _ No. Don’t think about that. _

__ “When I woke up, I remembered everything. One of the things that happened while I was out was I got put in charge of the operation. And every last person mind controlled would leave Seattle once the map was found, we would all go together. So… everyone is here, and I need to take them all out, but we’ve got some sort of immunity to bullets and flesh wounds under Nova.” 

They looked at her confused.

“Sacred algae’s magic powers,” she explained. “When you decided to take a cruise, I saw an opening,” she sighed. “I have access to some pretty bad stuff, so I built a few bombs. The Nova and the algae that aren’t on the ship are back in the warehouse. I’ve got bombs rigged there… and a few on the bottom of the ship. I’m going to sink it.”

“WHAT?!” Robyn screamed.

“It’s the only way-”

“No, we’re going to save the world,” Todd explained.

“We’re very capable,” Dirk nodded. We’ve done it before, well, not  _ this _ world per se.  _ A  _ world. But we saved it nonetheless.”

“Well, maybe you should have told me that!” Cydney yelled.

“Maybe you should have told  _ us _ that?!” Farah shouted. 

“Look, I thought it was the only way. And it has to happen now. There’s no stopping it. I didn’t know Robyn was here, and no offense I could care less if you all died. You have five minutes!”

“All of these innocent people are just going to die?!” Robyn yelled in disbelief.

“I thought it was the only way!” 

“But why would you do it?!” 

“The greater good! We’re talking about the  _ end of the world _ here! I didn’t have much choice! I thought I was the only person who knew!”

“Well, you’re not!” Robyn shouted.

“Well, I didn’t know that!” 

“Did you even think about all the people’s lives who will be lost? This isn’t like you!”

“But if I didn’t the whole  _ world  _ would end. It’s two-thousand lives versus seven and a half  _ billion! _ It’s not that hard of a choice.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” They felt themselves begin to cry. “You didn’t even have to think and boom, you’re responsible for two-thousand deaths!” 

“To be fair, Robyn-” Todd began. 

“Oh, shut it, lover-boy,” they hissed.

“Well, they have a lot more in common than I thought,” he remarked to Dirk.

“And to think I went my whole life without regretting any of the times I’ve kissed people,” they shook their head.

“Wait-” Todd said, “You kissed her? You didn’t tell me you  _ kissed _ her! That information would have been vital to my pep-talk.”

“What pep-talk?” Dirk asked. “Wait- Robyn fancies Cydney?!”

“Seriously, Dirk?” Farah laughed. “It's so obvious, it’s like watching you two before you got together.”

“That’s exactly what I said!” Todd added.

“Would you all shut up?!” Robyn yelled, way too loud. As if they weren’t already too loud. They sighed and composed themselves as much as possible. “I can’t believe you.”

“Please,” she pleaded, soft and hopeful. “Forgive me?”

“NO!” they screamed. “To hell with that! You think I’m going to forgive you after you killed all these people?” 

“It was them or the whole world!” 

“No! How dare you make me think you were dead, how dare you make me think I lost you, how dare you, how-how” They start sobbing. “Why, why did you do this? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You would have stopped me.” 

“NO! Fuck you, Cydney,” they flipped her off and began to storm off. “Finish this up,” they turned to Dirk, Todd, and Farah. “I’ll be outside.”

But Cydney ran after Robyn and took a hold of their hand. They angrily shook it off.

“Please, Robyn! I’m sorry.”

“Fuck sorry! First, you blow up when I go out on a date, then you come back high with a drug you know was this dangerous! And then I had to watch you go through hell! Do you know what it's like to cry until 3 in the morning because I thought the woman I loved was dead?!”

“Robyn-”

“Do you know what it’s like to have the police turn you down every day for a week, and have that loved one stay missing?!”

“Robyn!”

“Do you know what it was like to deal with your mother blaming me for your disappearance?!” they sobbed. “And then she called me. Desperate. Despite the fact that she hates me, she called me the morning Margaret died. Called me to ask for help. She was dying. You abandoned your sister and she was dying. And I watched her die! And your mother blames me for that too!”

“Birdie…” she said softly.

“You don’t get to call me that anymore.”

“I-I did this for you. So you could live on, so the world could live on and I couldn’t bear to look at you again after I woke up, knowing what I had been doing, knowing everything I know now. I couldn’t. I was afraid this would happen and I couldn't bear to see you look at me like you are now, I couldn’t bear it, because… because I love you.”

“Shut up,” they said.

“Please forgive me.”

“I said, shut up!” 

And they grabbed a fist full of Cydney’s shirt and pulled her into a heated kiss. She squeaked with wide eyes and melted in, pulling them closer and closer.  _ Why did all of their kisses have to start with an argument? _ Sure made a hell of a story though. 

They kissed long and deep, not caring if others were there, Dirk and Todd could clearly get away with it. Robyn let go of Cydney’s shirt and pulled her in by the waist. Tighter and tighter until they were almost bent over her. 

Cydney kissed them with all of the love and passion she could muster. She kissed them as if their lives depended on it as if it would be their last kiss. Like this one moment was the only one that mattered. By God, she was going to enjoy this before it ended. And it had to come to an end eventually. 

“Go. Get out of here now. It’s your best chance.”

“Come with me,” they breathed, lifting a hand to run through her beachy waves.

“I can’t. Someone has to make sure they don’t escape when the ship goes under.”

“Wait-” they said slowly. “No. You don’t mean…”

Cydney bit her lip and nodded, trying not to cry. Failing. “This is goodbye.”

“No…” they shook their head.

“I’m sorry. I can’t come with you.”

“No. We’ll find a way.”

“There isn’t. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

“There has to be something.”

“I’m sorry,” was all she could manage.

She kissed them again, this time soft and sweet. They could feel the falling tears mix on their cheeks. This time, they  _ knew _ it would be their last.

“No.”

“Take them?” she said to Dirk, Todd, and Farah. 

Dirk nodded. “Nice knowing you,” he said. “Sorry about getting you wrong.”

He stepped forward and hooked Robyn’s arms behind them. 

“Get off me!” they screamed.

“Goodbye, Birdie. I’ll always love you,” she choked.

“No! We can’t just leave her!” they stomped on Dirk’s foot. He jumped back but Todd grabbed them next. Working together, they couldn’t escape. 

They kicked and screamed, “NO!” as they backed them out the door. Cydney followed to shut and lock it from the inside. 

“Please! No!” They pounded on the shut door. 

“We have to get off the ship,” Farah said. 

“Let me in!” they cried to Cydney through the glass window. “Damn it, Cyd! Let me in!”

She simply blew them a kiss and walked away from the door. 

“Robyn, please,” Dirk said, trying to pull them away from the door. “We have to go.”

“Well, fuck,” Todd said. “Leave it to my life to turn into  _ The Titanic. _ ”

They felt the ship shake and heard a muffled bang. This was it.


	24. Rule Number 7

All things considered, today was a good day to die. Although the weather could be nicer. Who was Dirk to complain though? 

The ship rumbled furiously for a moment, they struggled to maintain balance, all except Robyn who let the explosion knock them over. The shaking subsided, Robyn didn’t get up. 

“We have to get off the boat!” Dirk screeched. 

“Thank you, captain obvious,” Farah rolled her eyes. “Now do you have a plan on how to do that?”

Todd squatted down next to Robyn who lied face down on the probably disgusting wooden deck. 

“Get up,” he said. 

They didn’t respond.

“I don’t have a plan!” Dirk yelled. 

“Robyn, please,” Todd said. 

“Who plans for this type of scenario?!” Dirk berated Farah.

“I know it hurts, Robyn. But you have to get up.”

“Think of something!” Farah yelled back.

“You don’t get it, Todd,” they mumbled. “You have Dirk. I don’t have Cyd.”

“If you’re so clever why don’t you think of something?” Dirk shouted.

“You go on without me,” they lifted an arm lazily and waved him off. 

“Where would I be if I gave up whenever I thought I lost Dirk?”

“But I don’t  _ think _ I lost Cyd,” Robyn slowly got up but still remained on the floor, just sitting now. “I  _ know _ I lost her. She’s as good as dead, Todd.”

Dirk and Farah continued arguing in the background.

“Get up.”

“No.”

“Robyn. You are amazing. You’re kind and smart- so goddamn smart, you inspire people, and holy shit you’re a badass. You drove us through a car chase!”

They laughed through their tears. 

“I guess I did, didn’t I?”

“You did!” he smiled. “You jumped across a train track! You saved our lives. You’re brilliant,” he sighed and sat down next to them. “Look. I get it. Everything seems pointless, you feel worthless, you’re just so tired, and moving feels like it will take up all of your energy. And it hurts. All you do is hurt. And everything feels so slow and so fast all at once and you put all of your emotions into one thing.”

They stared at him. Not liking how much he was calling them out.

“You’re lost. And so you find one thing to help you not feel lost. And suddenly that’s your entire existence! All of a sudden you have what seems like endless energy to do that one thing, but the second you’re taken away from it you spiral until you get back to it. And when you accomplish that task, or it gets taken away, you fall. You fall so hard and you don’t want to get up. That thing was finding Cydney.”

They nodded, biting their lip to suppress the tears.

“That was finding Dirk for me. Luckily I found him, but before there was Dirk there was the Mexican Funeral. That’s all I wanted to do, I was so afraid of the outside world, so done with the bullies and I was so depressed. But the music was a way to dissociate, and coming back down hurt. So I lied so I wouldn’t have to get taken away from it.” he chuckled in self-hatred. “Well, that gave me a whole new set of problems.” 

Robyn furrowed their brows.

“My point is, the hunt is over. You found her. But you also lost her. Life is like that, life fucking sucks, man!”

They laughed.

“Hey, laughing,” he smiled and nudged their upper arm. “Laughing is good. There are good parts of life too. And yeah, it’s going to hurt. It’s gonna hurt real bad for a while, but it will get better. You’ll find a new family, you’ll keep going, that’s what Cydney wants. She wants you to keep going, she did this for you. And if you need to find another  _ thing  _ to help with the pain, our doors are always open. We could use a genius like you.”

They leaned over and hugged him tightly. Todd returned the hug as they sighed shakily, only to resume crying. Todd sat there, giving them time.

“It’s ok- well, it’s not. But it’s gonna be. Just- just breathe, ok?”

They nodded and took a deep breath before sniffing and saying, “Thank you, Todd.”

“No problem.”

Dirk walked over. 

“Really sorry but… um, the ship is still sinking!”

Robyn pulled away and stood up quickly. Todd followed as they looked over to the slowly rising water, they had to get to the lifeboats, all the way down on Deck Four.

Dirk gasped suddenly, “The crystal!”

“The crystal?” Farah asked.

Dirk paced around, groaning frantically at his own stupidity. 

“The Icarus Crystal!”

“Yes, I gathered that much.”

“ _ Oh, _ stupid Dirk! Stupid!” he hit his forehead with the heel of his palm. “I left the crystal in our room! We have to get it!”

“Maybe,” Todd began, “Maybe it’s a good thing! Sink with the ship and then we’re off the hook?”

“No, we need the crystal.” Dirk sighed. 

“Universe?” Farah asked. 

“Universe,” Dirk confirmed.

“But the ship- we don’t have time!” Todd shouted. 

“The universe will make time,” Dirk said as he started running to the closest stairwell. 

“The universe doesn’t make time, Dirk!” Todd yelled, running after him. “You know that!”

“Don’t remind me!”

“Why is nobody panicking?!” Dirk asked, with a very panicked tone. 

“What am I?” Farah asked. “Chopped liver?!

“Not that! I mean-” he panted as they turned the corner in the stairwell and began up the next flight. “Why are we the only ones who’ve seemed to notice it sinking? I’ve noticed a distinct lack of screams and alarms!”

“We’re in a stairwell!” Todd excused.

When they reached Deck Four, where their room was, they ran out and noticed how when no security guards stopped them earlier, it was because there were none. They leaned over the balcony over the atrium, observing the people walking by, they seemed to walk without a care in the world. 

Dirk turned to Todd, “You and Robyn go get the crystal. Farah, Mona, and I are going to go downstairs and see if we can find some sort of announcement system and get people to notice.”

It might be important to note what Mona was with them the whole time. She has been a pen that is in Dirk’s jacket pocket.

“What? No,” Todd said, blinking at Dirk as though he was the most idiotic person in the world. “We shouldn’t split up.”

“Todd,” Dirk began. “I know you want to be with me all the time and I’m flattered, really-“

“Shut up, not like that. The ship is sinking- what if we’re separated in the panic?”

“We’ll be fine,” Dirk shrugged. 

“Are you absolutely sure?” Todd moved his hand over Dirk’s on the balcony railing. Dirk took Todd’s hand into his and gave it an affectionate squeeze. 

“Absolutely,” Dirk responded, leaning down for a sweet chaste kiss. And when he released the teary-eyed Todd, he gave him a little pat on the shoulder. “Go on now, we don’t have much time.” 

Todd reached up and pulled the lapels of Dirk’s jacket in and kissed him deeply. 

“I love you,” he whispered shakily.

“Shut it,” he insisted. “It will be ok, I promise.” 

Todd pulled his hands away from Dirk’s chest, “You better keep on that promise, then.”

“I don’t break promises, love.” There was a smile that said it all on Dirk’s lips. A smile of nervous fear, a smile of unbridled guessing games, a smile of pure affection and assurance, one that was for him as much as it was for Todd. And behind those glassy blue eyes, Todd knew, everything was about to change. For better, for worse, he didn’t know what. God, he never knew what. “We’ll meet back at the lifeboats. Now go, we don’t have much time.”

“But-”

“I said go!”

Todd took off running with Robyn as Dirk and Farah began back down the stairs. 

The way Dirk took charge of the situation was something he rarely saw, the confidence, the determination. It was a bit sexy he wouldn’t lie, but it was also concerning. 

Rule Number 7 of being Dirk Gently’s best friend, Dirk DC s doesn’t lie.* If he’s lying, you can tell very easily. And usually, that’s because he is very bad at lying.**

Rule Number 7’s footnotes include- 

*While Dirk doesn’t lie, he is proficient in the realm of “strategic-non-truthing” which is defined as follows; Leaving out vital information for the time being for the benefit of others around him  _ strategically. _ This often comes in the form of not mentioning the truth at all, and in rare cases, actually lying is permitted if the person you are trying to benefit asks. 

**However, this isn’t always true. In this case, it is easy to tell he is lying because of the scenario, as he, in fact, was very good in this particular charade. 

That is all to say; Todd was anxious about Dirk’s plan. 

Something was wrong.

Well, the boat was sinking, that of course was wrong. But something else was very,  _ very _ wrong.

* * *

Dirk and Farah (and Mona) ran back down to guest services on Deck Two as fast as they could. When they arrived Dirk wasted no time in jumping over the counter. 

“Sir,” a woman working the counter began, “you can’t-”

“No time, the ship is sinking,” he explained. 

“That’s ridiculous,” another one said. “We would know if the ship was sinking, there’s a whole system!“

“Then it must be down, now look outside!”

“I’ll take care of this,” the first one said to the other.

She strolled over to the glass door that led to the deck. Casually, preparing to prove Dirk wrong, not at all expecting to see the rising water- that was now spilling over onto the deck of the boat- when she stepped outside. Dirk stayed behind the counter and watched as she froze when she realized he was telling the truth, and a cocky “I told you so” expression appeared when she turned around and came back over to him with a ghostly pale face. 

Eyes wide, she stuttered, pointing behind her with her thumb at the door. “Bu- how- the- bu- the... the…” and then she shrieked, “SINKING!” 

Dirk nodded. 

The water came in through the door, up through the stairwells, it was too late. Deck One was the lowest deck available to the public, if no one came up those stairs, they were all dead, either drowned or died in the explosions.

So he frowned at his realization. The water was coming in quick now, and his socks were thoroughly soaked. 

Some screams of the people on this deck began to make themselves known, he was sure it wouldn’t be long before the rest of the ship knew.

“How did no one notice?”

Very good question, random crew lady. Allow me to explain. 

Cydney had a very complex and deadly plan. If she allowed the ship to sink at a normal pace, she would most likely be found out. Her bombs were strong and many, somewhat of alien matter as well, blowing massive holes in several spots at the bottom of the ship. A few for the center of the ship on the port and starboard most sides, a few in the direct center as close to the water as possible, and quite a bit more. A few at the stern and twice as many at the bow, she made sure that the wheelhouse would be a priority in the sinking, diving headfirst into the water. Crew members in the lowermost areas were most certainly killed in the first few minutes, if not in the explosions. With the sheer size of the holes, the bottom of the boat filled rather quickly, cutting the sinking time down to about an hour. Along with this, to make sure she wouldn’t be rescued, she cut off communications with other ships and onshore. In the first eighteen minutes of the ship’s sinking, which is where we are now- it would be nearly impossible for anyone below Deck One to survive. Below that, the crew would notify the captain of any problems, only the captain wasn’t there to receive the message. It also didn’t help that by the time they noticed the water- it was coming in too quickly to do anything about or escape. 

Dirk, of course, knew none of this. So this is what he came up with, and it is partially true:

“Well it is rather dark, I don’t think anyone is really outside-”

“Why did the captain not announce it? Why is a  _ passenger _ informing  _ me? _ ”

The water was at his ankles.

“Well as for why I’m informing  _ you, _ I honestly have no clue about who else to go to that would have some sort of intercom. And as for the captain, they’re dead.”

“What?!” 

“I think,” he corrected himself at his assumption,  _ don’t think about the water, don’t.  _ “Could not be, could be, who knows really? Everyone below deck is probably dead at this point. But as for the captain- They could be stranded at one of the stops, back in Seattle, back at home, or they could be dead and thrown overboard, or hidden on ship, or being held captive- probably the most likely one.”

“What are you going on about?” the other one asked. 

“Who  _ ARE _ you?”

_ God, the water is fucking cold,  _ he thought. 

“I’m…” he began, raising a finger. He decided the truth probably would be best in this situation, or some version of it. Probably best to leave out the aliens. “Oh, sod it. I’m Dirk Gently-”

Farah punched his upper arm and looked at him fiercely when he yelped and turned to her. 

“I’m a private detective hired by passenger Robyn Parks to find their best friend who  _ was _ missing, I found her though. Yay me!” He patted himself on the back as the two women looked on at him with intense faces of confusion. “All clues lead here. Turns out she had a plan to take over the ship and sink it. Guess what? She succeeded.”

“Dirk, we don’t have time!” Farah yelled, motioning to the water he failed to notice was at his calf.

“Why did she want to sink the ship?” 

“I would really _ love _ to tell you the whole story, believe me, I really would. But in case you forgot the ship is  _ SINKING! _ ”

One of the women reached down to grab what looked like the intercom when her face went blank and was replaced with fear. 

“Oh my God…” it finally sunk in. “It’s happening! What do we do? This isn’t something I was ever told how to handle!”

“Oh just give me the-” he took the intercom and pressed the button on the side and his voice boomed throughout the ship. “Attention passengers. This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill. As I speak the ship is sinking-” there were the screams that were missing from the rest of the boat. “Please remain calm and head to the lifeboats immediately. I repeat, stay calm and head to the lifeboats immediately.”

The screams were loud and dissonant, they carried throughout the boat. All the while, the loud creaking of the metal ship slowly tilting melded in with the rushing water. The boat rumbled once more and Dirk knew that time was running out. 

“Thank you,” he said. “You’ve been lovely, but my boyfriend and client are probably waiting for us at the lifeboats. If I were you, I would run for your life…” he looked down to the water, which was now at his knees, and corrected himself, “Trudge for your life.”

* * *

Todd swiped the keycard in the door, barged it open, and began frantically digging through the mess of their cabin. 

He heard a screeching and then a very loud voice,  _ Dirk.  _

“Attention passengers. This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill. As I speak the ship is sinking-” and then he heard, very clearly, the screaming they missed earlier. “Please remain calm and head to the lifeboats immediately. I repeat, stay calm and head to the lifeboats immediately.”

“We better hurry this up,” Robyn said. 

As he dug through their bags of clothes they didn’t bother to unpack, he laughed. 

“What?” Robyn asked. 

“It’s nothing,” he shrugged. “I just realized why the universe told Dirk to only bring one jacket.”

Robyn laughed and then their smiling face faded to still, “ _ Oh. _ Yeah, that would do it.”

It took a while, but finally, Todd remembered where he hid the crystal away to keep Dirk from having to encounter it. 

He ran into the tiny bathroom to the side and opened the small door under the sink to find the crystal. Safe and sound. 

He took an old T-shirt, wrapped the crystal in it, and wasted no time running back out the door. 

It was then that he saw the rushed panic of the passengers, and he realized that getting out was going to be harder than he thought.

* * *

Trude indeed, the water was cold and heavy. Dirk found himself humming in his panic, the vibration calming his nerves a slight bit. 

And there was a lingering fear that he wouldn’t see Todd again, that maybe one of them would die tonight... or both. He knew he had to trudge onwards, figuratively and literally. That was just his anxiety talking, the universe said- well, he didn’t know what the universe said. Something about everything about to change. So… yeah, that could include death. _ Don’t think about that. _ Keep going. Make it for Todd. Do it for Todd. Do it for Farah, do it for Mona. Well, if he didn’t make it, they probably wouldn’t either. But that’s not the point. Keep going. 

It felt like an eternity trying to reach the staircase, the elevators were probably not the safest option, and by now the water was at their waists. 

They began climbing the stairs, and once they had passed the water that still followed them, they realized it was still following them rather quickly.

Dirk groaned and tried to think of something, anything to help as he continued climbing upwards. 

Then the universe sent Dirk a message. A simple message, one word, and a very strong negative feeling connected to it. It shuddered and reverberated through his body, the unending dread. And that one word echoed throughout his mind. 

_ Todd. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sighs* So sorry it's been a while, I really struggled with this scene and I wanted to take my time with it. And it ended up being much MUCH longer than I expected. The chapter was originally 5k... (Woah... I know) but I really could NOT cut it down, so guess what? Another chapter has been added because I cut this one in half. Can a get a wha-hoo (sorry, wrong franchise)


	25. The Light At The Surface

Something was going very  _ very  _ wrong. Well, more wrong than it already was. 

And that’s when the power cut. 

The entire ship descended into piercing darkness, and after a moment it was clear that the generator would not be kicking in any time soon. 

Dirk reached into his pocket and pulled out pen-Mona and asked, barely managing to hide his panic anymore so don’t blame him if it came out a little screechy. “Mona? Think you could be a torch? Who am I kidding,” he laughed nervously. “I know you can- I was just nicely asking. I’m not doubting you or anything-”

She turned into a large and very bright flashlight, Dirk and Farah thanked her and continued going up, completely ignoring the questions from the two women from earlier and the other staff members that followed them. 

* * *

The other passengers swarmed out of their rooms in a panicked haze, the hall was tightly packed and hard to get through even with the running as more and more people emerged. 

That’s when the power cut. People stumbled and bumped into one another before remembering their phones had flashlights. Even still, in the massive wave of people, Robyn was pushed out of the way. 

“TODD!” they yelled, extending their hand out as the people continued pushing them. 

“Hold on!” he shoved people out of the way rather forcefully, ignoring the string of swears directed at him, he’d gone into big brother mode. 

Robyn tried to push back against the flow of people, but the people were all too busy worrying about themselves to let them through. 

He kept pushing forward, but it was becoming too much. The screams, the shouting, the writing of bodies against him, the extremely bright phone flashlights in his eyes. 

The world slowly muffled around him, and the light faded from the corners. His chest grew heavy with each breath he took, he started coughing, and then… 

_ He was underwater. _

It became harder and harder to keep himself upright as he choked on the air around him, he finally fell over and he didn’t notice Robyn who was now at his side as the crowd dissipated, turning the corner, leaving them behind, once again only caring about themselves. 

“Todd?!” they leaned over him as he arched his back, gasping for oxygen. “What’s happening?!”

_ But he couldn’t see, he hated drowning, he couldn’t see or hear, no sense could be knocked into him. But then again, who knows, was this an attack? Or was it real? _

“Todd?!” 

It was Dirk and Farah. 

Dirk slid down to Todd’s side. Todd had only ever drowned once before, and Dirk wasn’t there for it. He was with Amanda and the Rowdies at the time, they stopped it pretty quickly, but from what he remembered, it was hell. 

Now, without the Rowdies or Amanda there, all he wanted was Dirk. 

Dirk knew how bad drowning attacks were. On the scales of physical pain, drowning has to be one of the lowest. Psychological pain? It was the worst. There was no getting him to swallow pills, no way to get him to the hospital, the Rowdy 3 couldn’t take his attack, all they could do was hope that Todd would come out of it before he hurt his lungs. He remembered how long it took to calm him down even after he came home from hanging out with Amanda. She had helped him through most of it, he seemed fine at first, but when he returned home it all came flooding back. Dirk was prepared for the worst of calming him down, he was NOT prepared for the worst meaning losing him. He would not let that happen. 

“He’s drowning,” Dirk cried to Robyn. 

“The water hasn’t reached us yet!” they shouted.

“Remember the disease he has?” Farah asked and realization washed over their face. They had briefly explained the concept to Robyn in case he ever had an attack in front of them, and even then they didn’t fully understand the extent of it until it happened.

“Todd?” Dirk sobbed and gathered Todd into his arms, he hugged him close to his chest, rocking them back and forth. “Todd, darling, please let me know you can hear me.”

_ He couldn’t hear him, all he heard was muffled water. He couldn’t see him, all he could see was vast blue darkness and the bubbles that escaped his mouth as he screamed. He couldn’t feel him…  _ physically _.  _

_ He could feel two bright presences around him, he immediately recognized them as Dirk and Farah. And a smaller third presence, it felt just as loving, just not as big. He felt safer with some of the people who knew him best there, still not completely safe, but still better than it was in the darkness, alone and afraid. The light shined through the surface of the water in golden beams, reaching out and encompassing him. He was still drowning though, the light didn’t help him out of the water, it was sort of just… around. He kicked and tried to swim up, reaching for the light like a rope to pull him out, he was so close, he was almost there, just an inch more- _

The water- not Todd’s water, the real water, the  _ seawater _ had reached up to them.

Dirk continued stoking Todd’s hair, ignoring Farah as she tapped him on the shoulder, ignoring Robyn as they said, “Dirk?”

“Dirk!” Farah yelled, Dirk whipped his head around to see a giant wave about to come and take them out. He quickly rose to his feet, picked up Todd under his knees and back, and began to  _ run. _

_ And just like that Todd was deep in the water again, the light was still there, it wasn’t going away, something was pulling him deeper down. An invisible force, one that felt dark and deep, set in the stone-cold hatred for himself.  _

Dirk ran as fast as he possibly could carrying Todd, thankful that this floor was carpeted, as Robyn and Farah led the way, Farah holding flashlight-Mona and Robyn carrying the crystal. 

The water caught up to them and swept them off their feet. Dirk tightened his grip around Todd so as to not let him get swept away. It was freezing, his mouth filled with salt as he gasped at the shock of the cold. The wave rammed them into a wall at the end of the hall and stopped, still rising but less angry. He held Todd up higher to keep him from actually drawing, and whipped his head around. 

“Robyn?! Farah?! Are you alright?!” he shouted before two more heads emerged from the rising water. 

“Keep going!” Farah gasped. 

They turned around and began moving against the water at their hips, ignoring as it rose. They turned the corner by the time it was chest height, Dirk barely managed to keep Todd’s head out of the sloshing water. 

They kept going and emerged to the balcony where some water dissipated, only slightly. The atrium was filling quickly. 

Todd continued his wretched choking and all Dirk wanted to do was make it go away, but he couldn’t. It killed him knowing this, it truly did, there was nothing he could do for this one other than to wait. The thought was terrifying.

_ Whispers began to emerge in the bubbles, whispers of his own voice. All the lies he told, all the people he hurt, all of the horrible things he did. “You’re a monster,” and that one stung.  _

They made it to some stairs finally, and they groaned at the prospect of climbing more. The ship rumbled and creaked along with them.

_ Now Todd knew this wasn’t real, it was an attack. But how did he continue like this for so long? Why had it not gone away? Why had no one given him his medication? Then he remembered how he couldn’t help Amanda those times she was drowning, you can’t get pills to someone in his state. He needed to climb out, he needed to take control. He was not going to let his friends down, he was going to make it out of this. _

Friends.  _ That’s right, he has friends. Friends who love and care about him no matter what he did in the past.  _

_ It was like a kick to the invisible force, it let up for a split second before continuing to pull him. _

_ “Amanda talks to me, she loves me, she doesn’t hate me.” _

_ Another kick. _

_ “Farah is my other sister. Mona too, even if I don’t know her that well yet, even if she doesn’t quite trust me yet. And if they decide to stay, Robyn can join our family too.” _

_ It still wouldn’t let go, but it was no longer pulling Todd down in whole, a metaphorical hand was wrapped around his ankle, he needed to shake his way out. _

_ “I love Dirk, he’s not a monster, and I never actually thought he was.” _

_ A little wriggle. _

_ “And he loves me. He’s not leaving me, and I sure as hell am not leaving him.” _

_ Another one. _

_“I love all of them, and they all love me, I’m a… a-um... decent person._ _I have to be for them to stick around.”_

_ He heard the screech of a monster, like a banshee, as the invisible force let go of him. He was free, he just had to reach the surface. The pain was his, the fear was his, push forward and rise up. He kicked and kicked and kicked, straining, reaching for the light he knew could pull him out. And he made it. He reached for the light. _

Todd moved a hand shakily and reached for Dirk’s shoulder. 

“Todd?” Dirk asked brightly. He was still breathing wrong, but hope filled him as he knew his love was coming out of it. 

_ Todd grabbed the light and hoisted himself up. _

His hand gripped at the lapels of Dirk’s jacket.

“Come on, love,” he sobbed out. “You can do it. Please, please, keep going.”

_ He could see the shining moon and stars from under the water’s surface, and that golden glow surrounding Dirk’s crying face like a halo, looking over him. And he reached the surface, popping his head out and gasping for air.  _

Todd opened his eyes and gasped, coughing for a moment as Dirk chanted his name over and over, and Farah and Robyn sighed in relief. “ToddToddToddOhThankGodYou’reOkNow, It’sOverYou’llBeAlright, I’mRightHere,You’reOk, OhBloodyFuckYouTerrifiedMe, ILoveYouILoveYouILoveYouDarling, You’reGoingToBeOk, ThankGodYou’reGoingToBeOk-”

“Dirk?” Todd asked, raspy. 

“It’s me, Todd.,” Dirk choked through his tears. “I’m here.”

“Farah, Robyn, Mona?”

“They’re here too.”

Farah and Robyn walked over. Farah smiled at him with glossy eyes and held up the flashlight that was a sad and afraid periwinkle that now turned to a relieved and happy sunshine yellow. Robyn grinned.

“Don’t ever scare me like that again,” Farah cried. “You hear?”

“Eye-eye,” he tried to laugh but just ended up coughing.

“Take it easy, darling,” Dirk instructed. “Don’t say anything, we’re getting out of here.”

Todd nodded weakly and shifted up a little to wrap his arms around Dirk’s neck, trying to help relieve Dirk of some of his weight and to bury his face into his neck, taking in the scent of him that smelled like home only now tainted with saltwater. He was so cold, so was Dirk, it didn’t help that much in the way of heat but it was something. 

They made it to the top deck with the lifeboats and joined the panicking swarm of people, pushing their way to get on as staff tried to hold them back to keep them orderly. They were handed life jackets by some of the staff. 

Dirk set Todd down on a lounge chair to put on his jacket and help Todd into his.

It was surreal seeing the uppermost deck so close to the water. And with the large crowd, it became apparent to Dirk that they weren’t going to get on a boat any time soon. 

“Mona?” Dirk turned to Farah who held the yellow flashlight. “I’ve got an idea. But you need to be human first.” 

They walked over to a corner and hid, so that she could transform again and walked back out and grabbed a life jacket for her.

“Hi, Todd.” She smiled at him from behind Dirk. “I’m glad you’re ok. I was worried about you.”

He lifted his head and smiled weakly. 

Mona walked around to face Dirk. “Ok, what’s the plan?”

“We’re going to jump.” 

“What?!” Robyn and Farah yelled. Mona just smiled and nodded.

“We probably have about five minutes before the ship goes under, and not everyone is going to get on a boat before then. We have a world to save, so we’re going to jump.”

“Dirk…” Farah began. “Are you crazy?!” 

“I thought we established that,” he paused before continuing with his plan. “We’re going to jump and then when we’re in the water, Mona is going to turn into a boat.” 

“I like this idea,” Mona said. 

“Ok, maybe not as bad as I anticipated, but we’ll still be freezing cold!” Farah said. “We’re soaked and it has to be below freezing out here, we could die!” 

“It beats drowning.” 

“I second that,” Todd slurred and then coughed.

“I can turn into one of those lifeboats,” she explained and pointed at the covered lifeboats being descended into the water. “If I look different it would be suspicious.”

“Well at least we’ll be covered,” Dirk said. “And we better hurry.”

They walked over to the end of the ship that was highest in the air, they stared at the water below and gulped. 

“Todd, I’m going to put you down now. Think you can stand?”

“Yeah, think so.”

He set Todd down and took his hand. 

“Ok, just keep holding my hand. Take my hand, Farah. Mona, take Todd’s, Robyn take Farah’s. We’ll all jump. When we’re in the water, head for the surface. And then Mona, you let go and transform. Then we’ll all climb on. Got it?”

They nodded and formed the chain. 

“Ok. Ready?”

“Ready,” Mona, Farah, and Robyn said. Todd nodded. 

“Ok, then here we go,” they stepped closer to the edge. “On three.”

They nodded. 

“One, two, three!”

And they jumped. 


	26. Loud And Clear

Despite the fact that they were already freezing their asses off, they hit the water and millions of pins and needles pricked their icy skin. As much as the cold wanted to force their hands apart they grasped onto one another tightly. It felt like an eternity getting back up to the surface even though it was almost an instant with their life jackets. Todd whipped his head around, Mona was no longer holding his hand. She must have transformed already. But it was so dark, with only the moonlight and the lights of phones on the ship that were faded out of view, above and in the distance. Farah pulled the chain along when she caught view of Mona, and they climbed aboard, shivering in the cold air. 

Mona was relatively large and very much orange. The openness of the space didn’t help the cold dissipate. At least now they could see with her lights. She began sailing away from the boat which creaked angrily.

Todd felt weak still, the icy plunge didn’t help him at all, it almost felt a bit worse. 

He wanted to lie down, just sleep. He was so tired. He shifted to lie his head in Dirk’s lap, only Dirk stopped him as his eyes struggled to stay open.

“No, stay awake,” he said and pulled Todd back upright and wrapped himself around him, rubbing his hands up and down Todd’s back and arms rapidly. “I know it’s hard, but you have to stay awake.”

And it wasn’t long before they heard the ship pulled under the water. 

Farah and Robyn huddled around Dirk and Todd as well. Todd cried into Dirk’s chest. 

“This is it, we’re going to die.”

“We don’t know that,” Dirk said, kissing the top of Todd’s head. “We can still find our way to Atlantis.” 

“How?” Farah said, defeated. “It’s a  _ lost _ city!”

“This is the end,” Robyn said.

“We’re going to die,” Todd repeated. “We’re going to freeze to death.”

“Stop that,” Dirk said. “Robyn, do you still have the crystal?”

“How is that going to help?!” they said. Their teeth chattered angrily.

“Oh my god-” Farah began, “Tina probably thinks I’m dead! She’s right you know, we’re dead.”

“Seriously? Am I the only one that has any hope?” Dirk said, “I  _ never _ have hope! I have hope now, and we’re going to get out of here.”

“We don’t know where land is,” Farah said. “Our phones were killed in the water, no distress signals went out-”

“Maybe the crystal can help us,” Dirk said. 

“How?” Todd croaked. “It’s a damn crystal, we’re going to die.”

“Todd, I promise you, we’re going to make it out of here.”

“You’re lying to yourself,” said Todd, this was the last full sentence he formed of his own thoughts of survival. It was becoming harder and harder to stay awake. Harder and harder to think. 

“We’re going to make it out, Todd. I promise.”

“Dirk,” His clothes began to freeze to his skin. Despite that he was so hot, he was burning, and his clothes just made it more uncomfortable. “I need-”

“I promise you we’re going to make it out,” he blubbered. “And I’m going to love you until the end of time but we just have to hang on.”

“Love you too,” he tried in between gasps for air between gritted teeth.   
He wouldn’t admit that it was becoming harder for him to move to keep warm as well, becoming harder for him to warm Todd.

“We’re going to make it out Todd, I promise,” he gripped Todd tighter. “For my name isn’t Dirk Gently, I’ve got the universe on my side and we  _ will _ make it out, just you wait.”

He sighed, “Dirk-”

“Exactly, Todd. My name is Dirk Gently,” he lifted his head to the ceiling and shouted. “Hear that universe?! Don’t you give up on me! I’m Dirk Gently! I AM DIRK GENTLY!”

And outside the boat, they heard bubbling and splashing in the water.

They all scrambled to the opening of the boat to look out, Todd leaned against Dirk weakly. And what they saw left them slack-jawed. 

A metallic pod- pod wasn’t a good word as it was rather large. A metallic vessel the size of a school bus emerged from the abyss. It was oblong and mainly silver-ish, but bits and bobs of gold sparkled here and there. It was carved with intricate designs that felt ancient and futuristic in the same. Angular designs that felt mechanical and calculated, and organic designs inspired by nature. It was opaque, no windows, no doors even. They blended in seamlessly. And the strangest thing of all, was the man.

From the top center, a circular panel raised up and moved to the side, and out stepped a man. He was pale as ivory, not a spot on his skin. His eyes were large and protruding, his blue irises almost took up all of the visible eyes. His hair was long and coily, a messy green-tinged platinum in color. Like when a blonde gets out of a chlorinated pool, only not at all like that because he was not a natural or dyed blonde, the blonde-ness and albino-ness came from centuries of lack of sunlight and he has never been around a chlorinated pool in his life. The blueness of his eyes and the greenness of his hair is from the algae. His angular jaw was covered in stubble bordering on a beard. He was muscular and short, and wore a simple white robe which had a blue, orange, and green shawl draped over his shoulders. A brown leather belt held the shawl in place at his waist and he wore matching brown leather sandals. Along with this he also wore an amulet with symbols similar to the ones on the crystal.

He opened his mouth… and spoke. And he spoke with a thick, unfamiliar accent in a language close to Latin. 

And then he stopped. He looked over the group staring at him, one by one, up and down, and then back across the group one more time. He opened his mouth in an “Ah-ha!” moment and cleared his throat to begin again. 

“You’re English speakers. Of course! Forgive me.”

They all stood silent. 

“Did one of you say your name was ‘Dirk Gently’?” he asked. 

Dirk’s mouth stretched into a smile and he nodded slowly. 

“Oh, blessed be the goats!” he exclaimed to the sky. “The prophecy was correct! Come!” he beckoned his hand inward and floated closer to Mona. “There is much to prepare for.”

“Who are you?” Dirk asked, concerned if they could even trust him.

“My name is Minos. I have been sent by the Queen of Atlantis to find you. We have been preparing for this night for two thousand years, I was lucky enough to have been chosen to bring you back.”

“I have so many questions,” Farah said. 

“Well, would you rather freeze to death?”

Robyn looked over at Dirk and then over to Farah, “Let’s fucking go then.”

Farah silently admitted this was their best chance of survival. And she wasn’t sure how long Todd would last. By the passing second he sunk more and more, they needed him to be warm as soon as possible. So she nodded and said, 

“Ok.”

“Oh thank you, I don’t know what would have happened if I were to return without you.”

Mona moved closer to the vessel and lined up so they could climb across. Dirk was first, then Farah helped Todd over to him and followed, Robyn, following closely behind. And when they were all off, Mona turned into a white goose and flew in. And somehow the Atlantian wasn’t surprised in the slightest. 

Dirk’s adrenaline was running short and carrying Todd while he shivered was hard, he found it strange that Todd was no longer shivering himself. Minos saw this and went to take Todd. 

“Don’t touch him,” Dirk barked. 

“I’m trying to help,” Minos glared at Dirk sincerely.

“No,” Todd said, he was smiling now. “’m fine. Not cold, stay with Dirk.”

Dirk frowned, “You’re like ice, love.”

Minos leaned over and whispered to Dirk, “He’s losing cognitive function. Let me take care of him, I’m a nurse.”

Dirk nodded and let Minos take him off of Dirk’s arms.

“No!” Todd rasped and kicked. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Dirk smiled at Todd weakly.

Minos looked down at Todd, “This is for Dirk,” he lied. “He’s getting a little weak and we’re going to take care of him, alright?”

Todd nodded.

They descended down a small set of stairs from the hole. 

Inside the vessel was much different. There were a few windows on each side, somehow masked to the outside. In the front was a chair and a control panel that consisted of holograms and flat surfaces with glowing orbs and symbols, close to the ones on the crystal. A large chair sat in the front presumably for Minos. Moving through the back, more complex controls could be seen on the sides, more holographic monitors, more chairs. But there were also blankets and beds, and it became clear that this wasn’t a simple submarine, it was an ambulance. They sent an ambulance to get Dirk, an ambulance, and a nurse. 

And he was right, it was warm. They felt themselves ease up a little, the shivering retreating. Todd stopped burning up, although he felt even more lightheaded as his heart sped and stilled irregularly.

“Computer?” Minos called, there was a pleasant little ding. “Close door and return to palace on autopilot.” Another pleasant little ding and the door closed. And soon they saw themselves descending into the water through the windows. “Turn down the temperature, one patient at stage three hypothermia, three others in stage two.” Another pleasant ding and it was cold again. 

Todd saw Dirk frown and tried to yell at Minos, “They’re cold! Turn it back!”

He carried Todd over to the beds, “Uh- Dirk… Dirk is too cold right now, if he warms up too quickly, it could hurt his heart.”

“Oh,” said Todd, leaning back. Minos began undressing him to his underwear. Ridding the clothes that only made the situation worse. His heart started to steady, just a bit.

Three plain white humanoid robots without faces emerged from the walls and began to help Dirk, Farah, and Robyn. Mona turned into a calico kitten and followed them as they walked around the ship. Each robot had a simple small tray that carried a mug of steaming liquid. It smelled sweet and rich, like honey and something unfamiliar. They gratefully took the mugs and downed the hot drink, still unsure of what it was, but it was good and still unlike anything they had ever tasted. The robots assisted them to the beds, Dirk took the one closest to Todd’s, helped them out of their soaked clothes, and wrapped them in a few dark grey woolen blankets each that began to warm up almost magically. Heated lamps over them began to glow as the robot nurses hooked them up to holographic monitors that showed a familiar sight of a lifeline. 

“What’s your name?” Minos asked as he was finally given one blanket for now.

“Todd.”

Already the rest of the group seemed to be doing better, something in the drink. Probably advanced Atlantian medicine Dirk decided. 

“Check his lungs!” Dirk said hastily, head unfogging and remembering the potential damage. “He had an attack.”

“What attack?” Minos asked once more, reaching for a stethoscope.

“Para,” Todd tried, “ri-”

“He has pararibulitis,” Dirk began to explain, “it’s-”

“Oh! Pararibulitis!” Minos said suddenly. “What was it?”

“You know what that is?” Dirk gasped. 

“I’m a nurse, I know things.”

Todd for some reason or another found this statement funny. He laughed. But the laugh sent him coughing, he covered it with his arm, only when it stopped, bright frothy blood rested on his arm. 

The nurse leaned over and examined it before wiping it away and sanitizing his arm. “I’d say that’s from the lungs. Probably hemorrhaging.”

Todd banged his head to the back of the slightly inclined mattress of the bed. “Fuck.”

“We can treat the hypothermia here, but the hospital back in Atlantis would be much better equipped to treat the hemorrhaging. Just hang on, Todd.”

Todd turned his head over while Minos checked his oxygen levels and heart rate. He also set him up with a monitor. Todd blinked slowly, Dirk knew what he was thinking. Even in this state, Todd was worried about them. 

“The blankets are heated,” Robyn exclaimed, they were catching on too. 

“We’re doing much better,” Dirk smiled at Todd.

Minos put an oxygen mask over Todd’s mouth. “Yes. If it weren’t for Todd’s state, I would give him the same treatment, but I have to work on him manually. Stage three is finicky.”

The oxygen helped. It was warm, he began to feel ever so slightly more energized. And there was something else mixed in with the oxygen, most likely Atlantian medicine. 

Dirk looked out the window next to Todd’s bed.  _ Oh, this was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. _ The lights of the ship illuminated their surroundings, bubbles, and ripples floated around them, light reflected off the rocks they weaved around. Fish of all sizes and colors, (although they were all variations of brown and greyscale, maybe some pinks and reds, but they were still gorgeous) swam by. 

Everything was still quite dark and tinted a beautiful blue,  _ Todd would love this. _

“Todd, darling,” he said. Todd hadn’t unglued his sleepy eyes from Dirk. “Look out the window,” he moved an arm from under his blanket and pointed past him. 

Todd shifted his head and looked out the window to his left and smiled. Watching the water go by as Minos worked with the holographic controls under Todd’s monitor, slowly increasing the heat as the medicine stabilized him and his heart steadied, thankful there was no after-drop. 

He walked over to Dirk and assessed his monitor, “Your temperature has almost returned to normal, thirty-five degrees, you’re no longer  _ technically  _ hypothermic.”

“Wonderful news, doc,” he smiled.

“Not a doctor,” he corrected. 

“Right, how is he?”

“Not as well as you and your friends,” he nodded over to Farah and Robyn who were sleeping. “He’s at thirty degrees, but his heart is stable now, his oxygen intake is improving. These past two hours have been difficult.”

“Hours?!” Dirk gasped.

“Yes, when your temperature is that low, your perception of time is greatly altered.”

“Are we almost there?”

“About two more hours, but that’s not the point.”

“I’d like to hear the point then,” he remarked snarkily.

“Would you like to get in with him? Slowly increasing temperature via body contact would be effective, although normally that’s with a person of normal temperature. But since you’re both semi-stable, and it wouldn’t do either of you harm at this point, I figured you’d like to be together again.”

Dirk smiled and sat up slowly, “I’d like that very much.” 

He stood and walked the short few feet to Todd’s bed, still wrapped in his blankets like a shawl. Todd was asleep, he didn’t remember Todd falling asleep, how much time  _ had _ passed? He reached out and ran his fingers through his hair gently until he awoke. He smiled through the mask.

“How are you feeling, love?” 

Todd stuck his tongue out, he didn’t feel like talking. 

“Tell me about it,” Dirk rolled his eyes. “Scooch over.” 

Todd looked over to Minos, he nodded. “He can.”

He smiled widely and then moved over for Dirk, who lifted his now two blankets, he didn’t remember Minos adding a second. 

Dirk took off his blankets and moved in with Todd, wrapping his arms around him, holding him as close as possible. Todd let out a satisfied hum, but Dirk could only feel how cold Todd was. 

“Oh, love,” he pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. It reminded him of the way Todd peppered sweet kissed over him after the car chase, all he did for him. It was his turn now. And if Todd was facing him, he would kiss the scab from the gash on his cheek, it would probably leave a scar, he would kiss that too. 

“Give me your hands,” Dirk said and reached for his hands, one at a time, warming them, lifting them over Todd’s shoulder to kiss every scab he could find, on his palms and fingertips, his wrists and knuckles. He held them both again between his hands, not satisfied with the warmth he was giving but it was the best he could do. Dirk rested his head on Todd’s shoulder and moved his arms to cover as much of him as possible, he intertwined their legs, hoping that would help too. Dirk was feeling slightly colder, but Minos assured him that he would be fine there, that it wouldn’t hurt him or Todd, but the slight uncomfort was a small price to pay. He rested his hand over Todd’s chest and felt his heart calm. He felt the slow rise and fall of his chest and his breathing. Telling him, “hey… he’s alive”. Dirk buried his nose into Todd’s neck, he was home. So far from Seattle but he was home, he was safe, he knew it. 

_ Home. _

He had finally found one, hadn’t he?

Todd drifted back into sleep. But Dirk was cold now, for now, he couldn’t sleep. But that wasn’t a problem, he didn’t mind. Todd was going to be ok. Let him have that. 

_Hear that universe?!_ _I’ve got my home, I’ve got my family, let me have this. You hear?_

  
  


Oh, I hear you, Dirk. Loud and clear. 


	27. Aleka

Dirk awoke to the rumbling of the ship. He jolted upright rather quickly and whipped his head around. 

“You’re awake,” said Minos standing at the front of the ship. 

Farah and Robyn soon followed, looking around lazily. Todd stirred but remained lying down. 

“We’re here,” he explained with a smile. 

“Where is that exactly?” Dirk asked while rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

“Bloody Mars,” he said sarcastically. “ _Atlantis!_ Where else have we been going?”

“Right,” Dirk nodded. “Atlantis.”

Dirk hadn’t noticed before, but there were doors in the back of the ship. With a mechanical buzzing they opened and a dim light shone behind him.

“Atlantis,” he whispered to himself. And it hit him, he was one of the first people to see Atlantis in over two thousand years. “Atlantis!”

“Dirk, Farah, Robyn? You all should be fine to get up now,” he said. “Please do, we don’t want to wheel all of you off if we don’t have to.”

They stood up groggily with their blankets, cold and half-naked. Mona, still a cat, jumped onto Todd’s bed and curled up next to him. Dirk turned around as Todd moved slightly, he was being carted off. He jogged to catch up and hold Todd's hand as another pale figure came to push him into the building. 

He noticed in the distance a vast blue above where the sky should be. Only it was deeper and darker than the sky on the surface, and much too blue to be night. It wasn’t air, it was water. Dirk felt Todd shake his arm and he looked over to him smiling and pointing up. 

“We’re in Atlantis, Todd,” he said softly. As if he himself couldn’t believe it. 

“This is… this is crazy,” Robyn gasped from beside Dirk. “How are you doing, Todd?” 

Todd held out a thumbs up. 

“Glad to hear it,” Farah said, and there was a beat. Just a small one, and then she joined the excitement. “Oh my god, we’re in Atlantis!” 

They couldn’t see much on the ground, just the water above and the buildings around. The soft artificial light glittered off the metallic structures as they walked closer to a set of doors that opened. The hall was stark white and futuristic. More pale people in white robes came. 

“Oh my, it’s them!” a voice said. “It really is them!”

The voice made itself apparent, it was attached to a middle-aged woman. Her skin just as white as everyone here, eyes just as big, only green instead, and her long, light, curly hair was slightly tinged blue. 

“Hello Dirk,” she stretched out a hand as they continued walking down the hall. “My name is Aura Comatou, I’m a doctor here. Welcome to Atlantis.”

“Nice to meet you, doc. I’m Dirk,” he outstretched a hand. 

“I’m aware,” she smiled and firmly shook Dirk’s hand. “Minos briefed me on the way over. Here’s what's going to happen. You listening Todd?”

Todd held out a thumbs up. 

“Ok, we're headed back just outside of the OR, Todd needs surgery.”

Dirk frowned as anxiety flooded him. 

“Don’t worry. Nothing like the surface. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re incredibly advanced. Ninety-nine point nine nine percent chance of success.”

Dirk settled at this, the point zero one percent chance of failure still back in his mind. They stopped walking as they reached another set of doors. 

“This is our stop,” she said. “You follow Minos, he’ll explain the rest and bring you back when Todd is done.”

“What?” Dirk said as he knitted his brows together. “Everything is going ninety miles an hour.”

“Todd is going in. You can’t come with.”

“Wait- pulmonary hemorrhages don’t often require surgery,” Farah said. “And even then, surgery isn't an emergency. He was doing ok-ish.”

“If caused by underlying respiratory diseases no, direct tissue trauma does require surgery. And this isn’t the surface, we do things differently. The sooner we get him in, the more long-term damage we can prevent. We need him in peak condition if we’re going to save the world.”

“Why does everybody know about it?!” Robyn shouted in confusion. 

“The Queen will explain everything,” said Minos. 

“What about Todd?” Dirk frowned. 

“It’s still only three in the morning,” he chuckled. “You can get some rest in the meantime, you’ll meet the Queen first thing.”

“Ok,” he said, still not being ‘ok’ with anything happening. Nothing made sense.

Farah walked over to lean down and give Todd a hug, “See you soon.” 

Dirk hadn’t fully accepted what was happening. In his mind they were still back home, working on a nice, normal case. Calm and minimally dangerous. Nothing alien, nothing mythical, nothing magical or supernatural. Normal. Where no one gets hurt and everyone has a good time solving a case together. Where no one dies in the background because of Dirk existing. 

But that’s not the case they’re on. 

They’re in Atlantis, about to stop an alien invasion, Todd is about to go into surgery, who knows how many people have just died, and it’s not normal. It’s not calm. 

Todd reached out to grab Dirk’s arm to comfort him. He saw the look on his face. His slightly pouty lip, his eyes in the distance, his forehead wrinkled, and brows tight. 

Dirk looked over at Todd quickly, and seeing him on a hospital bed, wrapped in blankets, face in an oxygen mask, didn’t help at all. His expression deepened. 

Todd’s arm slipped down to Dirk's hand and he squeezed it affectionately before tugging gently, asking Dirk to come down to his level. He followed and rested his forehead on Todd’s, wrapping his arms around him. And through the mask, very muffled and hard to understand, but he did, he heard Todd say,

“I’m going to be ok, it’s going to be ok.”

“Ok,” he whispered back and pressed a kiss on his forehead. “See you soon.”

He leaned back up and Mona jumped off the bed and stood next to Dirk, not before nuzzling Todd’s hand. They waved as Todd was carted through the doors, he waved back, smiling. Actually smiling. Maybe Dirk didn’t have to worry. 

That wouldn’t stop him. 

Wouldn’t stop him as Minos guided them down the halls. Wouldn’t stop him when they were each handed a set of Atlantian clothes of blue, green, orange, and gold with varying patterns that set them apart, almost fit for royalty. Wouldn’t stop him as he sat, freshly and comfortably clothed, in the chairs of the stark white waiting room in surprisingly comfortable chairs despite the fact they looked like they might be called the iSeat. Wouldn’t stop him as Farah fell asleep on his arm and Mona in his lap, Robyn stared off in the distance on the opposite side of him. The look was similar to Dirk’s, worry and anguish. Only so much worse, and with each passing second he could see one spark go out behind their eyes. With the twiddle of their thumbs, he could see a resurgence of hope. _Maybe she survived._ Only to be wiped away a moment later, _that’s impossible,_ with a shaky exhale and the fall of a tear. He wished he could help, but he couldn’t now. There was nothing to do, he wouldn’t even know where to start. He wished he had saved her, but he couldn’t. She was just another name of the people caught in the crossfires of his battle with the universe for control over his life. Patrick Spring, Estevez and Zimmerfield, Arnold Cardenas, all the people in the hospital, Esther, Ken, all the people at the gala, all the people on the ship, _Cydney Scott._ He couldn’t save any of them, lord knows he tried. 

But what could he do? He couldn’t do anything. The universe takes and takes and takes. It’s relentless and bloodthirsty and it all seems to happen around him. Why him? He didn’t ask for this. He wants to be normal, he wants to be so bad. He didn’t consent to this, he didn’t consent to living, period. But if he had to live he would make the best of it, find a family, find a life, he had that. But how does his life go? It takes. 

And the funny thing is, it’s not funny actually, he and his loved ones seem to just suffer but always live while everyone around him dies. Why? Why was he safe to this? What made him deserve to live over anyone on that list? And why if the universe seems so keen on hurting him, why does it not take his family. _Please don’t. Please don’t take them, I don’t wish that,_ he thought. _I’m asking ‘why’._ _I’m very thankful for them, don’t get me wrong. I am. Thank you ever so much. But why?_

There are things I can’t tell you, Dirk. 

_Why?_

_Why?_

_Answer me, goddamnit!_

_Where the hell did you go?!_   
  


_WHY?!_

But it’s useless, it always is. The universe never answers. It pops in and out. Never giving all the information. Just enough. Just enough to pull him in the right direction. To make sure he is where he needs to be for its plan. 

Stand up.

_What?_

I said, ‘stand up’.

_Why?_

He rolled his eyes and moved Mona to the side, careful not to wake her, and stood up.

_What are you doing?_

Making a point. 

Now walk. Don’t care where, just walk. 

_What?_

_Fine._

He began walking, feeling around to where he needed to go, just trusting his instincts. He ignored Farah when she woke up and asked where he was going, just replied _shhh._

He walked down the halls and turned right, he was in a new hall, doors that lead to patient rooms, some of the windows into the rooms were covered, others weren’t. They were all asleep, all except one. A little girl, about 11, who sat alone in her bed, no doctors, no family, no company to speak of. Just… alone. Her pale green hair was tightly braided to the side, _Antanasia wore plaits._ She smiled when she saw the ‘tan’ man. 

She called out in English of all things, she called out and said, “Hello?”

Dirk waved. 

She motioned for him to come in. So he did just that. 

“How did you know I speak English?”

She grinned, “You’re from the surface.”

“Yes, but we don’t all speak English. There are countless languages on the surface.”

She looked around nervously before sitting up and whispering, “Are you Dirk Gently?”

“Yes,” he said with brows furrowed. 

“In school, we’re taught about the surface man of English tongue, Dirk Gently. The man who will save us all. And I’m meeting him,” her smile grew even bigger as she bounced a little. 

“Oh, I don’t save people,” he frowned. “People around me just get hurt.”

“But you do! You save everybody,” she pointed at a plaque on the wall and asked. “Do you know what that says?”

“No,” Dirk squinted at the unfamiliar characters.

“‘Glory be, those who are touched by Dirk Gently, savior of worlds. For he shall save us all.’ We’re all taught about you, Dirk. We pray to the gods that you’ll show your face before it is too late. We waited for this for a long time, and it’s finally happening. And here I am, talking to you.”

“What’s your name?”

“Aleka.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Aleka, but I have to go. My boyfriend will be getting out of surgery soon. I hope you feel well soon.”

She beamed at him, “I already am. Thank you, Dirk.”

He exited the room and closed the door behind him, waving goodbye and smiling. He looked to his feet and then the ceiling and thought, 

_Thank you, universe._


	28. Explain Everything

.  When Todd awoke Dirk was asleep sitting in a chair beside his bed, his head buried in his folded arms that rested near Todd’s feet. He looked around to see Farah, Mona, and Robyn also asleep in chairs in the corner of his hospital room.

It felt like a dream. A horrible terrifying dream, a nightmare. But he knew it wasn’t, that somehow they were really in the real Atlantis.

He already felt impossibly better, just a little groggy.

God, why did he end up so badly hurt after cases? At least it wasn’t Dirk this time or last. Dirk needed a break.

Everything from then on until he checked out of the hospital was a bit of a blur. He really remembered first ‘waking up’ when he felt the artificial lights of day in Atlantis hit his skin.

He wasn’t imagining things last night when he looked to the sea-sky above. But this was more than he was prepared for.

In the day, Atlantis buzzed with activity. Ghostly figures bustled about in the streets and more, but smaller, gold and silver pods flew by. Skyscrapers of various shapes extended like trees in a forest. They soon realized they weren’t on the bottom-most level, as bending bridges and pathways were under and over them, winding around. The path beneath their feet was glass of two layers filled with a maze of sparkling waterworks rushing past. The silver railings twisted and spiraled for decoration. And on the edges of the floating streets were flower boxes filled with grass and vines that spilled over the sides. Above in the center of the glass dome that surrounded them was a large sun-like light. Around them were streetlights with glowing white orbs. Down below there was a forest and farmland. And out in the water fish swam around. In the distance, a bronze spike-like building stood. And they quickly assumed this was the palace.

“Oh my god!” Todd shouted with his jaw open.

“Holy…” mumbled Farah.

Mona turned human to take it all in better. “Wow!” she gasped with bright eyes.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Minos asked.

“This is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen in my life,” Robyn said.

Dirk frowned at the sky. “Your sun doesn’t have a face.”

“Why would our sun have a face?”

“Wendimoor’s moon had a face, so right now you’re one point behind.”

Minos stared back at him with furrowed brows, he opened his mouth to say something but then decided against it as there was no proper way to respond to that statement.

“He does that,” said Todd.

“Ok then…” he mumbled.

Minos began walking again, motioning the group to follow. Following him down the streets, ignoring the stares and smiles and gasps the locals made at their appearance. Todd reached for Dirk’s hand like second-nature, didn't think, didn't linger inches away, just reached out for the comfort and stability, and Dirk knew he was back with them fully.

“So, what’s the plan?” Farah asked. “I mean, we’re all still very confused.”

“I would agree with that,” said Todd. "Like, why is it still called Atlantis if you're from the Pacific?"

"I also was wondering that," Robyn added.

Minos smirked to himself. "Who said we're not from the Atlantic?"

"But I know for a fact-" Dirk began. "Do I know for a fact? Todd? Are we on the Atlantic or Pacific side of the U.S.?"

Todd laughed with ease, Dirk had never been happier to hear him laugh at his unbridled ignorance. Shamelessly loud, warm, and clear, there wasn't a single underlying wheeze.

"The Pacific, you dumbass," he snorted. "You're lucky I'm morosexual."

"He's back!" Dirk smiled.

"To answer your question," Minos interrupted. "We  _ are _ from the Atlantic. We're descended from a neighboring city of the Minoan civilization. When we retreated to the sea, we didn't just sink. All of Atlantis is a giant submarine. We're in the Pacific now because that's where you are."

"You're kidding," said Robyn.

"Nope," he said. "We had to make sure we wouldn't be found again. Every once in a while we move. Just last year we were by Australia, absolutely gorgeous."

"Wait, if you're Minoan then why are you all so pale?" Dirk asked.

"We've spent nearly fifteen and a half thousand years underwater, what do you think we'd look like?" They hadn't walked far from the hospital when Minos stopped them by a set of stairs that dropped off to nowhere blocked by a glass panel. Very quickly, another pod descended to the bottom of the stairs and a door on the side opened to reveal an interior akin to a futuristic limousine. The glass panel acting as a gate slid down.

"Come on," Minos said. "You don't want to walk all the way to the palace, do you?"

"Oh, definitely not," said Dirk as he pulled Todd along into the car. It bounced much like a boat when they stepped on.

At this point, they had all become accustomed to the strangeness of their reality and its ever-changing nature. The way every day was like sitting in a rowboat at sea whilst the sun rose, and something deep and bubbling lurked below, waiting for that new ray of sunlight to awaken it. That was their reality.

And with this constant need to adapt to their environments, things rarely came as a shock. 'Oh, we've got something that shouldn't be possible? Add it to the list... yeah, right between body-swapping and literal magic. Yeah, that's good. Say, Dirk, the list's coming along pretty nicely. Should we blog it like Watson? I agree, the world isn't ready.'

It's a bit like a child learning the alphabet. It isn't revolutionary when the rest of it is introduced. At first, the 'ABC's are new and exciting, but then you add 'D' and 'E' and 'F' and you begin to understand that this is going to be a long list, and by the time you get to 'Z' you think you understand it all. And then you learn about punctuation and grammar and vocabulary, and it never ends. Add it to the list.

So when they saw Atlantis in all of its glory for the first time, it took about exactly seven point eight seconds for their minds to adjust to their new mind-boggling understanding of reality and its potential limits. The world was just slightly bigger than they once thought and this is just how it was.

And this all was a very pretentious way of saying that while they were impressed, they weren't going to let it flood their minds.

And somehow, Robyn was used to it already.

After that, few questions remained. But they were told that they would be answered soon and that once they met the Queen, things would begin to make sense.

They were actually quiet most of the ride, they needed a minute to reboot. They often didn’t have time to reboot during cases. But as of now, they knew, everyone was safe, everyone was healthy, and it wouldn’t last long. 

Todd sat next to Dirk with his head on his chest and Dirk’s arm around him. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply and allowed his mind to blank. And as much as Dirk wanted to as well, he caught the gaze of Farah, Mona, and Robyn from across the car, and he felt selfish. Very selfish all of a sudden, and it caught him off guard. The way Farah gazed out the window, deep in her no-doubt self-hatred-filled thoughts. Robyn stared at their lap again, their hands trembled. Mona was still human, though Dirk could tell she wasn’t handling it well. 

“You don’t have to stay human, you know.”

She twisted her mouth as she thought through the notion and then shook her head.

“I’m trying it.”

Todd sat up, Farah turned to face her,

“What do you mean?” asked Dirk. 

“I don’t really know if I’m being honest.”

“Oh my god,” said Todd. 

“This is good, Mona!” Dirk shouted with excitement. 

“It is?” she smiled.

“This is bloody fantastic!” he laughed. “Don’t you know what this means?”

“No…”

“Mona, how do you feel right now?”

“Feelings are hard, Dirk. I don’t understand them.”

He got up and crawled to the other side of the car and sat at Mona’s feet.

“Just… try for me, ok?”

“Ok,” she nodded and closed her eyes, searching for the right words. “Well, I don’t like being human.”

“Yes, but  _ why _ are you human right now? How does it make you feel?”

“Normally it makes me scared,” she opened her eyes. 

“Are you scared now?”

She paused. “No.”

He grinned from ear to ear as Todd and Farah exchanged glances of wide-eyed excited bewilderment. Robyn didn’t understand much, but they knew this was good. Minos was completely confused. 

“How do you feel now?”

“Good…” it was more like a question than anything. 

Dirk opened his mouth in a wide, toothy smile and leaned his head forward. 

“Good!” she repeated. “Safe, happy, good!” 

“Is it because you’re human?”

“No,”

“Why is it then?”

“You’re ok. Todd is ok, Farah is ok, Robyn is… Robyn is ok.

“Objectively not ok,” they corrected.

“Robyn is okay-ish. And if everybody is ok, that's good. I did my job.”

"You did! And I'm so very proud of you."

"You know what a good thing about being human is?" she asked.

"There are a lot of things," Dirk said.

"Yes, but when I'm not human, I don't get to hug you," Mona leaned down and hugged Dirk tightly, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Hugs  _ are _ nice," Dirk chuckled.

With her head buried into his shoulder, she said, "I love you, Dirk. I'm very glad I could help."

Dirk returned with just as much enthusiasm, "I love you too, Mona. And I'm very glad you feel safe."

"I hate to break up this lovely moment," Minos cleared his throat. "But we're here.

Dirk and Mona pulled away, "Well then, let's go meet the Queen," Dirk said, smirking.

He got up and began out the car, the rest of the group followed quickly behind.

"You know," Dirk began again. "When I imagined myself saying that, I always thought it would be meeting the Queen of England, being awarded for solving a thrilling case of national security. Like Sherlock."

Farah laughed, "I would never compare you and him, ever."

"I have a mind palace too, you know," he said, offended. "Although it's more of an emotional neurosis cabin.”

“I don’t think Sherlock’s ever met the Queen,” said Todd, jogging to catch up to him. “Benedict did, but not as Sherlock.”

Dirk had never read the books, because 'books are long’ and he had never seen any other version than Moffat’s because ‘this one is gayer than the others’ which promptly received a long lecture about queerbaiting from Farah to which he replied, ‘let me have my fun!’

“Elementary, my dear Todd,” he took Todd’s hand and swung it back and forth. 

With his free hand, Todd pinched his brows. “That’s not what that means, baby.”

“It’s not?” he frowned.

“No,” responded Farah, Todd, Robyn, and Mona.

“Oh.”

About ten guards dressed in ancient-looking armor approached them and saluted, dividing in half to reveal a young woman in a colorful frilled dress and a golden crown of spikes. She had the standard Atlantian appearance of pale skin, large eyes of bright blue. Her tinged blue coiled hair was done up intricately with overlapping braids. Around her neck was a large golden necklace, mirroring the spikes of her crown, and on her wrists were golden cuffs dented with symbols similar to the ones on the crystal.

They all bowed, unsure of what to do exactly.

"Welcome to Atlantis, Dirk Gently," she said and then laughed. "You don't have to bow."

"Oh," he said and they all stood up.

"Who are your companions?"

"Oh, um," he smiled awkwardly. "This is my assis-boyfriend Todd, my senior assis-friends Mona and Farah, and my junior assis-friend Robyn."

Farah gave him a very ‘are you kidding me?’ look. 

"Any friends of Dirk's are heroes to us."

Todd was about to interject when Dirk gave him a very insistent 'shut up' smile.

"We're so happy to be here, your majesty," Dirk said.

"It's what we do," said Farah.

"Please, do come in, we have much to discuss. I'm sure you have many questions."

"Oh, _ so _ many," said Dirk.

She turned around to lead them through the twenty feet tall doors, and they were met with a great hall, everything seemed timeless, ancient, and refined yet still with a feeling of advancement. The architecture was precise and calculated with high ceilings that expanded endlessly, arches and pillars tastefully distributed. Something felt organic to the design, appearing in places to be like coral, and the hanging lights that twisted like silver, blue, and green branches hung from golden thread and sparkled felt alive. Certainly, such small lights shouldn't illuminate the room this much. The bronze, gold, and silver theme extended even in here, if more blatant than before. The floor was a polished black, almost like a mirror. Dark blue velvet banners hung, sewn with gold thread with more of those symbols, and it became clear that it was an obvious celebration of Dirk, as the Icarus symbol sat in the center of each.

"It's ok," Todd leaned his head on Dirk's shoulder. "You're safe."

He knew this, he knew deep down and he knew on the surface, all at once he knew, but all at once deep down and on the surface he felt alone and frightened. But the warmth of Todd's hand and the pressure of his head on his shoulder reminded him, he was safe.

Each step they took echoed throughout the grand hall as they followed the Queen and her guards to the dining hall, of not much different design.

They took seats at the set spots on the comically long white table and sat quietly as the food was brought out. They ate rather quietly as tension loomed in the air. 

Finally, Farah broke the ice and asked,

“So, what exactly is the prophecy?”

She smiled brightly. “I’m very glad you asked!” she stood from her chair and motioned for them all to follow. 

She took them to a hall of limestone, painted from floor to ceiling in ancient frescos. 

“These were painted shortly after we descended,” she explained. “Most of it explains what happened all those years ago so we don’t forget. Some however depicted our future, what we must do to keep Earth safe. Who we must find.”

The wall to their right was where she started, in the sky was a ship, one distinctly and stereotypically alien in classic UFO shape. And from it came a beam onto the ancient Atlantians in a field with goats. From it were people, much like humans, only their eyes… 

You may be wondering why goats were sacred to the ancient Atlantians. Well, this was because the Vaingolians had square pupils. They assumed these freakishly advanced life-forms were divine beings. And where the aliens came from, square pupils were a sign of high intelligence so the aliens assumed these goats were special too. And though these aliens were highly intelligent, highly advanced, they were not intelligent enough to know that goats were some of the dumbest animals on earth and were created as a complete and utter joke. In an official ranking, they rank 8,743,551 out of 8,743,562. And as for this alarming difference in intelligence status on the two planets? Like the end of the world, this oversight was once again, a drunken mistake. But this time from the universe itself. I was going through a rough time, ok?! Creation is hard work!

  
  


“Thirteen thousand and five hundred years ago, a light came from the sky, and they descended. The Vaingolians. The divine peacemakers they called themselves. However, that was a lie as we would soon find out.”

The next scene was of the aliens with an intricate golden pot, offering it to the at-time king. 

“They told us they watched the Earth, the youngest planet of life, they said, and came to impart a gift.”

“The sacred algae,” Dirk whispered as the Queen stated.

“With it, they had the power to create unbelievable things. Extraordinary things. They said they chose us because we were the most worthy civilization on Earth, kind and fair to all. They gave us the algae to help us grow and advance. They never told us where they received it, we think it was a gift from the gods. They were the chosen people. But if people like them were chosen, maybe the gods should be feared.”

“What do you mean?” Dirk asked.

“You’ll see.”

The next scene showed what it could do, the aliens showing them how it worked.

“We don’t know how, but the algae is versatile. It’s a power source, a life source. It’s at the core of our civilization. Combining it with different things can have so many effects! When combining with nitrogen and oxygen gas, we can create a medicine that can heal most anything. With phosphorus, the soil would never become un-fertile. With uranium, something they showed us how to get, we have the ability to create enough energy to lift cars off the ground. We still choose waterworks to power most of the city though.”  _ That explains the streets,  _ Dirk thought. “We can strengthen our metal alloys with the algae and carbon. They gave us the gift of advancement.”

The next scene was something different entirely.

“But one day one hundred years later, after years and years of harmony, everything changed. They attacked us. Thousands perished. We had been working on a way to retreat to the sea if ever needed, and so on that day, we descended. And the Vaingolians left.”

She crossed the hall and began back down the other side. 

“We thought we were safe, but we weren’t. Our oracles found out that thirteen thousand and four hundred years later, that this week, they would return to finish the battle. And this time they would take all of the Earth. Every human, dead.”

The room felt cold, heavy, dark, for once they truly knew what they were up against. And it was horrifying. But despite this, for once, Dirk felt confident. He squeezed Todd’s hand affectionately, effectively bringing him out of his panic Dirk felt emulating off of him. 

“But they told us that you, Dirk,” she turned around to face him. Pointing to the wall that showed the events from last night. The ship sinking, Todd and the rest of them dying. The Atlantians rescuing them. It showed the future of the next week, showed him, showed his friends, showed Atlantis fighting the Vaingolians. Showed them  _ winning. _ “We heard your name, we knew you would come to save us. And when we knew you were real, we had hope.”

It was too much, knowing he was at the center of a prophecy again. But it was a feeling he would never get sick of. Knowing that somewhere out there, some people actually wanted him around. That sought him out desperately. That knew he could help. 

This was why he became a holistic detective. To help.

He had something special that he could use for good, there were people that actually wanted him around. People that weren’t his family, people who didn’t know him, and yet… Yet he was already a hero. And he didn’t want to be a hero for all that came with it, he just wanted to help.

“Help us, Dirk Gently,” said the Queen, her eyes shining with some of the most sincerity he had ever seen.

Todd rolled his eyes. “I swear to god if you say-”

“You’re our only hope.”

The group burst out laughing. The Queen stared at them questioningly. 

“Sorry,” Todd began, struggling to regain composure. “It’s just… on the surface that’s a bit of a joke.”

“But… I’m being serious. Dirk is the only one who can help us.” 

“Oh, I don’t doubt that,” Dirk still chuckled slightly. “It’s just funny to us.”

“So, will you help us?”

“Are you kidding? Of course, I will, it’s what I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that took so long. I've been taking a break to work on some of my other WIPs, and speaking of WIPs, I have an announcement.  
> I am working on something very exciting, my first original series. And if you like DGHDA, I promise this will be right up your alley. I'm planning on publishing it in early June at the _latest_... although that might change if I'm planning on making the first case novel length which I'm most likely not going to do.  
> It's called "Oswin Hardy's Utterly Unexplainable Things", and no, I'm not trying to knock-off Dirk with that adjective last name. It's actually an old English name that means bold and daring. Didn't even see it could be seen as a knock-off until my "friend" (not much of a friend) said, "So, you're basically doing Dirk Gently?"  
> But it's actually closer to Gravity Falls than Dirk Gently somehow. Regardless, I know you'll all love it. It's a lovely blend of sci-fi and classic murder mysteries. (Oswin is very Sherlock-like, you'll love her)  
> So here's a basic premise for you all, so you can all get excited:
>
>>   
> Kensingworth is a small English village with something seriously wrong. It seems quaint and lively, everything calm and peaceful. But under the surface lies a secret, one private detective Oswin Hardy has spent her entire career trying to uncover.  
> The murder case of James Harrison turns out to be the breakthrough she’s been needing to understand everything. He is the key to the answer she’s been searching for.  
> He may seem like just your average, boring, and I mean _boring_ bloke, but he has a secret. One he took to his grave, although that wasn’t his intention.
>>
>>> I can barely contain myself... this is gonna be good 


End file.
